so i posted on here about 4 months ago. i (22F) seen my bf (29M) replying to some random girls Dms in the beginning of our relationship & asked for advice.

the thing is I love him so much. he is so good to me 99% of the time & then something like this happens & it tears my heart.

My friend invited us both on a trip (we would be on boat for a week) the second day we got there i saw on his phone a sceeen recording of texts he sent to a girl around 6 months into our relationship. he started the conversation, she turned it sexual, he said he had a gf. she said well i don’t think i can be friends wirh a guy i’ve been having sexual dreams about so bye - he said no!!! i was trying to make a real connection. tell me about this dream. dream me can fill in the gaps where real me can’t. (basically telling her to just imagine him fcking her) it carried on for about 10 messages over a month. her finally sending a very long sext & him saying he blocked her.

we were very in love in my mind at the time. he didn’t say anything bad, but he encouraged her. i was giving him everything i could at this point & obviously he still wanted attention from some random girl. he was not protecting our relationship.

i talked to him about it. i cried. he was sad. he said he messed up. he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me if i’m going to hold this over his head forever. (& i have held stuff that has bothered me over his head in the past) so i understand. he wants to know what i want to do. he said he blocked her. he ended the convo. he said he had a gf. he tried to steer the relationship away from being sexual (i disagree bc he asked about the dream) & continued the convo (to build a connection) even when she tried to end it. he also said it started as a business thing (bc she works in our field? wtf. she also has me blocked btw.. should i try to find out if they met in person? does it even really matter?) & even tho he was happy with me & in our relationship he was depressed at the time & he didn’t know what he was thinking.

tbh he could’ve deleted messages. & this would not feel so confusing to me if he has said sexual things back. i would just end it.

bc we were on a boat i kinda just tried to lock it away in my mind to not ruin the week long trip. we are back home now. & i don’t know what to do. he showed up to the airport wirh flowers. then left to a business dinner. but i started thinking & i felt nervous about him being at the dinner - bc yes we are happy & he brought me flowers, but we were talking hours of day & very in love when he first started the convo with her & continued it over a month.

basically i don’t know if i can ever trust him. it’s been 9 months since this happenedZ but i just found this out. i am so in love with him it hurts. i would break up with him if i found out while it was happening, but so much has happened in our relationship since then..

i don’t know what to do. even if i want to be with him should we break up so he doesn’t think i will just accept this? should i try to find out if he met up with her or if he had been talking to other girls? do i forgive him? i want to be with him so bad. but i don’t want to stay with him if this is going to happen again. & i don’t want to be insecure bc i don’t feel enough or nervous bc he did this even when we were in a good place.