how to date & still be celibate

mmpotpie78 · 2021-09-07T10:27:49+00:00

I would keep strict boundaries if I were to maintain celibacy while dating. Anything that would be tempting to me, I would avoid it (i.e. no make out sessions, don’t go to his house at night alone, no Netflix & chill sessions, etc). Know your limits and the actions/settings that send you over the edge and avoid those things. I think it’s admirable that you want to maintain celibacy until marriage!

hahastopjk · 2021-09-07T11:56:47+00:00

Public outings almost guarantee that nothing escalates. I think you need to figure out what your specific boundaries need to be, but for me it was just not going to their home and not bringing my date to my home. It makes things a lot easier when there’s a level of comfortability.

banalchenal · 2021-09-07T21:46:54+00:00

Who are you planning to date?

Religious men who are also celibate? Will these men be accepting of your new celibacy?

Regular secular men who are used to normal western dating? Are you expecting them to turn celibate for you?

How you approach this will depend on your reasons for celibacy and your target.

AgathaMysterie · 2021-09-07T17:34:31+00:00

I was a virgin when I got married, and I dated a lot of guys. I think for me, I was so locked into my boundaries that I could make out without it leading to sex. I’m sure it’s different/harder if you’re used to going all the way? I wish I had some good advice!

Actually, one piece of advice I do have is to let your date know ASAP (without being awkward) that you do not want to have sex. I did this and a couple times guys let me know they were “just looking for some fun” and ended things - but that’s great because we didn’t waste much of each others’ time. It will also tell you if the guy you’re dating is willing to respect your boundaries. I never had a guy pressure me into having sex, partially I think because they knew from the beginning that it was off the table for me. In total, three guys proposed to me.

Hopeful_Pay_6685 · 2021-09-07T15:26:43+00:00

Kissing may be okay if it's not French or super passionate (losing control). Holding hands and hugging are probably okay. I would probably do those things if we're guaranteed to get married though. Like, if I did those things and I broke up with the guy, I would be crushed and it would affect me a lot. I bond very easily so I would ideally want to save those things for my future husband only. My bf has held hands and cuddled with few girls but he regrets that and wished he saved it only for me. He has been waiting for marriage all his life, but he couldn't find the one. He did tell his date when he was 27 that he plans on cuddling with his future wife and she agreed, but she ghosted him after. I've never done anything with other guys so I feel good that it's only with my bf, who plans on marrying me soon.

You could hang out alone with each other but you have to have boundaries and good communication. Like it's easy to lust after each other and then it happens... Keep reminding each other that it's for the wedding night and do other things like play a board game, watch something, or talk about the future. I feel like waiting is easier when you keep the conversations wholesome and avoid talking about sex. Also, guys can struggle more than girls with celibacy so I would focus on complimenting and appreciating him alot.

And since, they talk about waiting until marriage in the Bible, we have been drawn towards Christianity. So, we will also include theology into our conversations, and that helps. Praying and connecting with other religious people are also good too.

blackandlavender · 2021-09-07T12:04:41+00:00

We did make out a lot but I never really felt like I was losing control, even if I was turned on physically, I knew what I had to do. Very clear communication with your partner about this helps. It was often difficult for him but he never seriously tried to persuade me into going all the way, because he knew it wasn't going to happen, and he respected my values.

He didn't have the same value system as me, he'd slept with other women before me (not that I cared), but he knew if he had to have me, he had no choice but to wait.

Teacup000 · 2021-09-08T00:52:25+00:00

A good rule discussed back when I was in my high school Catholic youth group was KSU: Kiss Standing Up. It's more difficult for things to go too far if you're never sitting or lying down when being affectionate. Another good rule is to not take clothes off.

It's also much easier if you don't hang out in a private space just the two of you.

I wish you luck!

BroChapeau · 2021-09-07T21:57:54+00:00

This is a very interesting topic these days. The trouble is that society's full acceptance of hook up culture, casual sex, and 'get it girl' encouragement of female sexual desires has produced a dating scene wherein smart men start to filter out women who do not sleep with them quickly. This is because these men reasonably assume that said woman has categorized them in the take-it-or-leave-it category while she quickly goes to bed with men she actually finds attractive. This is, all considered, an extremely reasonable assumption in 2021, as this is exactly what many, many women are doing.

You are 'new to' celibacy, which sounds as if you were certainly not celibate in a past life. I see only two ways for this to work. As an aside, it's essential that you at some point explain this - both your past and the reason for the change in your thinking - to a man you're ~~leading on~~ dating.

Find a very religious community with ~~fools~~ men who may believe you're born again. It may also have non-fool men with past marriages who may accept your past life in exchange for you accepting theirs.
Add significant value to his life to demonstrate your genuine deep desire for him, as this is what a smart man is filtering for. Do you view him as deeply desirable and have a desire not to lose him? You can see how a woman who is celibate now but not in the past is very, very difficult to believe if she claims she finds him very attractive. Significant value means doing things for him, helping make his life easier and helping him achieve his goals. Demonstrate compliance and eagerness to please.

FYI: If your past is significant in length or breadth then I do not recommend your celibacy strategy. I'm a christian man, and I would filter you out.

Granted I've never been part of that sub sect of modern Protestantism that puts a great emphasis on no pre-marital sex, but it's also worth considering the vast difference in courtship and mate selection in biblical times vs now. In biblical times there would have been only a handful of eligible mates in your village of perhaps 1,000 people, people's life paths and sex roles were very very clear, and a young person who found a suitable enough partner had no reason to wait. People got married very quickly after finding out they got along well enough. Today family formation is suffering from large artificial price barriers that necessitate a mature career, the illusion of worldwide mate choice, ongoing culture wars over sex roles, and divergent domestic value systems that require longer courtship periods.

The bottom line is that waiting for marriage means waiting ~1-3 years minimum these days, not 3 months as it would have been in ancient times. This is without even mentioning the serious legal consequences for the dissolution of a marriage, which scares many men off the whole concept. 'Modern' marriage is not comparable to ancient marriage, which would for instance not have allowed the woman to refuse her husband sex (this would have been a wholly alien concept).

If you are intent on your path, I'd recommend aiming for some measure of fidelity and exclusive commitment before ending your period of celibacy, but not for marriage.

TheTrollingMole · 2021-09-14T06:37:36+00:00

Everything you said means no chance for a HVM

Title	how to date & still be celibate
Author	Jazzlike-Arachnid258
Upvotes	11
Comments	12
Date	September 7, 2021 5:54 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pjh18k/how_to_date_still_be_celibate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-date-still-be-celibate.1067606 https://theredarchive.com/post/1067606

Comments