How to stop this negative rumination, or whatever you'd call it...?

PhantomDream09 · 2014-02-09T22:41:31+00:00

Step 1: Run faster

Step 2: Remember an umbrella in the future

Step 3: It's only rain, so unless you're the Wicked Witch of The West, you're not going to melt

Step 4: Don't sweat the small stuff (here's a hint: most things are small stuff)

Step 5: Don't be an emotional drama queen. This really isn't a big deal. Presumably the weather was overcast/raining before you left home. Keep an umbrella in the car at all times, along with a towel or two (so you can dry off when it rains, or clean up something that spills). Frankly, this post makes you sound incredibly bratty and stuck up. It's rain, not acid. Take a deep breath and relax. Ask yourself "is this really worth getting angry about? 90+% of the time, it's not worth causing a fuss.

cat_fox · 2014-02-09T22:51:48+00:00

I don't see what he did wrong. What was he supposed to do, walk slow with you?

Lady_Motido · 2014-02-09T22:45:35+00:00

EDIT: I would like to point out that my comment below was too harsh for the amount of information I had to go by. I explain it further into the comments below if you're interested.

So it would seem you do not have your husband's full respect. I would take this opportunity to do some serious soul searching to see what it is that you are doing that would make your husband not care that you are being left out in the rain.

My husband would have done one of two tings in this situation, drive me as close to the door as possible and brave the rain himself after parking the car or would have held his coat over me while walking us to the restaurant.

What did you do to make it so your husband does not care for you in this way? That is the question you should be asking yourself.

cat_fox · 2014-02-09T23:37:10+00:00

Let me get this straight. I said that this does not happen very often at all in this relationship. I was not blaming my husband or saying he was a bad guy, just that this happened and I got emotional and wanted to see what you all might have done in a similar situation. Some of you say this would NEVER happen, yet in another thread, I read that everyone on here is trying to IMPROVE themselves and help each other on here do the same. Some people seem to be jumping to really extreme conclusions here.

Bakerofpie · 2014-02-09T23:48:36+00:00

It's a problem I acknowledge about myself that I can get overly emotional, whether happy or sad, I feel things strongly and feelings are difficult to control because even if I know something is stupid and not worth worrying about, I can't really stop the emotions.

I don't get really upset with my husband very frequently, but when it happens I will usually wait until I can be calm and say something like "I know it's stupid and you didn't really do anything wrong, but I'm sad at you because of whatever situation." Then he'll usually make fun of me and we'll both laugh and move on. After typing this out I realize it's probably not going to work for a lot of couples, especially if you don't already have a dynamic of teasing each other.

My mental assessment is this: Is what he did a big deal? Did he know he was doing something that would upset me? If I say nothing and try to ignore it will I forget about it in a couple of hours or will I be grouchy for days over it? If the answer to all 3 is "yes" I will still try to approach him calmly when we can have a discussion rather than an argument, but 9 times out of 10 I realize it wasn't a big deal and rather than get after him I can keep quiet until I've forgotten all about it. If I can't let it go but I know he didn't knowingly do anything wrong I think it's okay to voice what's bothering you with the preface that you know he didn't do anything wrong and didn't intend to upset you but that your feelings were hurt.

My husband tends to walk ahead of me and leave me behind a lot because I have short legs and he has a long stride. When I catch up to him I will also sometimes ask if I've done something to bother him. If it's yes, I apologize. If it's no I will just say "oh, it just seemed like you were trying to get away from me." Those are my official tips from a fellow woman who gets riled up over trivial things sometimes.

cat_fox · 2014-02-09T23:11:54+00:00

'Nother bitchfest

boydeer · 2014-02-09T23:03:16+00:00

the only thing he didn't do was hold the door open for you, and some other guy got it. he could've dropped you off at the curb, which would be something to suggest next time.

LifterofThings · 2014-02-10T10:53:38+00:00

I know it was a minor blip in our relationship

This, imo, is half the battle. You know him well enough, presumably, that he's not deliberately trying to be inconsiderate. You also know, if you've lived with any other human being for any extended length of time, that you're bound to unintentionally piss each other off from time to time, and it's important to know that it GOES BOTH WAYS. Yeah, sometimes my bf does little things that piss me off, but I try to take a step back and recognize that I probably piss him off with at least equal frequency, and he's kind enough to just let it go... so I strive to do the same.

If it's not a one-off and you consistently find yourself feeling disrespected, let him know. Dudes ain't mind-readers. Bonus points if you can do it in a positive way (tell him how much you like to walk beside him, hold his hand, how great and valued and proud it makes you feel to be presented as his lady).

I also find that physical contact works to ease tension... even when I'm pissed at him. I dunno what it is, but after I force myself to cuddle up to him and get some hugs, it reminds me what's important-- the physical affection (which he is amazing at) kinda serves to reassure me that yes, he loves me, and he didn't mean whatever thing he did to piss me off.

pinkantlers · 2014-02-10T11:02:51+00:00

It seems like a really small thing, but if it's made you feel upset and hurt, why not just talk with him about it? Calmly.

Something like (fill in blanks) : "hey hubs, y'know when we went out the other night, ......... thing happened and it made me feel ......., I just wanted to hear what you thought about that".

Then you've done your bit. See what he says, and accept it. It's up to him whether he does anything about it or not, and as his first mate, you need to accept that decision. Chances are he didn't realise it was something that would upset you, so a simple and honest conversation may be all the medicine you need to remedy this situation.

Title	How to stop this negative rumination, or whatever you'd call it...?
Author	cat_fox
Upvotes	8
Comments	68
Date	February 9, 2014 10:33 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1xgug9/how_to_stop_this_negative_rumination_or_whatever/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-stop-this-negative-rumination-or-whatever.84249 https://theredarchive.com/post/84249

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