I apologize in advance because this post is long, but I'm losing my mind. A few years ago I moved out of my parents' house and into my boyfriend's apartment. His furniture is hideous and dysfunctional. I have tried to let it go and focus on other things, but now that I work from home most days, it is seriously interfering with my ability to function.

When I describe this furniture as "hideous," I don't mean that it's not my style. I'm not asking for all-new, gorgeous designer furniture. I am completely okay with having second-hand, cheap, not-my-style home goods. Our sofa is creaky, our curtains wouldn't be my first choice, and that's ok. However, a lot of this furniture is permanently stained or broken, or just makes no sense.

Example: Our dining room table is an old, light-colored formica table. It is severely and permanently stained in multiple places. It's also chipped/dented/scratched in multiple. The metal trim is rusted beyond repair. The center groove (where the leaf would go) is broken, so it traps lots of food/dust/rust that can't be cleaned out.

We also have a gorgeous solid wood table that is in perfect shape. We use it as a TV stand in our living room right now. I keep suggesting that we take my parents' TV stand (they're moving), make the wood table our new dining room table, and discard the formica table. He refuses to consider it because the table has a slight wobble -- something I have assured him multiple times that I know how to fix.

He won't consider any plan that doesn't involve keeping this exact formica table as our primary table and displaying prominently in a high-traffic area.

It's like this with nearly all of the large, essential pieces of furniture. I am having similar struggled with our bed, our dresser, our pantry, and our dining room chairs (we have more dining room chairs than dining room and he insists on keeping the extras in a pile next to the front door -- why?!?). I have simple, affordable solutions that require very little work from him, but he is very attached to this specific setup and won't think about changing anything away from this exact setup.

He also has a lot of large music equipment that he doesn't use. When I say "a lot," I really do mean a lot. My father is a guitar enthusiast and because there are so many guitars in our house, on our walls, etc, he is always trying to suggest guitar-related gifts I can buy for my boyfriend or talk to him about guitar things. I have to keep explaining to my dad that my boyfriend doesn't play guitar and he doesn't believe me because there are so many guitars. Most of our living room is unusable because it is stuffed full of completely unused music equipment.

It's not even like we have divergent styles or anything. I show him my pinterest boards and he says they're perfect and exactly what he wants our home to look like. Every time I make a change to the house, he's glad I did it. But every single change I make is the result of a weeks-long argument.

I really need to be able to work from home, but the constant clutter and mess affect my performance both physically and emotionally. I also feel so sad and hurt that he doesn't trust me to make our space beautiful and functional without destroying the parts of it he loves the most. I have also expressed how hurtful it is to not be allowed to have a say in the layout of this home I pay 50% of the rent and utilities for. My best friend has lived abroad for many years and every time I video chat with her she mentions that it looks like I'm in someone else's home because the entire apartment is so unlike me. I tell him these things and he says that's not his intent, and he holds up extremely small concessions he's made (like the fact that he reluctantly let me hang up one of my late sister's paintings even though he wanted to keep all of the walls bare) as evidence that he is reasonable and makes compromises with me.

It feels insane to break up with someone because he has too many instruments and likes his formica table, especially because he is so good for me in every other way. I feel so crazy and conflicted as I write this out. Every time I clean up my own belongings, he follows suit and happily discards many of his other belongings. He just has an extreme emotional attachment to all of his furniture and won't consider alternatives unless it's a fight. I have looked closely trying to figure out if this is a pattern in our relationship, but he is really a champion in all other areas and really, specifically hates change when it comes to furniture.

I think he's being irrational about the furniture and I don't know what to do. Is this an unsalvageable relationship? Am I the asshole? Will reading a book like The Surrendered Wife help?