I feel so lost.

Kara_El · 2017-07-05T18:26:59+00:00

I got married at 19, to a complete and utter sociopath. Divorced and morbidly obese at 23, my Facebook feed was flooded with engagement photos and sonogram pictures (life in the South). I felt like it was too late to start over. It was terrifying.

Regardless, I spent the next few years bettering myself. I lost the weight, got a masters degree, built a career, consolidated some of my debt, and learned to manage my money. All the while, I dated, mostly online because it allowed me to focus on the important issues and worked with my schedule.

When I met my husband, I was 27 and he was 30. I'd more or less given up on the idea of having a nuclear family, like I'd always dreamed. No one yearns for a split home, where there's one child missing from half the Christmas pictures, because she's with her real mom. I knew I couldn't judge anyone else for their divorce and so often that means children. Then, I went on my last first date. It wasn't love at first sight. It was just a date, with a nice guy, who was kind of short and obviously losing his hair beneath that ball cap. He was funny and chivalrous and he texted me immediately to set up a second date. He'd never been married, but didn't judge me for my divorce. He had no kids, but wanted them. Now I'm married and I, too, never thought I'd be here.

mwait · 2017-07-05T11:22:13+00:00

It's a catch 22. There is no chance I will get married if I have sex with another man. There is no chance I will get married if I don't have sex with another man.

I just want to give you another perspective on this.

Guy's do prefer their SO's have fewer sexual partners. That much is true, almost universally. There is no denying it. That being said, I think your perception of this is a little skewed.

You are correct that the vast majority of men will not wait until marriage for sex. Anyone who tells you different is leaving out the religious component or is a 8-9 dating 5-6s and has incredible leverage in the relationship. Regardless of what someone may post here, and Im sure there will be a couple, a high-value RP-aware man will not wait until marriage for sex. The truth is, yes, you will need to have sex with your partner in order for them to want to marry you. Sexual compatibility is a HUGE part of relationships, especially for men. And it is impossible to know how compatible you are without actually doing the deed.

But having had multiple past sexual partners is NOT the deal breaker that some of the RPW here seem to think it is. While the number is important in the sense that most men have an n-count that they consider "too much", it actually has MUCH more to do with the types of sexual encounters. A woman who has had only 5 partners may have displayed much "sluttier" tendencies than someone with 10. The girl with the 5 count may have racked 3 of those up with some rando she brought home from the club. While the woman with 10 may have had 10 serious monogamous relationships between 16 and 26, etc. My point is, yes, lower is generally better... but the number does not necessarily speak to the character of the woman. This is one thing the RP world doesn't quite get right, IMO.

The other thing TRP gets wrong is how much value is placed on having a low n-count. I'm 31yo, objectively high value, and for the past couple years I have dated women from 22-28. I consider a single digit body count to be incredibly lucky and outside of the norm in this day and age. And as someone who has dated a few virigins, they make for some of the least compatible partners in general... for obvious sexual reasons... but also because they tend to have so much pent up sexual tension.

The kind of man that you want to build a life with is going to be intelligent and realistic. And, realistically, he will know that having had a couple past partners is just what you get when you don't marry your high school sweetheart.

AgathaMysterie · 2017-07-04T22:58:59+00:00

I am religious, just fyi, BUT... in my 20's I dated (stupidly) a lot of non-christian guys. Only once did a dude end the relationship because I wouldn't have sex with him. The other 6ish guys didn't mind AND I was the one who ended the relationship. Also TWO of them asked me to marry them.

I happily married my same-worldview husband at age 27, after dating for one year (so, engaged at 6mo. of dating). We met on okcupid, ha ha! We have two kids now.

I honestly think that if you're confident with it, the "no sex til marriage" thing could be a turn on, not a turn off. Plus it'll weed out a lot of the losers.

NeoWhimsical · 2017-07-07T01:20:29+00:00

I'm not a feminist by any means (the modern kind anyway) so that's not the reason why I'm going to disagree with Lauren, but I've seen plenty of miserable married women whose bodies have been ruined by having babies . So I really don't see this as a goal I aim for.

RubyWooToo · 2017-07-05T20:24:09+00:00

First and foremost, what Southern is addressing in that video is the pervasiveness of hookup culture (particularly on college campuses) and the extremely short-term view and focus on instant gratification that is foisted on youths today. You're really mistaken in your belief that most young women relationship-minded and aren't sleeping around, because I can assure you that many are.

It's hard to give advice when I don't know anything about your history or past relationships, but I will say that the best thing that you can do is get very good at vetting your future partners, and being very careful about who you date and who you sleep with. The importance of this isn't really in your n-count, but in making sure that you don't waste your time or accumulate emotional baggage with guys that you ultimately don't have a future with.

akanachan · 2017-07-04T22:22:49+00:00

The good news is that I'm very content with my life overall.

If this is true, why do you care what Lauren Southern (or anybody) says?

She makes it sound like if you don't get it right on the first try, you are a lost cause.

You already know how ridiculous this sounds, without me having to point it out to you :P

There's no "one true way" to guarantee happiness.

But there will always be people who will lecture you on how to live, how to think, and that doing what makes you happy is "wrong".

If you think they're right, by all means, take their advice. If what they say isn't for you, then ignore them.

Other people are not living your life, so other people's opinions are only as relevant as you want them to be.

I wish I was lucky enough to get married to the first person I fell in love with.

I think (in general) that marrying young (22 or younger) is always a bad idea, unless you're very lucky.

Once you reach your 30s, that's when you see most marriages fall apart for your peers (unless you happen to know a lot of lucky people).

Even if a divorce doesn't happen, they are constantly bitching about their marriage, and/or already busy cheating.

I personally ran away from several engagements in the past, and I do not have a single regret. I'm a lot happier unmarried.

But please don't take my advice if you're someone who wants children to feel fulfilled in life. I have no clue about any of that, because I've never wanted children :P

OwnedAndLoveIt · 2017-07-05T12:01:02+00:00

She is single and an unmarried "consevative" attention whore. Grain of salt my dear. This video was more for men than women.

xBreakFreex · 2017-07-07T21:24:24+00:00

I didn't find my man till I was 25. I wasn't specifically looking. I just focused on working on myself and raising my SMV and RMV, then everything just fell perfectly into place. Don't focus and obssess on finding mr right. Focus on yourself and raising your value, self-care, etc. I had my first boyfriend (first for everything - sex, kiss etc) at 19, that relationship lasted 1.5 years and ended badly (he ended up being a manipulative liar and I needed to seek a psychologist for a while) I was single up until this relationship - never dated, or had any kind of romantic or sexual encounter in that time. I felt like I'ld never find anyone.... But I kept working on myself, focused on making me the best I could be, being true to myself etc... Im very happy now... I had lost all hope... Do not fear... :)

Title	I feel so lost.
Author	throwawayayeyaiyai
Upvotes	17
Comments	35
Date	July 4, 2017 5:54 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6l59pw/i_feel_so_lost/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-feel-so-lost.73056 https://theredarchive.com/post/73056

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