Joint vs. Split Checking Accounts

YakCat · 2015-04-10T11:51:32+00:00

I want to add in your financial thinking for your marriage to have a budget meeting weekly or at least monthly.

My husband makes and manages our money in joint checking accounts (we deal with more then one currency/bank). Having a meeting every week helps us plan for big purchases, keeps our spending in check, and let's us figure out if we need to pull money from one budget to another to stay in line with the total budget.

We spend and save with what is needed and plan for what is wanted. For example, we just had our 3 yr wedding anniversary and decided to start saving for a 10 yr anniversary trip (Antarctica cruise!).

Mint has a great app for you to check your budget. I honestly don't touch it until I go shopping but I know what I can spend and where.

We also have a review of our week and how we supported one another. Any grievances are talked about if they still linger. For example, he hurt my feelings and went a bit too far at teasing in front of friends. I didn't stew over it but it still bothered me by the time our meeting night came around. We discussed it, he apologized and we got past it. We also talk about all points of marriage as if it's a budget, our fun time for the week, what projects needs done, sexual fulfillment, what to do on week nights, etc. Not that we say "no" to sex if we've already hit our mark, just a general "Do you feel satisfied?".

Both the budget and the marriage meeting were told to me by a couple that was happily married over 50 yrs (and going strong). It really does strengthen your marriage and I wish someone had told me sooner to do this.

TL:DR Advice that was given to me from a 50+ yr happily married couple that works well!

SoonToBeMrsHim · 2015-04-09T18:51:16+00:00

We're going to have 1 joint and 2 separate. Our paychecks enter the joint and then we auto transfer to our separate. His auto transfer will be larger but he also makes noticeably more than I do. Currently we have the joint account and we each put in the money we need to pay house bills. half are in his name, half are in mine. He puts in about 60% of the needed amount for all the house bills and I cover 40%. I recently got a new job with a raise so we're going to sit down and re-figure everything out post wedding. It's too much to deal with now.

Best wishes on the big day and for your marriage!!

HannahFree · 2015-04-09T19:01:44+00:00

We have a joint account. He is completely responsible for the money, although he never makes a big purchase without mentioning it to me first, as a courtesy. I don't spend any unnecessary money unless I ask him.

This works for us. It promotes communication and team work from both ends, because we have talked about our goals. Also, I do love being able to check the account whenever I'm curious about the state of our finances. I feel like asking him about it would show a lack of trust, but logging in to the account and seeing the numbers gives me a peace of mind about the purchases I want to make. It helps me know what the limit to ask for should be.

[deleted] · 2015-04-09T19:38:54+00:00

Joint Account

Pros

You are forming a family unit, and having one account reinforces the idea that you are both working together to navigate different financial decisions. It's not 'his' money or 'my' money - only our money.
Everyone contributes to the funds, and paying for bills is simplified because there's only one account to deal with.
You both have a clear understanding of where you stand financially (in theory at least)
Purchases, investments, and costs have to be made together, and both people have to keep the other one appraised of what they spend and when, which encourages open communication and honesty about spending habits.

Cons

If you have differing views on how money should be spent, having one account can be a source of stress, instead of calm. Some people put a high premium on saving money, not even because they need it, but simply because the idea of a cushion is a source of comfort. If the person they are married to has a different philosophy, one of "I can always make more money" - then one account may introduce a bit of stress into the relationship. Not that this can't be resolved by establishing some common ground. The 'saver' in the relationship could say "I just want to make sure that we always have 'x' amount in the account, while the spender says "if I spend under y amount of money on something, then I don't need to clear it with you first."
If there's a joint account, and one person is assigned to take care of the finances, the other person may develop an unrealistic impression of how much money is available - particularly if (to avoid stressing their loved one) the person in charge of the money isn't clear about how much is available. This can be resolved by having both people on the same page as far as how much is in the account, and how much gets spent every month in general. There's nothing wrong with having one person run the finances, but I do think both people in a relationship should make an effort to stay up to date on how much money is available and how much is being spent.

Individual Accounts

Pros

Everyone has their own money, and there's no need to confer with someone else when you feel like buying something.
There's no conflict about how to spend money. People that feel strongly about wanting to save can do so without feeling at odds with their SO if they happen to enjoy spending money.
Everyone is responsible for paying their own bills, so if something is overlooked one person can't point the finger at their SO and say "You forgot to pay x."
No matter what happens, you always know that you have money available to you and no one else. Your money cannot suddenly vanish because someone else has access to it.

Cons

More planning is required in order to make sure shared expenses get covered. Instead of taking money out of one account, you have to figure out (1) if you are going to split the cost of a bill, or if (2) one person will pay for all of it up front and the other person repays a portion of the cost. It can become chaotic, but this can be fixed simply by establishing a routine and communicating. First, you figure out all the various bills that have to be covered and then decide how to deal with them (example: one person covers the gas/electric bill and the other person buys groceries). It's important to decide how to cover shared costs (mortgage/rent, water, trash, insurance, cell phone, groceries etc).
Potentially less transparency. You won't necessarily know what your spouse is spending their money on. For some couples, this may breed doubt or concern, other couples may appreciate the independence.

I think that any approach is a valid one so long as the couple in question knows how to make the system they develop work. My parents have a blend of both approaches. They have a joint account together, and they also have individual accounts. When they have to use money from the joint account they discuss it with each other, and they pay all their bills using that money. That said, they also have the freedom to buy whatever they want for themselves by using money from their respective private accounts.

My SO and I have separate accounts, and I believe very strongly that everyone should have a private account that only they have access to. This view was reinforced recently because a friend of mine experienced some unexpected difficulties and found out the hard way that her financial situation was not what she had thought it was.

/u/occamsusername and I have established a system that works really well for us, though it may not work for other couples, and that's fine. There are certain things we both pay for, and in some cases one person will cover the cost of something and the other person reimburses them later. I tend to be very private when it comes to money (it's just how I was brought up), and I don't like to feel as though I'm prying. I sometimes ask Occam for his input about something prior to investing or making a purchase, and he gives me a head's up when he buys something. That said, I don't dictate how he spends his money or vice versa, and I enjoy knowing that any money he spends on me, he does so voluntarily and because he wants to. He makes more money than I do, but because many of our bills are separate, I never feel guilty about living outside my means. Knowing that I pull my own weight is important to me, because I want to contribute to our relationship in every way, across the board.

Bakerofpie · 2015-04-09T23:40:05+00:00

For us it is sooo much more convenient to share an account. We ended up getting a joint account within a couple of months of living together because deciding who would pay what bills was a hassle, and since I made more money than he did it seemed to give him a sense of guilt when I was paying most of the bills. He also hadn't lived on his own before and so only had a savings account that he needed to check the balance on maybe every couple of months because without any bills to pay there was never any sort of risk of overdrawing. That became a fairly large problem when we were on our own.

After hearing some of the advice here I tried to ask Husband if he would prefer to be the one in control of finances and before I could even finish the question I got a "NO, absolutely not." To him it's just another chore he doesn't want to do. We live below our means, and whenever a check comes in I determine how much of it can go into savings and if he asks I just relay how much is left in checking. I just make sure to leave enough that he can make a lot of small purchases for his hobbies, and if there is a large thing we are saving for he just asks me what our savings looks like and when I expect to have enough to buy whatever it is.

It works well for us. But I think that living below our means is an important part of that. If I were trying to manage finances and he was going out bringing our account close to zero all the time it would cause issues between us. I think it's important to share similar philosophies on finances in a relationship, particularly since it's the number one thing couples fight about.

sariaru · 2015-04-10T12:34:10+00:00

We have three accounts, 1 joint, 2 separate. This isn't because of any trust issues, but DH and I are from different countries and living in (another) different country.

I'm American, and have an American account as a holdover account from my university days. It's great because, as a university account, there's no minimum balance, and no weird fees. We use this to buy from US stores.

He's British and has a British account. He works for HM Forces, and we get paid into that account in pounds. It's sort of like our "savings" account. We also use this account for large, one-time purchases.

We live in Germany, and have a shared German account that we transfer money into from the English account. Because of the value of the pound over the euro, we only transfer small amounts at a time for things like grocery shopping; this keeps most of our savings in strong pounds rather than the now-collapsed euro, meaning we now have about 25% more buying power than those who elected to get paid in euros.

Anyways, all that is to say that we use different cards for different things, but we both know all the details of the others card information; we're gaming the banks more than trying to keep money from each other. We've set a budget for weekly food which I stick to, and he's in charge of making most of the big purchases.

mrp3anut · 2015-04-09T22:10:17+00:00

I cannot speak for everyone but if my future wife expected to have private bank accounts I wouldn't marry her. Keeping private accounts is begging for your spouse to hide things from you and keeps money as a concern in the relationship.

My recommendation: Talk with your SO about money and how he wants it to work. If he doesn't have a clear system I would encourage the two of you to decide on one partner that us in charge of writing/maintaining the budget. Once you have a plan on paper you sit down together maybe once a week at first, eventually about once a month to discuss any planned purchases and where all the money is going.

For those that feel like this "restricts" what you can spend it does, which is why I do it this way. It is easy to be wasteful when you are accountable to only yourself, not so much when you have to look your partner in the eye and explain yourself.

FleetingWish · 2015-04-09T19:17:01+00:00

I would say simply "whatever your SO wants". There is no "right" or "wrong" way to set up your savings. If your SO wants it split, then split it. If he wants it combined, then combine. Or whatever other combination he wants. He's the captain in your relationship, so whatever he thinks is best, is what you should do.

[deleted] · 2015-04-24T05:25:09+00:00

Me and my husband have two separate accounts but each has a different purpose. My husband account goes towards bills everyday expenses and a $25,000 emergency fund. Mine is savings, investment and extras(vacations stuff like that). Also, things that are just for me(clothes, makeup, etc.)

But me and my husband are lucky enough that my income is extra. My husband makes more then enough to cover everything and some extras. So my income which is only about $5,000-10,000 less then his is just extra.

SuperSlavisWife · 2015-04-10T07:53:22+00:00

How we're doing it: we each have an ISA and a basic account. Once we each have saved a minimum untouchable 3k into our basic accounts we're opening a shared account and anything above the minimum goes into that. That means we have the minimum as our emergency money, the shared money for food, bills and kid prep, our ISAs for savings with interest.

saffronbelle · 2015-04-12T08:45:31+00:00

My parents have one joint account which both salaries flow into. My father has a few separate accounts for investment purposes, but other than that, everything is transparent.

It makes sense to me. It's not my father's money or my mother's money - it's their money. All large purchases are discussed beforehand and everything has worked out well.

I'd like to have one joint account for both logical and emotional reasons - it makes sense because it's simplistic: all bills are paid from one account and voila, we're done, but it's still a really nice reminder of the home and family you've made together now that you're married.

Joint accounts are pretty traditional, I'd say. A lot of modern-day, non-RP marriages never have joint accounts because a lot of women want the independence of having their own finances locked away just in case. I don't think that's a good way to start a marriage, but hey, to each his own, I guess.

TheTerrorSquad · 2015-04-09T19:18:59+00:00

We have one joint account and two separate accounts

Mostly everything is done through the joint bit we both like to have a bit of spare cash to ourselves as there's nothing more shit that buying someone a gift with their own money

TempestTcup · 2015-04-09T23:03:15+00:00

We have a joint account and my husband handles the finances and investments, but he's a lot better at it and I'm an accountant and I do it all day at work and don't want to do it at home.

[deleted] · 2015-04-11T16:40:24+00:00

My husband and I have joint accounts. We talk about the budget together and savings goals but atm, Idk how much money is in our checking account. My husband handles all the day to day, I write out checks for bills and he tells me when to send them, he pays the online stuff (I prefer paper he prefers electronic) but he handles everything because it stresses me out too much. I used to handle it and it would affect my whole day. SO handles it now and it's so much better for me and he likes to do it. His first marriage, he had no say in money matters even though he was the only one working... ANYWAY... Our system works really well for us, we have had many serious talkS and we both know what page we are on. If you asked SO what our savings goals are, his answer would be the same as mine.

So lots of communication, decide together what's important and don't look at things as "this is my money, this is his money". That puts you two against each other. You are together now, same team, same life, same checking accounts. :-)

[deleted] · 2015-04-09T19:29:55+00:00

We each have our own accounts with designated responsibilities towards the household. He pays the rent and bills while I pay for the groceries, cleaning products, and the like. I do, however, tend to give my boyfriend my debit card when I don't need it because I tend to shop whenever there is nothing else to do.

As usual, voice your concerns with the SO and find something that works for ya'll. :-)

Title	Joint vs. Split Checking Accounts
Author	tryanotherJuan
Upvotes	6
Comments	21
Date	April 9, 2015 6:40 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3210ul/joint_vs_split_checking_accounts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/joint-vs-split-checking-accounts.85305 https://theredarchive.com/post/85305

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