Just a tip on virginity

elmartinas · 2020-05-08T18:46:39+00:00

Thank you for brining this up. I lost my own virginity in less than ideal circumstances and now that I'm dating seriously for the discernment of marriage I sometimes feel absolutely wrecked that my n-count is higher than I'd like it to be because I perceived relationships to be so much more serious than they were or fell for pretty obvious pick up artist games in my late teens. I'm mortified at how naive and insecure I was.

I've had to learn and realize that I have so much more to offer than "purity" in a relationship and sex is just one piece of the large puzzle of marriage/relationships.

Rest_in_grace · 2020-05-08T20:06:27+00:00

This is a good post. I understand what you are saying. Basically I waited until my wedding night and I married the wrong guy bc of it. I just assumed that once I found a guy willing to wait until my wedding night then boom he MUST be the one...I’m now divorced. I walked down the aisle with a badddd feeling.

AnnaAerials · 2020-05-08T19:47:27+00:00

Yep! Losing mine put me in a really bad place, that was 10 years ago and I wish I could give my younger self a hug.

lookitsmeyay2 · 2020-05-08T18:53:53+00:00

OP, be kind to yourself. It's an awful feeling having someone take away a part of you that you value so highly, and I recommend you talk to a professional about how this is impacting your relationship. You've been hurt, so it would be prudent to find a place to heal. A path to acceptance and self-love.

I don't believe virginity should define a woman's worth. What a woman invests in and how she goes about building herself as a person is what defines her. That's why being exceptionally promiscuous (the definition of which is subjective from person to person) is a red flag to many out there. It shows you invested a huge portion of your life into other people and define yourself by the people around you, which can show a lack of direction in the self. Now it's possible to have both, but scientifically speaking, overt sexuality is correlated with depression and mood disorders.

Your virginity is NOT who you are. You are what you do. Have you lived a fulfilling life? Has some of the other 99.9% of it besides this unfortunate occurrence been spent helping yourself improve and grow? Have you contributed good to the world and tried your best to be a force of kindness and love? THAT'S what matters.

TranslatedSky · 2020-05-08T20:21:50+00:00

Can definitely relate to this and I made the same mistake actually. After losing my virginity, I slept with someone I wasn’t in a r/s with because I wanted to remove its importance. It didn’t work. What worked was therapy. Should definitely not beat yourself up over it. I’ve come to the conclusion that a lot of the value we place on virginity has to do with upbringing, which is out of our control.

It’s still hard for me to detach from it and I still go back to that day, but I remind myself that I have still so much more to give to my future husband, that no man will ever receive from me or get to see. And since I’m ever improving, it’ll be an endless stream.

solsticio21 · 2020-05-08T19:51:34+00:00

I completely agree. Virginity should never be a measure of anyone's worth, if it was really that important to the value of a person then society would regard virginity equally between men and women - not only in our modern age but during all of history (which was not the case). But qualities like honor and integrity, being humble and kind, treating others with respect and dignity have been upheld throughout time because they are the qualities that matter!

I feel like I had a similar experience to OP based on the given information, and if I had a better understanding of which values will actually matter to me during the course of my life, I would have had more integrity towards myself (and more kindness), resulting in different outcomes during that developmental period.

ASTRA-LUX · 2020-05-08T22:31:30+00:00

It consumes me feeling less worthy for my fiancé and feeling like i have to overcompensate. Sometimes I even feel like pushing him away because I feel less valuable and like he should find a virgin and be happy.

Unless he was also a virgin (and even then) you shouldn't really let a very small physical triviality consume you and potentially damage your relationship. He's with you because he accepts you for who you are. Ask yourself this 'Do you truly love him?', 'Are you entirely devoted and submitted to him?' I'll assume that you deeply care for him..probably even more than you give yourself credit for. The fact that you posted this shows how much you're willing to be his life partner and be there for him under any circumstances whether things are prosperous or not. Treasure him but most of all, treasure yourself.

Sobinia · 2020-05-08T18:42:38+00:00

Who's more chaste, OP? A woman that sucked off 10 men, had anal sex with 5 others but still has a piece of hymen between her legs, or one that was assaulted, but hasn't been willingly sexually active before or after that incident? If you aren't giving your chastity away, then you aren't giving away your virginity, at least in my opinion.

Noodlesoupe2 · 2020-05-08T23:36:03+00:00

The only guys who demand a virgin are delusional incels or super religious guys and you probably want neither.

Magicallypeanut · 2020-05-09T03:37:47+00:00

Your worth isn't tied to your virginity. If you're basing it strictly off of hymen, those things are fickle. Some women are born without one, some are born with ones that never break, some women have very small ones, and some can tear by playing sports and you wouldn't know. You lose your virginity when you say you lose your virginity. Having sex the first time doesn't "punch your v-card". You fiance is marrying you because they love you and they still love you despite your v-card status.

All that being said, I too came from the "my first time was very strange and some may..." I wasn't really raised with a virginity/value thing but even so, I felt dirty? afterwards. It's hard to describe but it wasn't special, it wasn't anywhere close to what I had imagined and it screwed with me for awhile afterwards.

I think you bring up a lovely point about virginity. I hope more women (and men!) understand what you said here

901735 · 2020-05-08T20:33:22+00:00

Sometimes I even feel like pushing him away because I feel less valuable and like he should find a virgin and be happy.

So you're basically punishing yourself AND him?

cIeanbandit · 2020-05-12T13:48:15+00:00

When my girlfriend and I first started dating, I told her that I hadn't been with anyone else before. She was in a similar position to you and it really upset her that she had done it with someone she didn't really like.

My advice is to forgive yourself. Your virginity is not a measure of your worth and there's no reason to try and compensate. It doesn't change a thing in the present. Love your fiancé as much as you would otherwise.

But first learn to love yourself.

acceptable_runx · 2020-05-15T18:24:53+00:00

I relate to you a lot and i think what you wrote in this post is important.

lilasbaby2 · 2020-05-27T00:44:28+00:00

Just to give another perspective, I was once shamed for being a virgin. Like a guy I was dating explicitely stated somewhere that he wouldn't date a virgin and that scarred me to this day and I still feel shame for being a v. These days it's almost not a good thing. lol

Title	Just a tip on virginity
Author	acceptable_runx
Upvotes	106
Comments	29
Date	May 8, 2020 5:24 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/gfxdgs/just_a_tip_on_virginity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/just-a-tip-on-virginity.661216 https://theredarchive.com/post/661216

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