My bf makes about 100k a year and works in a major (and incredibly expensive) city. I live 1.5 hours away in a suburb, and make about half that. He’s very serious about our future, and tells me his goal is to make double his current salary to be able to provide for me and a family someday (yay)

He spent a lot of his savings moving to the current city (he’s European) and came here for work opportunities and to pursue me (yayyyy)

Recently he’s been looking into the possibility of living closer to me and commuting to work, and we looked at a few places online to get a feel. He’s said things like “oh between the two of us this would be affordable / much less than what I pay now” etc.

For context I moved back home with my parents and pay into a Roth IRA rather than pay them rent, which is very generous of them and a great opportunity with me to build my savings.

I’m not excited about the idea of straining myself financially while he lightens his burden and makes so much more than me (he’s up for a 25k salary bump as well) for now I will stay at my parents and we will continue to do medium long distance, but eventually he will propose and we will at some point in the future have to figure out a permanent living situation.

I was previously engaged to a man who was an abusive cheater, however he paid all the bills. I don’t know what a healthy adult relationship in regards to finances looks like, I don’t want to associate financial provision with manipulation and control, but I don’t want to go 50/50 either. He IS European so there are cultural differences there. I’ve avoided this topic and plan to just decline his offer to live with him as long as possible. What realistically should I accept as far as financially contributing / being provided for?