Not Just For Anyone

beautyandbravo · 2024-02-02T23:41:19+00:00

Together for 12 years, married for 5, discovered RPW (Laura Doyle) about 4 or so years into dating.

Huge piece of advice (and I’ll actually write this on the wedding shower game lol) is sometimes it’s more important to be happy than to be right!

Also - heal your shit. I had frustrating patterns with dating and into my early relationship with my husband where I’d sabotage myself. Once I gained awareness of this, realized I can try new ways and started working on it everything changed. Not just romantically, but working through the pain you’ve internalized (big or small) and learning how to self regulate (and self love) changed everything in my life for the better. No one ever teaches a lot of us but we can learn!

This process involves learning when to humble yourself and admit to yourself when you’re wrong, discerning, strengthening and pursuing your values through your experiences which creates alignment and peace. So it gives you a really authentic and deep access to those same skills needed to foster a successful relationship and ultimately marriage.

CountTheBees · 2024-02-02T23:42:43+00:00

I would say, don't be stubborn, try yielding, and be open to trying it his way. Women often get more anxious than men do and as you said in your last post, try to be helpful, with good intentions, but with the exact opposite of the desired effects. If you're doing something with him for the first time, give him a chance to try his way first. If it doesn't work out then you can both come up with a new strategy together. But coming in with the "definite answer" and not being open to trying his way can really put a damper on the relationship. Basic, but makes a big difference in the beginning.

Cosima_Fan_Tutte · 2024-02-03T00:03:56+00:00

a friend asked you how you keep a beautiful, healthy, happy RPW relationship what would be the most important thing you'd tell her?

The most important thing is vetting, but specifically vetting for well-matched dominance levels. I think this is an essential RPW post: https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/s/TBOw87sZMD

You can and should vet for similar values, goals and lifestyle, of course, but if you're poorly matched in your dominance levels, you could be in for a rough time despite being a good match on paper.

All these other skills--communication, stfu, listening, etc.--are great! Learn them, practice them. But they will be more difficult and less effective with a dominance mismatch.

RatchedAngle · 2024-02-02T23:19:07+00:00

I think there are two primary things a woman must do to be happy in a marriage:

Learn to be humble and listen. This is a skill that men and women must both learn. The universe can teach you nothing if you are not listening. Learn to stop putting so much information out and start taking more information in.
Learn how to vet properly.

Number two is so important. When you vet for the right man, it’s easy to STFU. It’s easy to STFU and focus on happiness when you have a man who shares your values and your likes and your hobbies. It’s easy to STFU over minor or even major issues when your man has your back 95% of the time.

I rushed into my marriage and miscalculated. I thought me and my husband would work because we both wanted a traditional marriage with kids. But I failed to acknowledge his obvious flaws because I was young and in love and scared and stupid.

He’s working on his flaws, but I had to push hard for him to grow up and it destroyed our dynamic. I fear we will never be truly happy, but he wants me to stay with him and my final act of submission is to do do.

My advice to single women: if you find yourself pushing a man to behave the “right” way, get out. It might be cute at first. Maybe you tell yourself “oh he’s just not book smart.” You might not mind giving him advice or nudging him in the right direction. But it gets bad fast and he will resent you even if your advice is good advice.

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-02-03T05:07:18+00:00

Choose your battles.

Modern women fight about everything, from how the dishwasher is loaded to how he plays with the kids to how he spends his free time. They're just such nags. Ten years later, they wonder why he can't show any initiative around the house, after being relentlessly criticized for every effort.

I've never struggled with nagging or STFU, because my husband is immune to nagging. His mother is hyper critical to the point that it's just white noise to him. In fact, I sometimes joke that he's the overly critical Red Pill wife because he takes after his mother and has an opinion on everything. It's not uncommon for me to remind him that he can tell me how it's done or ask me to do it, but not both. He's just a man and doesn't react defensively when I point out that he's being overbearing.

I learned quickly that if I wanted my husband to hear me, I had to be choosey about when a complaint or criticism was warranted. I rarely interject in his method unless he's about to destroy something. In return, I have a husband who gets up with our three under three in the night, does dishes, cooks dinner, and picks up toys. Does he do all these things to my exact preference? No, but if I wanted that, I'd do it myself.

Clipzy22 · 2024-02-03T05:44:10+00:00

A little tip for communicating with men is that biological men are much more linear thinkers in that they are better at focusing on one thing.

Guys are not quite as able to get away with multitasking like women, and as such, it is much more effective to bring up 1 thing at a time during a conversation or god forbid an argument.

This will keep responses much more thought out and effective.

For example, say you're planning a trip you wouldn't want to bring up how to save for the trip, where you want to go and what kind of hotel all at once. Women are biologically better at multitasking, and I doubt you'd want someone doing that to you, let alone to someone naturally worse at it.

Guys, on the other hand, are better at focusing on one thing, and once the layout on the trip you're planning is there, he'd be able to focus on it as a singular task. As such, he would be able to utilize his biological strong suit to put it all together as a well thought out and organized task.

Once again, the harmony of men and women showing itself through even menial things.

HelloFuckYou1 · 2024-02-03T14:58:02+00:00

be careful, because this situation is a double-edged sword: one side with her asking you how you do it.... and the other might end up being her trying to sabotage you to steal your man (given that she cannot get what you have elsewhere), which i have seen before

Janiterluv · 2024-02-03T22:39:21+00:00

My advice- cook, clean, don’t get old, don’t gain weight. Don’t come after me, I am a woman. I find Tony Gaskins videos helpful at the moment.

AutoModerator · 2024-02-02T22:57:37+00:00

Title: Not Just For Anyone

Author AmilliBee

Full text: I had a conversation with my boyfriend on a drive home recently.

I told him how yet another friend of mine "wishes she could meet a man like I have." And "your relationship is so good."

He told me why don't I tell her why our relationship us so good next time she says she wants what we have. He said I wouldn't be this way with anyone it's because of me and how I respect him and myself that he wants to step up for me and us.

I thought this was a good idea, and it also made me want to ask y'all: If a friend asked you how you keep a beautiful, healthy, happy RPW relationship what would be the most important thing you'd tell her?

*I think this post is best for women in relationships (LTR or marriage) to reply to and for single women to get insight. But anyone is free to comment what they think.

I would personally say learn how to listen better. It's the best advice I've gotten. My boyfriend and I (27 F, 26 M for 3 years) have better conversations, communication, and understanding because I let him finish a complete thought.

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Title	Not Just For Anyone
Author	AmilliBee
Upvotes	44
Comments	16
Date	February 2, 2024 10:57 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1ahgvi8/not_just_for_anyone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/not-just-for-anyone.1244450 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244450

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