We Really Should STFU

jafropuff · 2024-01-25T03:58:25+00:00

The part that stood out to me is how you were thinking of different ways to do it but still kept your mouth shut and let the man continue on his mission in a supportive way. All of which contributed to a desirable outcome for you both.

ArkNemesis00 · 2024-01-25T04:06:53+00:00

Last week my husband did lots of things I would have preferred he didn't do. Some of which, I do think are legitimate grievances on my part.

Then, a couple nights ago, our youngest didn't wake up until after 7am for the first time in a week. Suddenly, I found I didn't care about all the annoying things my husband did. I just wanted to have a good day together as a family, and was very productive.

Sometimes STFU is the gift that keeps on giving. I would've just been beating a dead horse having a bunch of serious talks. We just needed a night of sleep in order to feel like ourselves and get back to treating each other with our usual kindness.

Thanks for sharing! u/LivelyLychee, can we give u/Amillibee a star?

Minimum_Candy99 · 2024-01-25T00:59:02+00:00

That's awesome. I struggle not to say things even though I do know better than him with some things. When things go belly up I try not to say you should have done it like this etc.. Cos really a man just wants a woman to stroke his ego.

snowyjenna · 2024-01-25T10:40:46+00:00

This is amazing advice. I had to learn to not involve myself in his work, because if I start criticizing it, he'll feel incompetent which 1) can have an impact on his concentration while doing the said work, and 2) can have an impact on our relationship overall. If I always recommend doing something my way, I'm taking over the masculine energy, and he'll lose the will to do something in the future because he knows he'll end up feeling emasculated.

moonlitbutterfly117 · 2024-01-26T04:40:36+00:00

Maaaaaaan I get it. I’ve been in the “male” role helping, supporting, and taking care of my grandma. Her husband/my grandpa has been passed away for quite a few years now.

Any time I’m putting together a piece of furniture or something for her, the woman will not. Stop. Commenting.

It’s this constant barrage of questions about how it works, what goes where, if I’m sure I’m doing it the right way, “helpful” suggestions, often WHILE I’m trying to read the instructions, or am actively thinking.

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE my grandmother to bits and pieces. But, I’ve had to gently explain to her: I cannot possibly answer her questions, and figure out solutions to problems at the same time. I’ve had to politely ask her to GO AWAY as well…

It probably sounds like I’m bashing her, but I just mean to say that I can empathize with how sometimes the best “help” really is to give a person space, and let them think.

RedPillDad · 2024-01-25T03:27:52+00:00

As a generalization, a woman complains about shit so a man will fix it for her. Damseling can be very effective. Afterwards, the woman believes "I did this" because her complaints were the catalyst for the outcome. Men get tooled, with some of them eagerly signing up for that deal because they really enjoy feeling useful.

For the woman I worked with, I had to break them out of this habit of relying on a man to fix things. Generally, they became quite capable as problem solvers.

CupPreious1583 · 2024-01-26T13:45:03+00:00

That advice is in one way stupid; because if the woman knows more about a process telling her to shut up leads everyone having their finger in the machine. aka you cannot generalize on default who knows more on what matter so to generally suggest the girlfriend/wife/mother to shut up on everything the guy thinks he is good at, isn't something advisable.

RatchedAngle · 2024-01-25T01:01:07+00:00

Even if you were in the right, using your MIL as an “example” to show how you’re the better feminine woman is just…not proper feminine behavior. Unless she’s abusive/cruel, it’s not right to make a fool of her in this post even if she “did it to herself.”

If you’re going to do the right thing, then do so without patting yourself on the back. Be humble. And also recognize that mothers are not required, nor should they be expected to, submit to their adult sons the way they submit to their husbands. Even in heavily patriarchal cultures, the matriarch of the family was well-respected once her sons became adults.

She’s not a headache. She wiped his butt for years and taught him how to use the toilet and cleaned up his puke and kept him from doing stupid things to kill himself when he was a rambunctious little boy. So yeah, she’s probably nervous watching him handle heavy machinery.

Give her some grace.

AutoModerator · 2024-01-25T00:44:06+00:00

Title: We Really Should STFU

Author AmilliBee

Full text: I just witnessed in action why men get so frustrated when making something happen while women watch.

My boyfriend is moving a very heavy machine that was a complicated endeavor. He's the only man available to do so with 3 women to help including me.

His mother, bless her heart, she is sweet, but she really is an example of not implementing STFU and support. She kept asking "Can you do it like this" and suggesting things and overall getting in the way. To the point where my boyfriend had to politely ask her to stay in the living room (out of the way and without comments)

I just stood quietly and out of the way until he needed me. He'd hand me things to hold or tell me to grab things and I didn't say a word but "Okay". I'm not perfect I did think "You should do this." multiple times.

But I didn't say a single peep.

Eventually his mom was back over again. Back making comments. Back trying to involve herself. Unfortunately her finger got nipped in the process.

And I got a "Thanks so much for your help."

STFU and be a support ladies. Not a headache.

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Title	We Really Should STFU
Author	AmilliBee
Upvotes	152
Comments	33
Date	January 25, 2024 12:44 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/19ewfax/we_really_should_stfu/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/we-really-should-stfu.1243719 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243719

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