Red Flags in men

Zegiknie · 2018-11-20T13:48:00+00:00

Shady communication is a red flag. If someone leaves a lot in the middle, doesn't confirm or deny things, has a lot of "maybe" and useds a lot of words to say really nothing at all. If you don't know for sure whether or not you are meeting tonight and what time (culture aside of course - a Russian might show up hours late when meeting friends, while a Dutchman will apologize for being 5 minutes late and call if it gets worse than that).

Those people not only are super annoying, but they also won't be clear about your relationship. People who beat around the bush - nope.

I don't think high n-count is a very reliable indicator. Some men marry virgins before coming out of the closet 10 years and 2 kids later.

Some shady friends is no reliable indicator, either. My husband has them and while they don't share all their moral ideas, they share the ones that matter in friendship.

Also people in marketing are more likely to cheat than people in, say, mathematics. People who pick a profession that is about helping, rather than sucking dry, tend to be a little bit nicer. Although I know good men who work with shady companies, too (making a living matters). Not a red flag, but something to take notice of.

Love bombing is a red flag. But most people can sense the difference with genuine infatuation (tends to be paired with a touch of insecurity) and intense seduction (you feel under pressure, in a way). Infatuated people glow, they can't wipe the goofy grin off their faces. Their laughter is such a genuine release of tension, they enjoy being with you so much. That's very different from lots of gifts and compliments.

Being very negative about an ex is a red flag. Sometimes it's true, sometimes not. Are they like that about all their exes? Do they see their own mistakes in choosing them?

Never heard of any book or resource, but people on here know a lot.

Kara__El · 2018-11-20T13:29:51+00:00

I'd suggest Marry Him: the Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, by Lori Gottlieb, because she specifically talks about red flags vs. being too picky and I think that's a big problem in dating, today. The red flags are important, but only if they're legitimate.

-Universe- · 2018-11-21T16:04:08+00:00

Red flags to look for in men:

-No mission

-Indecisive

-Emotionally & physically weak

-Momma's boy

-Passive-aggressive

-Unfashionable

-Incessant with video games/TV shows/pop culture

-Inactive

-Pushover (different from dominant)

-Implicit

-Doesn't give his full presence

-Bad relationships with everyone - friends/family/neighbours.

Desaday · 2018-11-21T01:55:31+00:00

Beware of commitment-phobes and sex addicts!

fosho_away · 2018-11-20T18:58:05+00:00

Criticizing people behind their backs in a meanspirited or unwarranted way. Like, pointing out an unattractive person in the grocery store, or cutting his friends down. He'll turn it on you, it's just a matter of when.

This is different from, "Yeah, Mike is really flakey. He's a good friend but he can be annoying." (warranted, not meanspirited) or "Haha, look at that person eating mayonnaise on the bus! Weird." (action based vs appearance or socio economic status based)

Tuplad · 2018-11-20T09:09:16+00:00

I think you can get by without a book or a resource. If it's not not love and respect, it's not it. Think rationally, I believe after a break up or divorce you'll have a clue of what's ok and not ok.

thatbadlarry · 2018-11-21T16:22:20+00:00

-Love-bombing early on in the relationship. -Past history of cheating - A casual relationship with the truth - Shitty relationship with family or exes (no relationship is fine but I wouldn’t tolerate constant badmouthing) - lots of “big man talk” with no results - substance abuse - anger management issues - being a pushover

missguidedme · 2018-11-20T20:41:09+00:00

I like a blog by Mila Levchuk on Instagram, she writes about men, relationships and such. She also wrote a book called Woman Plus but it is in Russian, however, she has an english accout @milalevchuk_eng that I think you can check out, she has very interesting articles on this subject.

sphb2017 · 2018-11-20T11:00:45+00:00

Why is it a red flag to be friends with mostly women?

Stilllearnin2 · 2018-11-20T16:12:37+00:00

Personally, I recommend a 5 flags rule. Other people aren't robots, so you have to decide what's truly important and what isn't. My five flags (for a woman, your results may vary) were:

High N Count
History of dishonesty
High debt with low earnings
Low religious involvement / participation
Bad with kids / friends / service employees

If I saw any of those 5, I ran screaming for the hills. A lot of them tied into one another - the girls I dated with very soft religious affiliations also tended to have high N counts and a greater chance of being dishonest. I stuck to these 5, because I knew that they would all cause incredibly big compatibility problems down the road. Anything else, I was willing to just write off as "nobody's perfect".

If it helps any, here's a link to the subreddit-official list:

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4yrobj/vetting_a_man_part_3_alpha_and_beta_traits/

JSC077 · 2018-11-21T02:40:54+00:00

Thanks all for recommendations. I checked out the Settling for Mr. Good Enough ebook from my library mobile app. So far, the women in the first half of the book (that's as far as I've gotten) are really off base in what constitutes a "no" for a man. I can't really relate to women that reject a guy they are attracted to and have been in a LTR with because "he doesn't buy me flowers". That's just plain stupid.

The thing that trips me up is chemistry though. I like to find a man attractive up front, then vet him from there. I have a really hard time going in the reverse direction to see if attraction can develop. I have tried this with a few guys that were actually good, responsible men and I couldn't manufacture even a bit of a spark and I was sadly repulsed by the idea of even kissing them.

The most of attractive ones I've talked to, (barring one) have had some major issues that surface early on (PUA tactics, Multiple Marriages, Bankruptcy, etc.). Aside from the PUA stuff (Bull Alphas go right in the "no" bucket), I will see if the guy has learned from past mistakes and is working on getting himself aright. Some of the minor flags (beta behavior like being overly nervous or timid, approval seeking, over complimenting/gushing within the first few conversations) that crop up I will try to over look, but I am just not as tolerant as I used to be with this stuff and it's a major turn off.

I guess I'm just worried I'll make another mistake like I did with my first so I am probably over analyzing some. My radar is pretty good, but it's in hyper-aware mode and I'm trying to tone it down some by having a solid list of behaviors that could mushroom into something worse over time.

Title	Red Flags in men
Author	JSC077
Upvotes	36
Comments	29
Date	November 20, 2018 5:00 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/9yowkt/red_flags_in_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/red-flags-in-men.67861 https://theredarchive.com/post/67861

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