Reflections being in nun mode...

indivisibleremainder · 2018-02-09T21:35:57+00:00

something I hear within my age bracket is how guys want a 'bad bitch'

take this with a grain of salt. people don't know what they want. they deceive themselves and others, both deliberately and unknowingly.

the statement "i want a bad bitch" is more like a projected fantasy of wanting to be the kind of guy that gets bad bitches. this fantasy image comes from music videos, social media, etc.

you certainly could mold yourself to fit this fantasy, and you would definitely have success with it sexually. but since you're here then you know how that's not a viable long-term strategy.

in your journey of self-improvement, try not to fall into the trap of the immature male's fantasy.

asdasda5453 · 2018-02-11T04:50:46+00:00

Most dudes I know want a quiet girl who doesn't drink and doesnt bitch to them, doesnt even have to be hot just someone who doesn't fuck around, has sex with them and can cook.

bad bitches = degenerates.

Shaela90 · 2018-02-09T19:25:15+00:00

You won't overcome your feelings and magically become a captivating presence by staying at home.

Go out, meet people, practice your conversational skills. Find women you admire and emulate them.

Engage in hobbies and interests, so you have things to share and discuss with people.

Exercise so you feel and look good.

Lacy_Drays · 2018-02-12T09:33:13+00:00

Being constantly told that I'm ugly (by both men and women), being treated with little to no respect has done a number on my overall self-image.

One thing that might help you here is to specifically recall and count down the times and the people that have said this to you, and the people that have treated you disrespectfully.

You will probably find that, in fact, you're not "constantly" being called ugly and treated with little to no respect.

First thing I want to say - people who make such comments - calling someone else ugly - are rude and disrespectful. The fact that they treat you disrespectfully and call you names isn't because (as you might suspect) you'd done or said something - it is because these people ARE disrespectful and have no regard for kindness and humanity.

You should put no weight on such commentary - they most likely are very cynical and unhappy people and in no position to give you comments like this or "put you into place". Because people who are awake, contend, positive and mindful are the ones who are the better judges, and they would NEVER make such comments. Good people, whom we ought to look up to and take seriously, treat with respect even their worst enemies.

Being surrounded with salty people can really even make us crazy if we believe what they say and think they are speaking the truth. I've been there, I know.

As for confidence, femininity, charisma - but also kindness, compassion, understanding (good values of femininity, suppose) - these come with time, bit by bit. Start by improving the simplest things about yourself, so every next day you can take on more difficult challenges - at least that's how I planned myself :)

vanBeethovenLudwig · 2018-02-09T13:17:24+00:00

At 23, you're still very immature (I don't mean this as an insult but most 23yo have no sense of what the real world is like). I look back on when I was 23 and I really understood nothing, and I was awkward as hell.

You have time to grow and invest in yourself. Men your age also are having their fun - which translates to wanting a "bad bitch." This gets old after a while, depending on the man. Just know that everyone is in a different life phase at your age. Some people get married at 23, some people are unemployed, some people are starting a real world job, some people are traveling the world. Best thing you can do is concentrate on yourself as you're doing.

PetuniaBunghole · 2018-02-15T06:00:13+00:00

Syllabus/Rambling Observations For Encouragement:

"Phenomenal Woman" the poem by Maya Angelou. Print it out, keep it near your bed, read every night, maybe memorize it. Femininity has a power that has nothing to do with being the bad bitch.

"French Women Don't Sleep Alone." Some very good specific suggestions about cultivating subtle sexiness, and your own happiness. When you feel happy, it can come across as confidence and warmth which many find sexy even when you're not trying. Also a refreshing perspective from a culture where men and women do not seem to be so much at war with each other.

"Glorify Yourself," an out-of-print book from the 1950's you might find at a library or used book store. Skip the silly face exercises and anything that sounds too weird, but some of the suggestions about poise, fashion, make-up/skincare, and projecting charm are timeless. It suggests very specific ways of carrying yourself you'd never think of - who knew I look like I lack confidence because I bob my head around too much in regular conversation? It will also make you laugh with some of it's outdated notions.

"The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck." Helps with the worry of what other people think and being more intentional with what you put your time and energy towards. Mainly it advises embracing problems and suffering because self-improvement means trading the problems you have right now (like insecurity) for better problems (like two guys are fighting over you) which occur when you improve yourself.

The college environment can be soul-killing some days, with the way guys are at your age. It doesn't mean they are all ____ (bad? Dumb? Cursed with awful taste in women?), it's just a sex smorgasbord for many of them and far from time to commit. Many of them don't know what they want yet and are waiting for other parts of their life to become clear before they look for a serious relationship. It's in their best interest to praise the bad bitches (bad bitches put out) and make you feel inadequate because if you think you have low value, you'll be easier for them to flatter and possibly get into bed. You might have better luck, and be more valued, if you meet some older, more established men who already know what shape their lives are taking (and have suffered the baggage of the bad bitches long after the novelty wore off).

Not every man wants bubbly and adventurous. I had the same insecurities, worrying I was too serious, well-behaved and quiet. It just wasn't in me to pretend I was like them. But I learned that you don't have to be like them to be fun - being fun can be as simple as enjoying where you are and what you are doing...and who you are with. I ended up with a wonderful man who partly chose me because he likes a quieter more serious woman who hasn't left a coast-to-coast trail of worn-out lovers. Like-minded people are out there; you never know where you'll find them...but college hook-up culture is rather an unlikely source. Unlikely has its odds, though - Tinder marriages are a thing - what it takes can be that specific right person, and his qualities.

You probably aren't ugly as you think, or maybe not at all. But don't worry even if you are what shallow people call ugly - take care of yourself, do the best with what you have, and dwell less on the things stupid people have said to you. Being satisfied with life shines out its own beauty, whatever your features. Have you ever worked at a daycare? Really, really ugly people show up with devoted partners to pick up their kids every day, all the confidence in the world! Worrying if you are ugly is not useful, once you're already taking care of yourself and putting forth your best presentation. Men who don't like your appearance don't have to go out with you; men who do like it won't care about anyone else's opinion.

tl;dr: Collection of writings and observations that helped me build confidence. I felt very similar to OP at her age; now the insecurities are gone.

markdumte · 2018-02-09T22:15:03+00:00

Young men don't know what they want or what is good for them, specially in this feminist era. Don't forget that women mature earlier than men. A 22 yo man is a child, not so much a 22 yo woman.

A lot of early 20's men dream with a crazy super cool "adventurous in your face" woman, just to discover it is not at all how they imagined once they date her. Then we start to reflect and realize the more level headed women might be onto something.

My point is I am sure there are a lot of things you as a woman need to improve, but at the same time don't give the opinion of early twenties guys too much weight, because we are a bit lost at that age.

Lastly, let me ask you a question, do you go to the gym? You can improve your personality a lot, but in women there is no substitute for a good body.

Title	Reflections being in nun mode...
Author	purpleand20
Upvotes	17
Comments	17
Date	February 9, 2018 7:04 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7wbrv3/reflections_being_in_nun_mode/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/reflections-being-in-nun-mode.74228 https://theredarchive.com/post/74228

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