Relationship Prioritization

Ok_Obligation_6110 · 2024-01-02T20:35:56+00:00

When my husband and I married we moved out of the city and I got pregnant quickly after so I would say that it was the physical distance plus distance that comes from being in two totally different places in life that made some relationships more distance.

My friends are definitely understanding and expect that family would be prioritized over them, just like any adult who knows that family life comes with responsibilities that single life just simply doesn’t. The issue I find comes with people who simply don’t ’get it’.

A dear friend of mine tried to make a last minute plan to go out and pick up food when visiting me with with my 5 month old, and after struggling to fit the car seat in her car, leaving home only to turn back for a forgotten binky, and then getting there only to find the bathrooms didn’t have a diaper changing station right as little guy pooped and having to change him in the trunk of the car made her realize how much effort it takes me to get out of the house for 5 minutes. She said she now never takes it personally when her friends with kids cancel last minute.

Ok_Outside149 · 2024-01-02T22:38:32+00:00

Single, seeing it from the other side. I definitely expect to be relegated to lower priority once husband and children come along and I’m fine with that. I also try and offer up kid-friendly activities so I can see them more. Easier to join them at the park than coordinate a bottomless brunch ha.

However I also see where those women are coming from. The woman who drops off the face of the earth when she’s got a partner then comes running back when they break up is not a rare phenomenon. I will make double the effort for a friend with children who tries and meets me halfway but I won’t bother with somebody who only sees me as a sounding board for their relationship problems and can never fit me in their schedule

Cosima_Fan_Tutte · 2024-01-02T22:34:00+00:00

Some 15 years ago, I met a woman who became a friend. When we were both single we got together on a regular basis.

Then I started dating my husband and quickly got engaged and married while she was out there dating. I avoided talking about my husband much because I knew she was struggling to find someone (she had hired matchmakers) and I felt bad, like I was privileged in a way that she wasn't.

Eventually she met a guy and also quickly got married. Great! Then I had kids and between breastfeeding, work, and usual family stuff it was hard to get together. Plus, I felt like I was boring her by talking about baby stuff. Then she had babies! Awesome, we were in the same place in life! But between both of us being busy with young kids and working, we barely saw each other, and when we did, she brought her husband and kids, so I brought mine. We'd usually get like 10 minutes to chat.

Now, only 10 years later, all of our kids are old enough to play together without much supervision! Last time I saw her we talked for a whole hour uninterrupted! Wow, we can have a friendship again, it only took about 13 years!

Adult friendships after marriage and kids naturally fall to the wayside, it's unfortunate, but most people prioritize family. Plus, friendships are awkward when you and your friends are in different places in life. Friendship is rooted in proximity, physical and emotional, going through the same stuff together, being together in the same space. I suspect once people hit middle age and get past prime dating/mating years, they once again start prioritizing friendships.

StunningSort3082 · 2024-01-02T21:21:16+00:00

A lot of that stems from that one friend everyone had in HS. She’d find a new BF, get all obsessed and spend all her time with him and his friends, and then coming running back to her “old” friends when they broke up. She be back to normal for a couple weeks and the whole cycle would repeat itself. Honestly it was kinda sad to watch.

My husband and family are important to me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t go out with friends a couple nights a month. My husband can easily handle the kiddos while I have dinner with a friend, so why would I feel guilty about that?

I think it is incredibly important to maintain your sense of self and own identity, especially after becoming a wife and a mother. Just ask all the divorced women in their 50’s who couldn’t get out of “mom mode” once the kids were gone, and their husbands left them for younger, more fun women.

Altruistic-Bake7011 · 2024-01-03T02:04:08+00:00

I moved in with my husband just last year, and what I find is that yes, of course it's about prioritizing the family unit.

...But also: I'm one of many introverts. I mean, I love spending time with my friends, I need it.

But now that I live with someone and we share a household... I don't have nearly the same capacity for being social as I had when I lived alone in my apartment. If I spent as much time outside my home or "actively" socialized with people as I did then, I'd be exhausted.

I've told some of my friends, and they understand, even though I say no a little more often now.

RedPillDad · 2024-01-03T04:29:27+00:00

Priorities can dramatically shift when a child is born. Many of the things that seemed so important become trivial in comparison to the needs of your child. Posh style gives way to practicality.

When my brother's wife became pregnant for the first time, I mentioned they'll probably be selling their Porsche soon and buying a minivan. She became aggravated and was adamant they would NEVER sell that Porsche and wouldn't be caught dead in a minivan.

Within a year they sold it and bought the minivan.

keeperofporgs · 2024-01-05T01:31:21+00:00

Hi! New to the RP as a sadly, new single woman. :(

All of my friends are in relationships, and one of my best friends got married two years ago, and recently welcomed her first baby in September.

Honestly? I've doubled down hard on my friendship with her. Especially when she was pregnant! I'm 27, and I have been a nanny for 8 years, so Monday through Friday I'm always with kids. I was SO excited when she got pregnant because she was the first of my friends to be having a baby. Since she had her baby, I pick her up from daycare every other Friday, and I hangout with her, and her family usually once a week or every other week. I'm perfectly content to just be spending time together at their home drinking coffee.

I love her dearly, and I want what she has for myself. Being around her makes me feel like I will be able to obtain that sometime hopefully soon, and she is the only person in my life currently that understands to a T the shifting mindset.

murder_herder · 2024-01-07T14:40:45+00:00

I was the single girl who lost my best friend 😂 we were about 25 and we’d grown up together, she was my very best friend. We’d been planning on moving in together. She’d not long broken up with her long term boyfriend (I’m pretty sure they had been engaged but it’s been years and I don’t remember). She was telling me about a guy who was pursuing her but he was quite a bit older and she wasn’t attracted to him.

She dropped off and I didn’t hear from her for a few weeks, next thing I knew she was pregnant - but the guy she wasn’t into. She sort of picked up contact and I went to see her when her baby was a few months old, I bought him a little gift and played and chatted with him. I wanted to ask questions but she was a fairly new mum and I didn’t think it was fair to push her, I told her I didn’t mind that she had a baby and I still wanted to hang out with her. She completely cut off all contact after then, I think she may have messaged me once to say she still cared but she was busy. She surrounded herself with other mums and had no interest. She had another baby and she’s still with the dad though they never married so there must’ve been something there.

It’s been a few years and I have a really serious partner now. I feel like in part I understand her decision, I was still really immature and we grew up very different. She had a really close family, her parents stayed together and ran their own buisness, she lived in her family home until she had a serious partner and she’s still really involved with her family. My parents divorced when I was a preteen and there was always a lot of emotional turmoil in my life, always really unsettled and took a long time to sort myself out. I understand why she just wanted to focus on her family but I was really hurt at the time that she just shut me out.

AutoModerator · 2024-01-02T20:24:51+00:00

Title: Relationship Prioritization

Author robikn22

Full text: There have been recent posts on other subs that I’ve seen from women who are upset that their married friends don’t prioritize their friendship once married. A recent post actually said that she was “sick of married women always prioritizing their husbands over their friends.”

I feel for those women and can understand that loosing a friend, no matter the reason, can be a painful experience. But, I’m also completely on the other side. When I got married, my husband became (and remains) my #1 priority. My family is my #1 priority and there is no one that comes before them.

Because of this my circle of friends shrunk considerably.

And frankly, I’m secure in that. The circle I have today as a married woman is small, but mighty. And I count that as a win.

But, I wanted to hear your thoughts and the RP perspective on this.

If you’re married, how did your friendships and priorities change after marriage? How did you feel about that? Do you have any regrets?

If you’re single, but experienced this from the other side, how did it make you feel to see those friendships change/fade? Did you blame the woman or her marriage for those changes?

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gtasub91 · 2024-01-10T01:08:28+00:00

Friendship requires some maintenance. How much is appropriate is completely subjective. But yes, total withdrawal and distance will lose friends. Would need more details to know what is reasonable in any given situation.

Title	Relationship Prioritization
Author	robikn22
Upvotes	26
Comments	31
Date	January 2, 2024 8:24 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/18wzazi/relationship_prioritization/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/relationship-prioritization.1242125 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242125

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