Setting boundaries

Freja_Walther · 2020-12-28T17:25:13+00:00

I hate and love this sentence. It's wise but gets misused too often.

Don't do wife duties for girlfriend prices.

There is a vast difference between doing something out of kindness and love for your partner, and your partner expecting your kind "duties". It can be hard, especially if you have traditional values because you don't want it to reflect your engagement in your future relationship.

If I was you, I would clean the clothing, wait till you are feeling not as hurt. When delivering it, you take up the conversation. It's hard getting upset and mad, at a person there who just did your laundry. Try to keep your conversation to "It makes me feel" instead of "you do this that I don't like", which generally don't sound as hostile.

azemilyann26 · 2020-12-28T22:40:21+00:00

My mom always said, "Don't do anything for a man you don't plan to do for the rest of your life." That really helped me set some healthy boundaries before marriage. Pick a friend up from the airport once a year, sure! Make you dinner on your birthday, absolutely! Do your laundry for you every week? Nope. That's a job for mommies and wives.

TranslatedSky · 2020-12-28T20:05:25+00:00

In addition to the comments, expressing boundaries and saying no is something that comes with practice. If you struggle with it, take every opportunity you can find in your life to be comfortable with expressing your needs and rejecting people so you will not freeze up when the time comes. I used to be a doormat so I know first hand.

That you would be unable to express a simple boundary to your long term boyfriend though makes me question the power dynamic, if you’re tiptoeing around him and being a doormat.

I would not even do that for a husband who hands me those bags silently as though I were his maid. Please don’t misunderstand when to use vulnerable/feminine expression to communicate and when to put your foot down. Part of RPW is knowing your boundaries well and it is perfectly fine and feminine to know when to express them. You may also want to think through how you want to be treated in a relationship and cross check.

Emervila · 2020-12-28T17:12:32+00:00

from my view he is taking far more and I feel I'm being taken for granted.

I had a question and you answered here. Does he have husband duties? looks like not.

This depends on what you want for your LTR, you have to talk to him to balance the equation so you either leave wife duties or he starts husbands duties.

Miss_Drew · 2020-12-28T17:12:02+00:00

You need to grow a backbone and stand up for yourself to set boundaries. Politely tell him that you're not interested in doing his laundry if he isn't going to show gratitude for all you do.

terragutti · 2020-12-29T05:53:50+00:00

[removed]

ftc1234 · 2020-12-28T16:57:15+00:00

Always get down or up to the level of a person that you are dealing with. If they are big hearted and open minded then be that with them. If they see you as weak and trick you into doing stuff then be that low level thinker with them. When you do that, eventually, people settle down to treating you the way you want to be treated.

IMO you should return the laundry bag to him with the words "if and when I'm the wife".

Jiatingzhufu · 2020-12-28T21:28:44+00:00

A few people have mentioned it in the comments, but I’ll just say it again for emphasis.

Don’t do wife duties for a man who is not your husband.

What does he do to deserve this treatment, and where is he giving equally? If he is not, take some time to sit down together to discuss the sharing of responsibility. It may feel unfeminine to simply say ‘I can’t do this anymore, you need to either change expectations or do more’ but it’ll be worth it in the long run

LateralThinker13 · 2020-12-28T18:14:29+00:00

TOTALLY give them back without saying anything. When he asks why, say, "You didn't say anything to me. You just expected me to take them and clean them, no please, no thank you, not even the courtesy of saying anything. So I am returning the favor. You are taking me for granted, and I do not appreciate it nor accept it. Do better."

jayda92 · 2020-12-28T19:39:10+00:00

SLOWLY stop doing things, and pull back a bit. That should make him work. If it doesn't, that's your answer right there.

ATrueLady · 2020-12-29T01:16:02+00:00

Does he hold up his end of the bargain? Does he do things like fix your appliances, move heavy objects, manly stuff? Or are you the only one holding up your end of the bargain?

If you are the only one who is holding up your end of the bargain you need to say so and give examples of things he should be doing if he wants the current arrangement with you to continue.

Men usually do what you tell them when they know you’re serious about you and are afraid of losing you or a part of you they value. They’re very straightforward and frankly this is probably not the nicest thing to say and might get a bunch of folks on here all over my butt but they’re easy to manipulate.

If he acts like a baby about it then I think you should let him know the wife duties are over and if he doesn’t start acting like a man your relationship will be soon too, because that’s obviously what you want and he’s not giving it to you. He will either mature or you leave him.

GreatRedYonder · 2021-01-02T18:39:19+00:00

What the hell did I just read? Are you a free maid?

Dump this man, he doesn't not care about you at all, he probably laughed all the way home after giving you that laundry.

Title	Setting boundaries
Author	Advanced_Bar_673
Upvotes	63
Comments	25
Date	December 28, 2020 4:46 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/kltx3a/setting_boundaries/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/setting-boundaries.340828 https://theredarchive.com/post/340828

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