I’m relatively new to RPW, but have held similar ideals for a while.

I (25F) am in the process of ending a relationship with my boyfriend (46M). I want to be clear that the reasons we are not working out are not due to the situation I’m about to explain.

There is a coworker of mine (26M) that has recently been giving me vibes that he’s interested, and I’m incredibly conflicted and concerned. All my coworker and I have done is talk about life and share memes. Occasionally we get lunch or coffee together, but there are a group of us who are all friends at work, so it’s not like I’m spending inordinate amounts of time alone outside of the office with this man. I have made it extremely clear that I am in a relationship, and he had met my boyfriend at another coworker’s party.

However, he still makes comments or does things that make me a bit uncomfortable. Partly because I’ve realized that I kind of like them, and also because he knows I’m in a relationship but does them anyway. Examples: I say I like XYZ thing, and he says he’ll remember that. Or we’re talking about different types of cuisine and he says “there’s a couple (cuisine I haven’t tried) restaurants I’d like to show you” - ostensibly with regards to a platonic lunch, but how can I be sure? He also always compliments my cooking/baking whenever I bring some into the office, and asks me to bring some in if I ever mention I’m baking something ahead of time. If I’m busy and can’t make it out for the group coffee run, he usually picks me up something, and drops by my office generally at least once a day to chat. All little things, nothing I can say is specifically crossing a line, but they add up.

The worst part is, I would definitely consider him a prospect for a long term relationship if I were single, but I am try not to have those thoughts now. I feel like a horrible person for even having that thought, because I feel like it’s incredibly disrespectful to my boyfriend. However, I am also torn because I don’t want to end a friendship for a relationship that’s ending soon.

My coworker has a lot of traits I’d look for in a husband. Smart, driven, funny, and through our chats about life (and he’s very staunch about his beliefs) I know he wants to build marriage/family as a partnership, wants to be a provider to his family, and is committed to his goals. We get along like a house on fire.

However, he also has beliefs/behaviours that I am concerned about, like getting his political news from dubious sources, or believing that letting your kids believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc. is tantamount to lying to your children and it will harm their development and the parent/child relationship once they grow up to have trust issues because they’re not real (??). Also, the fact that he likes to tell me all about the attractive women that are interested in him, or him going out with his friends to find girls, and things like that. I also do not want to date someone I work with (though we’re in different departments).

Idk, I guess I just get a weird vibe from the whole situation, and I carry a lot of guilt over the fact that this is happening while I’m in a relationship with a wonderful, albeit incompatible, man.

Am I a horrible person? Is it possible to have a friendship with someone who’s interested in me, if I’m somewhat interested but not sure if our values align? Is this someone I should run away from, or should I give it a chance once I’m single?

I’m feeling very lost and would appreciate this community’s advice, however harsh. Thank you.