I’m 21 and spent a lot of time completely in love with a guy who was very independent and skeptical of society’s expectations of men, which has helped me IMMENSELY to see the dimensions of respect that we, as humans, deserve, and about how to show that respect to men as a woman. He also helped me see that as a woman I have A LOT of power that I need to be responsible with, and that a lot of abuses of men by women come out of a delusion that we have no power and our actions don’t have consequences, even though they clearly do.

What I realized recently was that women often have one man who seems like the “best man” for them, the most “compatible”, or something, who they keep in the back of their mind as the person they are most capable of loving. What is obvious is that this man is probably the same man for every woman he’s ever met, because he was lucky enough to be the smartest, most attractive, most energetic, capable, etc. in his social groups. What’s critical about this is that his attractiveness has nothing to do with the woman, yet women often think that this man is “meant for them”, as if their dominance isn’t felt universally. Even if there is evidence that every other woman feels this way, it becomes a competition over who holds him closest to their heart or who thinks he is the most “special”... you get where I’m going with this? Women will believe that a dominant man is somehow “compatible” with them or that their relationship will work, when actually, the only thing at play is one-way attraction. I don’t think I see this delusion as often in men, who usually seem to understand that if a woman is unbelievably attractive to him, there’s a good chance she’s out of his league. He’s competing alongside everyone else, so it’s not an issue of being “special” or “compatible”. What do you guys think?