Temporary SAHW looking for advice

poorsay · 2016-01-04T03:01:24+00:00

I agree with /u/I_Love_Donuts412, you might do well to start by focusing on building your social circle and finding hobbies or volunteer work. Not just because getting yourself out of the house from time to time is so important when you aren't working, but also because this situation is temporary.

Let's say you dive headfirst into housewifing, and you've started taking on the cleaning, the cooking, and all that goes with it. Then you start working. Suddenly, you're no longer happy with being stuck with all of the chores and tasks you've been handling for the past few months, so you start handing some of your tasks off to your husband. And your husband, having gotten a taste of this sweet new set up, might feel a bit irked that he now has to return to doing chores and running errands on his days off.

Now I don't know you or your husband, and I don't know how you divvied up chores previously, so my advice is honestly just based on speculation. But in regards to chores, it might be better in the long run if you guys carry on with whatever routine you expect to follow once you start working again. Just something to consider.

That's not to say you can't use this time to serve your husband a little bit better, though! Here's some ideas on what you can do to use this time effectively:

Try waking up before him.

Get dressed for the day, get the coffee brewing, get some bacon on the stove, and give him a great start to the day. If you're not an early bird, it's okay because you can get back in bed and finish your beauty sleep once he's left. ;P

Regardless of whether or not you plan to go anywhere, get dressed every single day.

If you wear makeup normally, continue to put some on everyday when you get ready. It's difficult for people to understand why this is so important until they've actually experienced staying home.

It's tempting to just stay in your PJs since you aren't going anywhere -- I enjoyed the luxury of not needing to get ready for the first week I stayed home. But then that week turned into a month, and I cringe thinking about the number of times my husband came home to see I hadn't even bothered to brush my hair.

Additionally, starting off your morning by excusing some laziness will only invite even more laziness into the rest of your day. "Why bother getting dressed if I'm not going out?" can easily turn into "Why bother sweeping if it's just gonna get dirty again?"

While you have this free time, consider spring cleaning your place.

You guys just moved in, so I assume the place is already pretty clean, but I'd recommend that you spring clean anyway. Doing this will get you familiar with all of the hidden corners of the house/apartment that would probably get neglected during normal cleaning. You can take note of all these spots now and make it a point to clean them occasionally throughout the year.

Take this time to get your place crazy organized.

When everything has a home, and every item is housed in a sensible location, cleaning up in the future will be a breeze. When you're working, it's difficult to rationalize spending half an hour labeling bins and rearranging everything under the bathroom sink when there's a pile of dishes in the sink. But that half hour of work would pay off in the long run, when you don't find yourself pulling out every single item under the sink while hunting for a bottle of Lysol, which was actually in the hall closet this whole time.

Put together a household binder.

The purpose of a household binder is to be an easily accessible compendium of all the information anyone in the family needs regular access to. Not many families utilize a household binder, but I bet if they tried it out, they would never look back.

Some people turn to their household binder daily, designing it to also function as a daily planner by including calendar pages, or as a journal by including to-do lists and brainstorming pages. I use mine less frequently, and treat it more like an encyclopedia for my family, referring to it as needed.

Some categories you can include in your binder:

Finances (monthly budget, recurring bill payment schedule, bank account info, credit card info, debts, financial goals)
Contact Info (info for your mechanic, plumber, HVAC, doctor, dentist, veterinarian, insurance providers, local police station, local hospital, and a section for friends and family. I keep a baseball card sleeve in mine to hold business cards, like this.)
Travel (petsitter notes, babysitter notes, luggage packing checklist)
Home Maintenance (monthly & yearly cleaning checklists, seasonal maintenance checklist. This is for things that need to be done infrequently but are often forgotten about, like cleaning the gutters or replacing the hot water heater.)
Cars (vehicle info, maintenance log, insurance polices, warranties)
Food (weekly meal plan, a stash of grocery lists, pantry & fridge inventory, coupons, take-out menus. You could make this a separate binder if you want to include recipes.)
Medical (emergency contacts, basic medical info, prescription info)
Calendars (monthly calendar pages, school calendars, calendars for any recurring activities like sports or bowling league, etc.)
Brainstorming/Inspiration (blank pages for writing ideas down, magazine clippings, inspirational quotes, wishlists)
Holiday Planning (to-do lists, activities and events, recipes, gift lists, home decoration inventory)

Basically, I would use this time you have at home to prepare for when you return to work. Use this time to get everything ready, so that your lives will run as smoothly as possible once you're back to being busy.

proprioceptor · 2016-01-04T14:23:42+00:00

I was in this position last semester! We moved for my husband's job, and so I was temporarily unemployed also. I have an adjunct job now, but I learned a lot about myself during my time as a SAHW this fall.

I try to wake up with my husband and get his breakfast and lunch ready. That way when he leaves, he's got coffee in the thermos, and his lunch is packed. It helps his day start easier, and it has helped save us some money.
Make sure that you're still taking care of yourself intellectually. When I was taking a break I realized that I missed learning/teaching a lot, so I made sure to read a lot. I read a lot of nonfiction, and I felt like I was still broadening my horizons and doing what I could to stay sharp.
Do what you can to develop a routine. I'm sure that since you've moved, you're trying to settle in and get things sorted out. Use this time to become organized and get a system in place for laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc. so that it goes smoothly if/when you eventually go back to work.

Hope this helps!

mwbysw · 2016-01-04T00:48:23+00:00

I think it's important for you to build a life for yourself there. Yes, cooking, cleaning, etc., are all great to help him, and exploring together will be fantastic, but you don't want to begin to resent him at all because he's working and you aren't feeling fulfilled yourself.

Start volunteering, take up a new hobby, or look into MeetUps in your area. The best thing you can do for your SO is to continue to be your best you. They're also great ways to meet new people and network, which could lead to a new job as well!

Good luck in your new adventure!

sweetkisses29 · 2016-01-04T01:33:03+00:00

as an academic, what about exploring writing and research to stay fresh and engage your heart and mind?

my best advice is to set up a schedule for yourself, as well as ensure household and food are all taken care of so your husband can focus on his new job.

secondly, do take the time to take care of yourself. it is not often that we are able to take brief moments in our lives to truly care for ourselves, and it is imperative to do so. if we are not at our best, we cannot be the best wives, mothers, or professionals. perhaps re-evaluate what you need to be your best self and work this into your routine.

lastly, find a community. i engage in meet up with some girl friends - look for a pot-luck brunch club in your area. i am also involved in my church and volunteer weekly for the homeless. this keeps me connected on all levels, intellectual/spiritual/relational.

cats_or_get_out · 2016-01-04T01:39:53+00:00

We are in the same boat! I'm moving cross country next month and leaving my librarian job. I am planning on not working right away because I want to realign my priorities and spend more time with my family. I plan on seeking work, but it will be a while of unemployment. I love the structure of work, so I am starting to think of ways to bring that to my home.

I was a stay-at-home wife/mother about 10 years ago, and it was tough--although, to be fair, I had a newborn, and my husband was in Iraq. I was living in the middle of a desert duty station, so the whole experience was bizarre. I think I'll have more peace and calm in my life this go around.

Howlgram · 2016-01-06T05:25:03+00:00

What's a SAHW? i cant seem to find a glossary on this sub

Title	Temporary SAHW looking for advice
Author	mwbysw
Upvotes	20
Comments	21
Date	January 4, 2016 12:22 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3zcarm/temporary_sahw_looking_for_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/temporary-sahw-looking-for-advice.85885 https://theredarchive.com/post/85885

Comments