Weekly Self-Reflection Thread: 05/10/15

fhigurethisout · 2015-10-05T17:23:51+00:00

I'll start.

I feel like I have done a lot of judgement on other people's situations lately. The women around me, the relationship problems I see, my mother and sister's behaviour, etc.

I must realize that judging this behaviour can only be as helpful as to teach me what NOT to do. It is more useful to focus on what I have to do and where I need to improve, because there is a lot i need to improve on.

Disallowing my career and my partner to mingle: the career path I've chosen is strenuous (lol like most), competitive, and very demanding in terms of working hours. I usually whine to my partner (cringe) that I haven't done enough, haven't studied enough, and express my worries probably too frequently. He listens and supports me, but I feel like our time together could be spent more optimistically and that I'm directing it in a negative manner. Instead, I want to focus on things in an OPTIMISTIC way...i.e, "I'm so fortunate to live somewhere where I can pursue this career". I don't want to unleash minor career burdens onto my partner; he has his own stresses and when we spend time together, it should be lighthearted and fun :) I should LISTEN to him more and focus on how he is rather than how I'm feeling.
Victim / special snowflake mentality. I'm afraid of this and hate admitting it, but I think I subconsciously suffer from it. There are a few contributing factors:
- Industry I work in is small, quite self-directed, and people rarely get jobs as it is.
- Accepting red pill theory opens up your ears and eyes to everyone around you; you start looking down on a lot of people and their behaviours, when in reality, the theory should be used to improve oneself
- Saying yes to too many things. I take on too many jobs, too many social commitments, and try to please too many people at once. I then fall victim to the "I'm so busy and overwhelmed" mentality, which I created for MYSELF...I can simply say no.
Not guarding my tongue and actions. There were a few times that I really disgusted myself in terms of behaviour around my partner. It especially irritates me because I wasn't aware of how annoying I was being until his disapproval (even though it should be obvious). One time I was rudely texting before opening the door to let him in, and another time I didn't respond properly to his question because I was doing something else.
Inconsistent sleeping patterns - I keep making excuses to stay up extra late when I misuse my time during the day.
Reactions to mom - when she starts pointing the finger to me, I get too defensive. There was a situation last night where she accused me of misplacing my grandmother's gift to me (she has it). This particularly irritates me because she always accuses me of losing stuff even when I haven't. I've lost the occasional item like most people (should still improve this tbh), but she always expects the absolutely worst of me in terms of responsibility. That aside, it does no good to banter or become defensive over it. Next time I need to smile and say that I have it.
MINDSET ...my mindset is far from feminine and graceful. It disappoints me. Sometimes I'm too jaded, too cynical, and too distrusting of people's intentions. I want to redirect my thoughts to loving ones...ones that focus on the good and the wonderful things in my life, because they are there. I need to become more GRATEFUL.

What is the point of focusing on the poisonous 'what-ifs' and uncertain thoughts?

I have ONE life...I can choose to live it in the best frame of mind, or the worst frame of mind.

I must apply this to my career, my health, and my attitude towards the people I love in my life.

freebumblebee · 2015-10-05T20:26:04+00:00

I was sick last week, so my boyfriend really stepped it up in the house department--cooking dinner, cleaning up, etc. And although I kept it to myself, I found myself thinking you're not doing that right. Like oh my god, what is wrong with me?? I have this amazing man who came home from a full day at work, went to the store, bought food, and then cooked me dinner and I'm thinking about the way he's chopping the onion?! I don't think he's folding towels right!? So while it was good I kept that all to myself, and I'll give myself half a pass because I was on a lot of pills and miserable, that type of thinking is not okay. I'm trying to be vigilant of those types of thoughts and to redirect them towards thoughts of gratitude (because seriously, he's amazing), but I feel horribly guilty about them which can make me hyper focus. Does anyone have any other suggestions?

Eucalyptus-mint · 2015-10-05T23:07:55+00:00

I am coming out of lurking because I needed this. It is exactly the kick in the butt I needed to recognise this horrid, entitled mindset I have had festering the past couple of weeks!

My period is acting extremely erratic this month and I have been using it as a crutch to not be the girlfriend my partner deserves. I have been feeding him and baking for him, but I have not been initiating anything sexually which is causing us to stagnate on intimate relations. He has been working so much between various jobs and farm work that he is stressing himself out, and when he is stressed out he does not initiate anything. This should be/will be rectified tonight when he returns from a friend's house.
Speaking of his friend's house - my SO went over there without informing me he was going let alone leaving. I hate to admit I was a bit angry about this because "he should tell me when he goes somewhere" (because I have apparently become his mother -.-). I am thankful I have come to the conclusion that he does not need to tell me anything before he got home and I was in a mood towards him.
I have been glued to my phone lately and ignoring him when we are spending time together. I have a big problem with this and I have attempted to stop it and do well for a few days only to relapse back into it. I am going to be deleting time wasting apps off my phone and consciously putting my phone across the room when we are together.
I definitely visibly pouted when my SO did not want to go get take out food last night. Instead of being understanding to the man who just worked sixteen hours at a job he does not particularly enjoy so we can save for a house, I acted like a spoiled brat.
I have not been putting more than the minimum effort into my mental and physical well being and it's toll is really starting to show in my relationships with my partner and other people.

There is definitely a few more things I am not proud of, but they all run along the same vein of me being an entitled brat. Right before this post I had a reality check with my partner leaving without a goodbye, and I definitely feel it is because of my attitude lately. This post definitely helped me realise my behaviour and I can hopefully write back next week with a better self evaluation. Thank you ladies for encouraging self reflection - it's absolutely refreshing compared to the finger pointing and blame game that is around me.

always_theoptimist · 2015-10-05T18:39:14+00:00

Physically: Last week I didn't go to the gym once. Managed to keep my weight down with eating choices, but that's still something I need to keep up on. As of Saturday, I've committed that I will work out every day for at least 30 minutes, which is entirely manageable (unless I have social engagements after work).

Emotionally: I've been seeing someone for a little over a month now. Last night we agreed to be bf/gf. He is an amazing person and I'm lucky that he wants to pursue a relationship with me. In the past, I've gone a bit off the deep end with obsessing over someone I'm dating. I've really been making efforts (and it's paid off) to let go of my anxieties. However, I feel a new wave of it coming now that we've taken this step. It's a constant struggle to improve and ignore those thoughts, and I will take it day by day.

SeasideJune · 2015-10-05T23:03:22+00:00

Love this idea!

This past week I realized an embarrassing tendency of mine where I frantically plan all the coming dates for myself and SO and leave none for him to plan. I rationalized this as "I want to show him so many thing we can enjoy," and we do enjoy them. But by not sharing date ideas I'm blocking him from so many opportunities to lead. I'm going to back off a little and give him some of the reins. There will be time for me to show him my favourite places, while allowing him to show me his.

I've been happy to see that exercising and grooming are becoming habit for me as I put in effort to do them (and do them better) every single day.

cats_or_get_out · 2015-10-05T17:31:51+00:00

This week I totally sucked in the exercise department. It is dumping buckets of rain outside, but that's no excuse. I found myself being more irritable than I would like. I think there is a direct correlation here. I really need to step up my game.

myfriendmarkus · 2015-10-06T12:46:44+00:00

I adore this idea, hopefully we can carry this on!

My reflection; I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself over the last few weeks and things have now started to slip. I'm starting to fall behind in my studies, work has become tedious and slow, and I've fallen with my workouts. I did not realise how much of an issue this has been until I got home from work today and learnt that my SO stayed up today to do the gardening. This seems like a small thing but as background, he has a high pressure, physical job, often works 3 to 5 hours overtime and gets little sleep as it is. Basically my man missing out on sleep is a big sacrifice as he doesn't get a chance to catch up on sleep for the rest of the week. None the less he chose to take it on so I had one less thing to run myself around for. I'm extremely greatful for this but I also feel horribly guilty that he felt he needed to do this for me.

To better news, about a month ago now we had an accidental proposal. Without going into details, we were in bed and my man says "one day I'm going to marry you". In my mind this was mainly a slip of high emotions, but I think it's still a good sign.

[deleted] · 2015-10-06T12:56:36+00:00

Love this idea! I also used to journal and I really miss certain aspects of it. I've made lots of progress in the last couple of weeks but I still have some work to do:

Good 1. Lost weight and really cut out junk food in the last couple of weeks! I've also been working out regularly! I'm not overweight but I'm a little heavier than I was a few years ago (I'm 28). If I keep going the way I am I should be back to my college weight in a couple of weeks! :)

Doing much better managing household work in a timely manner.
Found a few new ways to save money on household items.
I've been stocking the freezer/pantry in anticipation of winter.

BAD

I am still struggling to maintain friendships. I crave being social but have trouble reaching out for some reason. Then I get lonely, then I get needy, then I feel dissatisfied, etc. It's an irritating cycle but I'm working on it and on reminding myself that DH can't be my only social contact.
I work part-time from home but I'm not satisfied with my job any more. I have no idea what I want to do about it. So...yeah.

[deleted] · 2015-10-06T15:45:37+00:00

[permanently deleted]

windlabyrinth · 2015-10-07T05:29:15+00:00

Lately I feel like our relationship has been great but I can feel myself failing in maybe one of the most important aspects.

I'm failing at being myself. I feel uninspired, unmoved, and unmotivated. Since moving to this new area and just kind of change of lifestyle and surroundings I have no idea what to do with myself. All I do is go to work, come home. Eat, sleep, repeat. Surely I must be the most boring person in the world to know - let alone date.

My boyfriend is getting in to all this neat stuff and really finding himself and I just feel more lost. Not sure where to go from here. Having trouble finding a niche and it causes a viscous cycle of depression and apathy. I keep it to myself but I know I don't have any good stories to share or shit going on.

cccch_ · 2015-10-09T12:35:55+00:00

our treatment of loved ones : Positive, spent some time cuddling in bed with dad watching a cartoon movie he bought me for my birthday. Spent time with my youngest sibling at the beach and keeping mindful of being a positive Role model for her. She's a teen, very bright but is very susceptible to all the outside influences. Presents, drawings , poems and lots of love for my LDR partner. Few minor slip ups but have worked and reflected on them.

overall behaviour and poise : Mostly positive. I try and consciously chose to spend my days at work to impact customers lives for the better. Lots of thoughtfulness and kind gestures where I can. Random compliments, surprising them with a cake paid out of my pocket if it's their anniversary or birthday.

our reactions to various situations- Made a few slip ups in regards to behaviors my partner has mentioned in the past. he pointed them out when they happened, after pausing and observing the internal automatic defensive hamster and excuses I simply chose to listen and did a few self reflection journal entries and meditated on them. He was correct in his observations. I still have my days, but it's really great to be able To look at my actions in an objective way.

problems we face and how we plan to solve them- The only problems that come up for me right now are tied into past personal issues. Validation stuff, insecurities, irrational worries. They are mostly temporary though, the more you understand the machine you are in and how it's been formatted through your experiences and environment the easier it is to see things for what they are and slowly work on fixing and re programming it.

our internal thinking patterns and emotions- Self reflection journal works wonders for this! I break it down into - date, issue:, what (feeling), why (where it comes from, past experiences etc) , other factors, and resolution. For me putting it on paper gets it out of the scrambled mind thinking and categorizes into an organized and understandable list. One example is my partner spending time helping kids that have really bad families and upbringings. People that really need help. I have sometimes taken it personally and hamster self loathing brain tells me it's because im not as important. His explanation is that sometimes it's like being at an emergency room. Someone with a gunshot wound needs the medical attention before someone with a sprain. Patience is a big thing I've had to focus on lately in terms of self improvement.

the way we are viewing life and people around us; aka our 'lens- Mostly positive. Seeing things a lot more for what they are. As I've said before meditation really helps with this. The more you feel content within the less the external affects you. Lead by example, who cares what other people do. You can't control anyone but yourself.

Washiface · 2015-10-10T22:01:28+00:00

I am a very spoilt lucky girl at the moment getting everything I want. The chain I'm in to move house is moving TWO MONTHS faster than expected. Yet I am still totally impatient that I'm not already there! Me and my husband are also going to start planning for baby this month, but again, I am worrying about things going wrong before they've even started. I have also been quite resentful about my husband getting drunk and aggressive with me. His mother has died recently and he has been getting quite nasty with me at times, seemingly thinking of hurtful things to say to me. I made it clear that I would not be a verbal punching bag for him to take his anger out on. But it took me a little too long to move on from it. (I am over it now.)

So my plan for this week is to: 1. Be proactive on moving house. It's next month, so I need to be packing, cleaning and organising. Not looking around my tiny flat wishing it was bigger, that's totally pointless and unproductive. 2. Be more thankful about actually moving house. I've wanted it for 3 years and I don't think it's really sunk in yet. 3. Not think about having a baby until it's happening, or we are having actual problems conceiving. 4. Eat more nutritious foods and keep up with my vitamin supplements to prepare for pregnancy. Avoid all alcohol. 5. Make sure I am offering my husband support more regularly, he never tells me when he is upset just waits till it gets to boiling point. So I will ask him if he is feeling upset or would like to talk on a more regular basis.

Any other ideas?

Title	Weekly Self-Reflection Thread: 05/10/15
Author	fhigurethisout
Upvotes	17
Comments	28
Date	October 5, 2015 4:59 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3nlet0/weekly_selfreflection_thread_051015/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/weekly-self-reflection-thread-051015.85652 https://theredarchive.com/post/85652

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