Hey all, I've been a part of this community for a while now (mainly the TRP IRC chat), and I was giving advice in the IRC this morning, when I realized "shit man, I've really learned a lot since joining this community", so I decided I'd do a post, specifically for the younger (18-20) guys in the same demographic as me, and maybe I'll help someone out with their struggles.

Some background about me: I'm 19, I just finished Freshman year in the USA, I'm an extroverted white guy. I'm a light guy for my height, 6'3 and 177. I'm moderately attractive, so I probably get a little wiggle room for error there.

My story: December, Senior year, I had been in a relationship with a girl for about a year now, and it was starting to collapse in on itself. She was gorgeous, but she a college sophomore and was having problems with my "immaturity", and her respect for me and tolerance for my bullshit was wearing thin. I was censoring opinions, watching my language, constantly trying to keep her happy, and nothing I seemed to do could possibly work. We'd have weeks where we would break up, I'd come around, she'd forget how bad we were together, we'd get back together, and it'd be nice for a week or so, then we'd break up, seemingly every month.

Anyway, one lovely winder day, I got into a real bad accident, and ended up smashing more than a few bones, and I spent my hospital time reading TRP, and enjoying more than my fair share of morphene. But when I got out, I lost about 10 lbs of water weight in the hospital (136lbs when I got out of the hospital), and I felt absolutely horrified about this.

A month later I was cleared to go to the gym, and I became obsessive. I was working out, (inefficiently I might add because I had no idea what I was doing), but I put in 2 hours a day, 6 days a week, and I went from 136 to 151 in about 2 months.

Meanwhile, my relationship was seeminly doing better. Me almost dying in the car crash was like a RESET-BUTTON on our relationship. And I was determined to sustain the relationship better this time. I did a trp textbook approach to the relationship, treating it like calc homework for christ sake. It was incredibly mechanical, "I wait 3 hours to reply, to make her think I'm doing something valuable with my life", and that's the least rediculous of my relationship equations...

A couple months go by, I skype with GLO, and he puts me on 5x5 Stronglifts, 12 weeks go by, I end up going up to 162 by the end of Senior year. My relationship falls apart right as I graduate, and that's done for good, and I end up with the Summer alone, looking forward to my Freshman year and all the pussy I'm going to get (hah).

That summer, I lift every day. I'm doing PHAT, and I end up hitting 168 by the time I go to college. My weight has always been the thing I've been self-conscious about. I was small my entire life, and now I was just starting to take control of that.

I read books. Pook. Neil Strauss, 48 Laws, all that good shit.

Being a tall guy who rowed in high school, I joined the Crew Team at my University. "Do a sport, get social proof". I gotta tell you, when it comes to social proof things like that, it gets you in the door, but if your personallity and frame is ass, the bouncer's gonna throw you out.

Coming to college, I was uncalibrated as hell. Everything I knew about women I either acquired from my single relationship or from reading about it on the internet. I was an armchair philosopher, who'd never actually done anything.

Long story short, I ended up pissing a lot of people off, being too aggressive, being an asshole. "Be assertive" doesn't mean caring about every little thing. I laid 6 different girls from September to December, and I probably could have fucked about 3 times that amount, but I failed spectacularly in about a hundred different ways.

(First one was placing the ultimatum "sex on the first date or I wont call you" <--- that hasn't ever worked for me)

But there were some successes. Every weekend at the Crew House, everybody knew my name, and I'm really awesome at Crew (top 3 on my team), so everyone knew who I was, all the girls liked me, and it's so easy to game girls at parties when they're coming up to you and you don't even need to approach them.

I ended up getting a beautiful burnout hippy girlfriend who I did/sold drugs with for a little while. This was my attempt to be a badass dark triad type person. The relationship went very well at first, but then it crashed and burned. Initially She was infatuated with me, but the relationship only lasted 2 months because I devalued myself with my availability. By this, I mean I was always around, always trying to help her out, always being, well, self sacrificing. And the initial appeal of being a hot white guy got old...My beta faggotry honestly.

I quit Crew after the first semester for a couple reasons. The big one is I couldn't seem to gain weight when I rowed. I was doing 2+ hours of Cardio a day and my weight dropped to 166 by the time winter break came around. And gaining weight is unreasonably important to me, honestly I feel disgusted at 175 right now. It's never enough.

So i gave that up, and I was getting better at talking to girls, through lots and lots of error, and I started to get to the point where I could go up to them, start a conversation about anything, and then get their phone number. Call them up a couple days later, go on a date, go on another date, sleep with them, and add another number to my belt.

I've probably approached 1000+ girls at this school, and I've slept with about .2% of those approaches. Failure after failure after failure. Its logerithmic by the way...lots more failures in the beginning than now.

But all that failure, all the fucking dumb things I've done (and trust me there's a lot), all the eccentric date ideas I've come up with, the drug dealing, the minor sports stardom, and the occassional successes - all this shit has left me with some stories to tell, and what I believe to be some worthwhile advice to give out to new guys either just taking the pill, or maybe a refresher for the more experienced guys, anyway, here's some of what I've learned.

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LESSONS LEARNED

1. Most People Don't Consciously notice things until you point them out If you've got small arms, but you dress well and you've got a great smile and they like talking to you, they're gonna say to themselves "i like this guy", not "he's alright, but he's got small arms and that's a dealbreaker". People don't notice your flaws unless you make them explicit. So shut up about your insecurities.

2. Most things aren't that big of a deal as you think they are I'm not saying lie to yourself. I'm not saying you have a magic bubble around you that makes you invincible. I'm saying that if a girl gets mad at you, it doesn't necessarily mean you did something wrong, and her emotions are going to fade and normalize and she'll get over it. In a day or two, everything will be back to normal. So don't worry about your fuckups too much.

3. Relax, and stop trying so hard You don't need to 'be alpha' all the time to get laid. You need to have a code, yes. You need to have boundaries, yes. But if everything's a power struggle and you can't enjoy your relationships, you're doing something wrong. Girls will like you so much more if you can genuinely have fun and kick back when you're with them.

4. DON'T talk about your shit Not TRP, not your relationships with other girls, not how hard you work, not how much you workout - they don't fucking care unless it directly profits them. Besides, it comes off as disingenuous. Anyone with big muscles shouldn't have to tell you how much they lift. Major turnoff.

5. Have interests If someone asks you what your hobbies are, and you can't think of anything you like to do, you're doing it wrong. The gym does not count as a hobby, no more than going to class should. Why? Because it's something expected of you (here), and talking about it comes off as tryhard (in real life). Me? I like to code, I like to rock climb, and I like hiking.

6. Immerse yourself entirely in the now when you're talking to girls fuck like it's your last ever fuck. don't be on your phone when you're talking to her. If you're not talking about something interesting, find something interesting. But pay attention to what she says, give her 100%. There's no compliment more valuable or subtle than your full attention. And if you don't? People pick up on it, and it's a major turnoff.

7. Make your dates adventures Give women a 3 hour experience they'll remember 3 years down the line. Not entirely legal or safe, but the last date I went on, we broke into an abandoned construction site and climbed to the very top to stargaze, smoke, and have sex. I gaurentee you that girl will remember that adventure for a long time. Why? Because regular people DONT adventure. They're lazy. They go to 60$ sushi, and then home to Netflix n Chill. It's mundane, it's forgettable, and honestly, it's regrettable. You can do better.

8. You don't have to be mean to anyone to be dominant You can have your code, you can be who you want to be, you can do everything you set out to with proper manners, a good smile, and a respectful demeanor. And when you fuck up, you'll have a far greater safety net than if you're a prick to everyone in your life. Trust me, be nice, be polite.

9. Don't bring your outside problems into the relationship interactions I don't care if you failed your test and are considering dropping out of college. That's neither here, nor there when it comes to your relationship. Just because you don't have mastery over one area of your life doesn't mean you have the right to let it spoil the other areas. Women don't want to hear your problems. Women want to come to you for a vacation from their problems. They want to have a good time, and if you're mopey about something unrelated to them, it's gonna put them off, and they won't pickup when you call them.

10. Put yourself and your future first there's no one more important to your life than you. Remember that. Don't sacrifice your future for the prospect of some pussy. Don't think self-sacrifice is a virtue. "The more it hurts, the more it means I care" is a bullshit lie societies thrown on you. Selfishness is your right, because if you don't take care of yourself, who will? So no excuses, workout, ace your classes, keep your future looking good, and don't comprimise your life for the sake of others.

11. Dont be afraid to fail You WILL fail. Repeatedly. Over and over and over again. But at the end of the day, you're still standing. You're still breathing. It isn't the end. Get back up, reflect, figure out how you can do it better, and take another swing. Failure has taught me much more than winning ever could. Cliche, right?

Well, that's a little bit of what I learned during my time here. I've made a lot of mistakes along the way, but I've grown a lot from the incredibly petulent 17 year old I was when I found this place. Hopefully someone will read this and find something valuable in it. Thanks for reading.

TLDR: Read the Lessons Learned