SUMMARY

A long time coming with a short lesson on how to be polite and not nice, how to avoid conflating them, and why polite should be the status quo, not something of effort. Remember, niceness is a character trait, politeness is behavior type interaction.

THE PROBLEM

A lot of guys over the last few lessons have been asking, what is it to be polite? Whether this is ice breaking with someone you don't want to bang, or freezing a relationship without drama, being polite is necessary to smooth things over.

but metalaggeddon, I'm always polite, but people still think I'm such a nice guy!

Of course they do. The beautiful thing about politeness is that it's so uncommon in American society, it's easily mistaken for niceness. UNFORTUNATELY, the opposite is true, especially with women, a girl will call you impolite if you're not being nice.

but metalaggeddon, being polite is just extra effort!

No it's not, not if it's your base level. You can always afford to be polite, it's free good quality marketing. Temper your words to be civil. (socially appropriate dialect and actions).

THIS IS WHY NICE GUYS FINISH LAST

Being nice is doing, it's inherently connected with doing.  Politeness is not, it's just a behavior with no desire to act. Niceness is charity, involving a transfer of your resources for little to nothing. Why would anyone respect a person who gives things away at no cost to the recipient. Nice = orbit. Nice = hand outs.

Polite = marketing.

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?

Politeness is civility. Think about a well dressed, attractive, alpha male walking up to you, you don't know him, but he asks for directions and the time, maybe a light for his cigar. You have nothing to gain from this man, no ulterior motives. Politeness is how you respond. You give him the time, maybe complement his tailored suit, and point him down the block. Nothing more, maybe less if you're in a rush.

Now imagine the same man, while you're being nice.

You give him the time, offer to walk him to the location, maybe even give him a cigarette as well as the light he asked for. You chat with him, complementing then fawning over that nice tailored suit, asking where he bought it, wow that must be expensive! You look great!

At the end of the interaction, the difference is in the necessary and unnecessary. If you switch this from a man to an hb8, you should see what I mean. Those of you who are nice probably lean towards the latter approach instead of the former, but you likely won't ever see this chick again.

ETIQUETTE

Etiquette is a great tool for your politeness arsenal. I don't mean chivalry,  that's a warriors code and any non warrior has no business demanding it or even commenting on it. Etiquette, know how to dance, know which fork to use, know how to open a door, show proper deference to superiors (who are deserving), how to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they enjoy the trip. Wear appropriate quality clothes, the best you can afford. Learn how to speak, to project without being loud, all of these are things which aid in coming across as a polite gentleman. None of these are to be applied as a fixed universal rule.

WHEN NOT TO BE POLITE

When disagreements result in a communication stonewall or breakdown. At this point, (such as when arguing with a woman) politeness occasionally won't work. Especially where there's a severe culture clash. At this point the bets are off, be civil if you can. The point is, it should take more effort to be impolite than to be polite.

It is expected to be dirty the right amount to be polite, if you're into the girl, she deserves your intentions to be clear, no beta covert contracts need apply.

For example, yesterday I was low on my daily colds (do a few a day whenever you're out, always game boys, always) grabbed a girls number, slim shorter 7 with that succubus look, red tight jacket. Delicious. My opener was "you have an astonishing figure, it invokes imagination", after her basic shock I followed up with playfully "I should meet the little devil in you". Maybe I'll respond to her text tomorrow.

Polite, but forward, implicating, playful.

CHECKING YOURSELF

  • Are you volunteering compliments that are not earned?

  • Are you offering something that costs you for something that doesn't cost them?

  • Are you engaging in unselfish charity?

  • Are you utilizing covert contracts?

If you're doing such in an interaction, you're being nice. Don't be nice. Be polite. Tone it down and always expect equivalent exchange or better. Use the quick mental question, "what have you actually done for me lately?" for the above example, she had pleased me visually, so I gave her a minute of my time. My compliment was earned.

Had there not been a response, that would have been the end of the interaction, maybe with a have a nice day.

LESSONS LEARNED

  • Simply be civil when professional, use correct status, Mr, Mrs, miss, sir, ma'am, etc no homey, dog, bro, mahnigga etc.

  • Be disagreeable or demanding, but never attack the person or become inflamed, there's no need. Until they've given you one that is. Follow basic etiquette for speech, enunciate, speak slowly, casually, clearly.

  • Never be afraid to say no, do not conflate disagreement with a lack of politeness.

  • Remember that sometimes, being polite is being dirty, prime example, gaming, pillow talk, heavy escalation, etc.

ASSIGNMENT

Ask yourself in your interactions, are you being nice or polite? For a week, try not to fit the nice description. Just remember "what have you done for me lately?". Chances are people will take notice, the best case scenario they begin offering things to you to balance the equation. The worst case you figure out you're a bitch with a lot of work to do.

Be honest with yourself, if you're being charitable to someone, figure out exactly why you're eating your own resources for nothing. Stop it.

Until next week gentlemen, 6 days to pdf link for those waiting!