First dates

iamwhoiam101101110 · 2022-04-18T03:15:32+00:00

I would suggest reading Book of Pook and you will probably discover what you're doing wrong as you go through the chapters, this sub has really gone to shit so I would take any non-sidebar material or non-endorsed contributor with a grain of salt and then spit on that salt

SalporinRP · 2022-04-18T04:56:43+00:00

[permanently deleted]

319Skew · 2022-04-18T15:12:00+00:00

You're probably not giving enough masculine energy and being confident.

Switch board games and interview with dancing and sexual teasing.

Less "looks like you got a community chest" and "where do you see yourself in 10 years" and more "let's dance" "I bet you're a good kisser. Let's see".

I'll echo top comment on pook. Unless you're paying for the date, she's at least somewhat interested but your game is lacking.

productrocket · 2022-04-18T12:07:26+00:00

You give too much of a fuck. You need to put the focus on you having a good time and take her along for the ride. Stop calling them dates because you already make this something special with the language you use. You're going out and you invite her along.

neverendingplush · 2022-04-18T20:22:19+00:00

kinda hard with no context given, idk how you act in person, or your looks. Best advice I got is to go out and simply try to have a good time, and not worry about sex or even meeting them again. Better to just live in the moment , instead of seeking results down the line. I mean fucking is cool and all, but learning to enjoy the process gets you more sex naturally, and it just ties in the whole package as sorts. When I first started meeting women I had this fucking weird image of a "chad" masculine sex god, and all i came off as was a dickhead and socially retarded. Gotta let go of this redpill shit sometimes and just be human, not these internet memes that get blown out of context with dumbass field reports ,dudes claiming to of fucked 10 Mediterranean models the night before.

kez88 · 2022-04-18T06:20:42+00:00

Be more sexually polarising with them. Don't just try to get along, say things that will get a positive or negative response. The opposite of attraction isn't negativity, it's boredom. Interview style dates are boring and all you're really doing is putting the onus on the girl to make the conversation. Try making statements and cold reads about her in a joking fashion and let her expand on them or talk further. Try more push pull and ways to spice up the conversation instead of just exchanging pleasantries.

Lastly, if you're getting a lot of first dates, it MAY (but not always) mean you're too nice and haven't vetted them early enough on the app to make sure they're really down to be with you. The benefit of dating apps is that you have unlimited, riskier shots to take to find a girl who is KEEN as opposed to just going on a date for the hell of it. Good luck son

Flashy_Glove6208 · 2022-04-18T03:32:27+00:00

I cannot even court them nowadays

OLD chicks? Did you ask them to go to your place? They have hundreds of DMs online. Shoot your shot on the first date, don't try to court them/ know them better. It puts you in a friend zone.

That said I had similar experience in RL. When I cared and put effort I was friendzoned. Then I focused on myself and my passions - you could say I was so focused I was a mgtow at the time - and women started chasing me.

You need to be happy, content and confident with yourself being single. Don't make chasing women your priority. The rest to educate yourself is in the sidebar.

strikethrough123 · 2022-04-18T23:21:55+00:00

On a first date, I barely say shit about myself. I try to steer the conversation into relationships and sex as soon as possible. I go for the make out as soon as I catch the first hint. You gotta understand something, girls are subtle. If she was attracted to you in the beginning, the only way you can fuck up is if you miss too many hints. Girls think that men think like them, they don’t understand that men are more linear and direct in their thinking. If you don’t capitalize on their hints, they either think you’re uninterested, dumb, or are a pussy. Your goal on a first date is to fuck her. You have to actually try to fuck her. Hanging around shooting darts isn’t going to get you further to fucking her. You don’t want her to think “oh this guy is cool to hang out with”, you want her to think, “this guy will probably fuck the shit out of me”. The second you feel that little instinct telling you to make a sexual move, do it, don’t rationalize yourself out of it, just act.

monadyne · 2022-04-18T18:58:29+00:00

"these girls really move fast, judging you only on the first date. As if they know we’ll live happily ever after, only after knowing each other for 3 hours. "

They're not checking you out as a long-term partner, OP. You had it right before: it's about sexual attraction. They know within the first few minutes if you're someone they'd want to bang or not. And in your case, it's apparently been "or not."

The question is, why? Go down the list: do you have a handsome face? Are you physically fit? (Not scrawny or pudgy.) Do you look like you work out? Are you well groomed? Nice haircut? Nice clothes?

If you pass those requirements, is there something you're doing that turns them off during the dates? If they all come away with a Friend Zone vibe, maybe you're too much of a softy? Maybe you're too agreeable? Maybe you come across as too anxious to please them? Do they get the idea that you're trying too hard?

Whatever you're doing, it's not working. Here's a thought: your dates sound more like interviews for prospective mates. Instead of talking to them, e.g., "So, where'd you go to school? What do you do for work?" just pick them up and take them someplace to have fun. Just focus on having fun. Hot air ballon rides. Swimming in a reservoir. Make it like, "Hey, I'm going to go do this fun activity. Ya wanna come along?"

knowingly_diligent · 2022-04-18T03:36:47+00:00

Stop being chill. Don’t text — women don’t want penpals and neither should you. Don’t get attached to the outcome. Be congruent with your intentions and your frame. Disqualify them first. You’re probably reminding these women of their brother. Most women have experienced it all if they’re dating. Be bold and mysterious.

barryg123 · 2022-04-18T19:26:11+00:00

>It’s basically an interview most of the time cause idk how else you’re supposed to get to know someone.

Wrong approach. Get to know them on an emotional level - that means spikes , ups and downs, explore the emotional landscape.

You DON'T need to "get to know them" in the sense of their family, job, upbringing, etc on the first date.

Flying_Wingback · 2022-04-18T03:32:22+00:00

Never sit across especially on a first date. Either get a booth/couch or go to places where they know you well enough to let you get a table for 4 and have her sit next to you

coolsocks0 · 2022-04-18T08:09:38+00:00

Escalate faster. You have to go outside your comfort zone with both kino and verbal escalation, because you're going too slow.

And fuck these old school dates. Invite straight to yours for wine, or pick them up to go for a drive, pick up some ice cream and head to yours or a secluded area.

The only real shot you have at meeting a quality girl through OLD is finding one who just recently surrendered to her own stupidity by downloading the app. Whether or not you fuck on the first date is all dependent on you and not the quality of the girl, i find.

coucoulavie · 2022-04-18T11:16:03+00:00

This article of Hawaiian Libertarian will help you:
Got game ?

r1bb1tTheFrog · 2022-04-19T00:10:17+00:00

I’m no pro, but my approach has always been anti-kino. Not anti-affection, just very limited touch, sometimes zero touch. Maybe a half-hug at the start/end if her eyes tell me to.

Basically, coffee shop or bar for first date. Zero kino.

Second date can be a different day or the same day (just moving locations). Still zero kino. But we’ll talk about everything that comes up naturally, including previous dates, interests, funny anecdotes, and sex. EXCEPT - I don’t talk anything of substance. Nothing about work. Little of family. Basically the type of conversation where you can emotionally “feel” the other person, but you don’t actually know much about them. If she pushes boring work questions, you can tell her, but that shouldn’t ever be the focus unless your job is literal chick crack - fashion industry, gossip mag, whatever. Otherwise keep it short, vague, and humorous.

In those conversations I’ll find something in common. Usually there will be some Netflix show that we’ve both wanted to watch. If things are going well, one of you will suggest to watch it together. But sent specify a time or place. That’s usually okay for a third date.

The second and third date should generally not be planned. You leave the first and second showing Internet but giving no physical signs.

I get it - all the advice out there talks about kino and escalating fast. That works for a girl you met at the bar 20 minutes ago. For regular dates, it doesn’t seem to work for me. I imagine it comes off as needy. If you make zero physical advance, and there is a movie +couch planned, then eventually you put her arm around her and you’ll start making out.

Super boring I get it, but it works for me, and I figure it works because:

I never come off as needy
The girl is probably wondering when I’ll finally touch her, building up anticipation

wanker7171 · 2022-04-19T01:28:51+00:00

Most of the girls have told me that they see a friend or aren’t romantically interested. I know it’s code for I am not sexually attracted to you. I understand and I take responsibility. I am not going to click with every girl, but this is happening a bit too often. Could use some advice.

As another guy who's been at this stage, your drive to improve will dramatically reduce this from happening.

It’s basically an interview most of the time cause idk how else you’re supposed to get to know someone.

The dates are fun, i choose board game bars

Are the dates fun because of the board game or because you enjoyed your conversation?

The girls leave the dates feeling good but I guess not turned on.

Do you at least kiss them before they leave? If the answer is no, they did not have a good time.

pappo4ever · 2022-04-22T10:40:45+00:00

these girls really move fast, judging you only on the first date.

Dude, if you date an obese girl you would move fast too. Is not that hard. Only three reactions with girls:

1) You are handsome, tall and shredded: She invite you to her house to fuck. Immediately.

2) You are middle-of-the-road handsome, 6'0, decent body, or have a Mercedes: Maybe get another date

3) You are ugly or short: Friendzone <--- YOU ARE HERE

Don't be short or ugly. Alternatively, date uglier girls.

legalbeagle17 · 2022-04-18T05:13:53+00:00

Women, and men, are simple whores today. Common guttersnipes. You’ll be lucky if you ever find a semi-suitable woman. Whatever woman you find “attractive” enough to fuck, and who you can have interesting and meaningful conversation with, you need to take control of the relationship. Hands down. Stop fucking around, make boundaries, set ground rules and make her conform to you. That’s what we’ve been doing for millennia’s and only in the last 80 years has that changed. You’ve got to grow the fuck up dude.

yaboyebeatz · 2022-04-18T14:54:33+00:00

Try working on your delivery. Don’t be so high energy, know when to raise the stakes. Make them feel like you want them, but don’t need them. Good luck bro.

MrManwithNoName2021 · 2022-04-18T16:43:56+00:00

Just means you need to be a little more flirty, compliment her on what you find attractive, and be playful.

Turbulent_Present_97 · 2022-04-18T19:36:06+00:00

Might even be worth portraying all the signs of someone who’s sexually interested and then playfully removing that possibility. They’ll see all the signs they know to look out for, without the end result. Immediately makes you interesting, albeit only at the end.

Above strategy conveys both familiarity as well as high value, making you more than the one dimensional person that most red pill seems to produce. Good concepts, but awkward in practice when they’re devoid of your own personality.

haekz · 2022-04-18T20:01:40+00:00

Build rapport with her, be more aggressive ( in a fun way), ask personal questions and let her do the talking, don't be scared of being (a little bit) mean and offensive. And don't forget the ultimate trio, deep eye contact, kino abs spontaneity

EZemm · 2022-04-18T21:00:35+00:00

You need to build a system that works for you. Mine is pretty simple. First dates are always short walks (30m). At the end of the date I always say "Should we kiss ?" (something like that, as I'm not american) with a smirk, and I'd say that works half of the time (I find this better than going directly for the kiss, where you can get the cheek and it becomes super awkward, and it gives her a few seconds to prepare herself mentally). Best case, we're making out (and could go to my place directly). In case she declines the kiss, she's either not interested or just shy/difficult, either way it's going to be a headache, so I drop them. For second dates, I go for a home date at night, dinner + movie, my place preferably. Escalate, fuck, or get denied and I drop them. Pretty simple.

I think you should find a way that suits you to escalate to a kiss in every first date. At least that's what works for me.

alwayscheckforkids · 2022-04-18T21:04:31+00:00

Chill out more, give less of a fuck, always split first dates 50:50.

2022-04-18T21:23:46+00:00

Sometimes there is or isn’t a spark, it’s not necessarily anything you’ve done. Some people just aren’t compatible. That’s what dating is for!

Take the pressure of yourself, maybe they are feeling that.

Also realistically it’s VERY hard to give advice when we aren’t actually there watching the date. There could be a million things that maybe come across as a red flag that is putting them off (the fact nobody has gone to a second date makes me think there is actually something wrong).

Or is there a specific type of girl you are going for? How are you meeting them?

Current-Ticket4214 · 2022-04-18T23:23:58+00:00

I take women to do my favorite things. Hiking, arcade, go karts, or anything competitive that I can really enjoy. If they don’t like me after I still had fun and it’s on to the next one. These days I rely quite a bit more on in person cold approach because it works much better. WYSIWYG and they’re usually out to have fun and hoping someone will take them home and beat the breaks off. If you can strike up chemistry with a cold approach they’re already interested and if not you can move onto the next bag within a few minutes

_do_not_read_this_ · 2022-04-19T00:18:18+00:00

I have been getting a lot of dates the past two months off OLD

There's your problem right there.

No_Version_2941 · 2022-04-19T02:32:51+00:00

Studies show girls will feel attraction if they become nervous or excited - maybe try doing as adventurous of a thing as you can reasonably pull off?

Limp-Key8427 · 2022-04-19T02:34:40+00:00

talk less during date and tell her you have nice wine at your place. dont ask her if she likes you .

Ageoft · 2022-04-19T07:53:12+00:00

Never sit in the same place for more than an hour. 30 minutes is ideal. 45 minutes maybe. An hour and you are dead in the water on first date. She won't feel the liquor until she starts walking. Kino while walking is also a billion times easier.

Don_Draper27 · 2022-04-19T14:33:14+00:00

You're on the right track with bars and board games.

It seems like you're framing the first date as you wanting the girl to clearly indicate that she's sexually interested in you.

First off, first dates should be expected to be short. Within 15-30 minutes you should know and solely decide if you want to keep investing your time. Are YOU having a good time?

Second, you're probably framing the date as trying to get girls to like you, or you're waiting for them to give you what you want. Both of these are bad mindsets. You're there to screen her.

Your goal in the first date should be to find out:

1 - is this girl worth more of my time? (Green flags) 2 - is it safe to escalate things with this girl? Is it safe for her to know where I live? Is it safe to initiate and share sexual acts with her? (Red flags)

Finally, you need to make a goal for the first date (with girls who are worth your time).

My personal goal is to always k-close. I've gone on many dates where I was not getting strong IOI's, but once I k-closed and they reciprocated, I knew the attraction was there. I don't k-close with girls I'm not interested in. Sometimes they follow up, sometimes we ghost each other.

To be honest, I've never been rejected with a k-close. Maybe once the girl turned her check, but we kissed minutes later.

Then, with girls I k-close, I initiate a second date with the intention to f-close. Almost all of the time I succeed.

I've had some same day lays, but that's just from me receiving strong IOI's and going with my gut. I personally err on the side of caution. I'm not going to escalate to f-close if after I kiss a girl, she's standing there with her arms crossed and anxiously staring at the ground.

Anyways, be BOLD. Don't ask her questions, make assumptions. "You seem like you grew up with older brothers", instead of asking her if she has siblings.

GO FOR THE K-CLOSE. Worst case scenario, she rejects you. So what? They're all already rejecting you. Just laugh it off and say, "whoops, I misread the signals." Let her know she can head home if she wants, or you tell her you're going to go see a friend, or go for the k-close later in the night.

MattyAnon · 2022-04-19T20:15:19+00:00

Most of the girls have told me that they see a friend or aren’t romantically interested

"they see a friend", do you mean "see me as a friend" ?

If so, this is basically a shit test (when said on a first date). It's based on you not being attractive enough or not escalating at all.

Essentially for first dates I take them to bars to get drinks.

good, so long as you're not paying.

We sit there, either I’m in front of them or next to them.

side is better

We drink, talk, get to know each other. I throw in as much as kino as I can, light touches.

very good

It’s basically an interview most of the time

very bad.

Interview questions are the last resort of the unskilled. It's you asking for her value while offering none of your own. It sucks for everyone.

You want to be talking about stuff in a passionate way, her doing the same, and you doing a certain amount of rapport breaking.

Here's a few tips for you: make sure you disagree with about 1/3 of what she says...... eg "that was a dumb fucking idea" or "that sounds pointless". The point is to be your own man rather than the yes-man that bores her.

Second tip: don't pass judgment on most of what she says (don't approve, don't disapprove). Judgments suck and people want to have fun, not receive approval or disapproval. Instead you ask follow up questions and try to elicit feelings and more chat. Occasionally take over the conversation and talk about yourself.

This is the fucking worst and it probably looks familiar:

Boy: "What do you do"

Girl: "I work in a sausage factory"

Boy: "Oh, I just love sausages, this one time me and a friend ate ........".

You've just cut short her story, elicited zero feelings, tried to get rapport, denied her investment and started talking about yourself. It's fucking dire and most men do it.

cause idk how else you’re supposed to get to know someone.

You lead, talk about yourself, and get her to do the same. Not boring fucking shit like her name and her job. What would she do if she was immortal? Should you both go into business as professional icecream tasters? What's her worst keep-fit experience? Should you both take a train to the next city over for the rest of the date? DUMB ASS SHIT.

The dates are fun, i choose board game bars where after talking for a bit I can play a random game with them, have a bit of fun.

sure, ok

Other times it’s other shit.

girls need to be led.

Paining class with wine together for the first date. I did a pizza date, brunch, etc. Just trying out new shit. The girls leave the dates feeling good but I guess not turned on.

Right.

Touching good. Be attractive obs. BE MORE ENGAGING AND EXCITING.

ageggeuejrjdvcb · 2022-04-22T07:35:49+00:00

Well Most of females are only going on the dates to eat free food and drinks

shittyfuckdick · 2022-04-22T13:23:29+00:00

OP I have the same issue. I get a decent amount of first dates but they don’t seem to go anywhere.

There was one girl though who I continued to see. She told me that I was incredibly boring on our first date. So much that she texting her friends about it while I was in the bathroom and even made an excuse to leave early. When I asked her why she continued to see me she said it’s cause I’m good looking and over time she found out I wasn’t all that boring.

So maybe thats some insight that can help you as well. Maybe we’re just not in our zone or have the social skills for first dates.

ApeMakeFire · 2022-04-23T23:13:28+00:00

Why is nobody bringing up the fact that hypergamy is currently at an all time high ?

Every single single female is getting railed by guys who are 1+ points out of their league. If you're 1+ points out of a girls league, you're not taking her out, you're not meeting her friends and you're 99% going to ghost her.

She wants comfort though.

Emotional comfort comes from untrained men who take them out on cute little dates.

The only way to avoid this is to pre-screen the females you're talking to, and be flirty / sexual before even meeting. Let them know from the jump you're not looking for a relationship right away and looking to start casual.

That will remove about 85% of the time wasters right from the jump

2022-04-18T15:24:46+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Xexitar · 2022-04-21T07:55:24+00:00

Take this shit to asktrp where it belongs.

Title	First dates
Author	alphaonthecomeup
Upvotes	67
Comments	84
Date	April 18, 2022 3:00 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/u634b4/first_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/first-dates.1112233 https://theredarchive.com/post/1112233

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