FR - Coffee dates suck....

MattyAnon · 2017-10-28T20:48:46+00:00

You can't learn from a single example.

Women are random. They have a huge amount going on that you know nothing about (and they won't honestly tell you) - so you can't learn anything from a single datapoint.

However.... as one girl said to me... and there's some evidence backing this up... "nice guys ask you out for coffee, bad boys ask you out for drinks".

Andgelyo · 2017-10-28T22:12:51+00:00

Coffee/hot chocolate dates= I’m interested in getting to know you/potential long term partner

Getting drinks= possible night to get laid

Cmon man, you’re doing it wrong.

petersen2massive · 2017-10-28T20:51:14+00:00

A coffee date sub-communicates to the girl that you're a more grounded sort of guy and you're a prospect for long term dating. It just screams "I want to take things slow" on your part. It puts a huge "boyfriend material" neon sign on your forehead and that makes it a lot harder for you to fuck. You're not giving her the tingles by telling her, through sub-text, that you're a take-it-slow kinda guy. The most you can give her is a prospect for having a supplicant boyfriend. Let me go over why coffee dates sub-communicate this: i) too many people around - not much escalation can occur. The clientele and staff there make it inappropriate for you to escalate beyond a certain stage. A bar's better, the clientele don't mind you escalating to a certain extent. ii) it's a heavily conversation-based kind of meet-up. It makes it seem like you're really trying to get to know her as a person, so she'll show you her fake unicorn side so you can LTR her. iii)it's just not a fun thing to do. Sitting and having coffee? C'mon man!

You could have gone to play lazer tag with her initially and skipped the whole coffee thing. But during that, you'd have to escalate like a motherfucker; leave her with no doubt that you want to fuck.

So there bro. Next time, make your intentions known with no room for doubt.

BewareTheOldMan · 2017-10-28T21:11:36+00:00

I know of men who don't bother to date or "do coffee" or whatever. I've seen screenshots where dudes escalate right from the phone. Those guys are Chad.

I'm not saying do exactly that, but what I know is that most 27 year old women who have been having sex since the ages of 15/16/17 are dating for one of two reasons: They are either looking for a husband or just sex. Find out which one. Exceptions (such as virgins) are rare, but they exist.

Don't plan a coffee date if your intentions are to fuck.

I agree.

Be careful with the alcohol. Is it really necessary? You ALWAYS want both you and the woman to have a clear head. The lines regarding consent are blurred and you don't need a chick "rethinking" her decision based on alcohol or a mind-altering substance.

She bailed on me the first date because she "partied too hard"

This is cause for concern. Girl’s Night Out or "Chasing Chad?"

Lastly - be careful. At age 27 "the wall" is approaching. I’m of the mindset these type of women should have jumped off the man-hopping carousel about five years back.

Decide whether you want to be the husband or the guy she sexes BEFORE the husband. Personally, I would avoid being the husband.

HungarianMAGApede · 2017-10-28T23:58:13+00:00

bailed on you because she partied too hard

This is the part where I knew she is going to be a worthless hoe. Also 27? I mean, a girl can still party at 27 but they should at least know what responsibility is.

Also the date plan was totally look like a meet with a friend. 11AM coffee early, and then lazertag looks something I would do with a friend.

Dont feel bad about this stuff. 2$ and 1 hour is a very very cheap lesson, I have spent multiples of these with no reward.

max_peenor · 2017-10-28T22:35:40+00:00

Coffee is where you meet to discuss business or conduct interviews. This is neither, so I totally agree.

HOWEVER, frequently I have had women referred to me through some kink connections for various reasons. This was literally a job interview, even if the job involved me beating, raping (consensual of course) or chaining them to a tree (an oddly popular request). The touchy-feely part was far less important than getting to understand that this was a serious arraignment that needed proper preparation and explicit consent. Women that balked at it over coffee were clearly not a good idea. When done over drinks, a lot of women let the environment override their better instincts and that can lead to a world of shit down he road.

So in closing, yes, coffee dates suck, unless there is a specific utility to it.

grogbottle · 2017-10-29T03:07:07+00:00

Coffee is good if you're a busy man / can't decide if she's worth the time. Meet, say hello, escalate the fuck out of things, whatever happens get out of there in half an hour.

A great way to practice game with sober girls if cold approach isn't your thing.

TheRedPillRipper · 2017-10-29T11:00:25+00:00

Why all the hate for coffee dates? They're great for screening. I didn't mind coffee dates when I was dating but I always coupled it with physical activity. Where I live there's a few popular walking tracks around lakes, up mountains and such. My go to line was "You provide the coffee; I'll provide the company."

I've got a pretty good strike rate face to face so I'd set up the meet, walk, talk and concrete mix(someone posted it as an analogy about stirring a multitude of emotions in a woman similar to mixing concrete so they never settle). Once I sensed they were in the mood I'd challenge them to something I was good at(hill sprints, chins/push ups etc..) to escalate kino. I'd say ladies first then I'd do my thing. Usually by then the endos are kicking and if my planning was spot on(it was) we'd end up near a cafe. I'd get them to scale the company out of 10 (usually an 8 or so) then it was their shout for coffee. Coffees in hand I'd take them to one of my go to spots to isolate and gauge the situation; if they were up for it; ABC.

If I wasn't feeling it I'd tell them I gotta go home and scrub up cause I had somewhere to be. If they were free they were welcome to join. If they weren't/busy I'd chuck them on the back burner.

Obviously my target group were older(25-35) cause I wasn't looking just for sex however it did work as intended. I built sufficient rapport to k-close majority of the dates then close later but more importantly weed out the cray crayz. I actually took my current partner out for walk and coffee for our first date. After dragged her ass out to watch me play a pick up game of footy lol.

Coffee dates don't have to suck; if your logistics game's on point.

Arty777 · 2017-10-28T21:03:00+00:00

What's the big deal? She wants to hang out again. You don't have to fuck every woman on the first date.

cEddowes · 2017-10-28T23:50:14+00:00

You shouldn't need to rely upon a situation which has to involve alcohol to meet/sleep with a woman. That's asking for bucket of trouble these days. Especially if it's a first meeting or ONS and you know nothing about her.

A tip I have. Don't do a coffee date. Do a breakfast date. Preferably early in the day, 7 am for example. If she is high maintenance you find out very quickly here. Some girls need to wake up 2+ hours prior. It will also give you a good idea of their true appearance especially if they partied the night before. It also gives you a good idea of how into the date they are. If a girl won't meet me for 7 am breakfast because they don't want to get out of bed it gives me a good idea of what I can expect in the future from them.
It also subtly brings them into your frame and sets the tone for behavior from the beginning. They're doing something "for you" which makes them invested in you. This little trick will hook a girl like no other. Have them do stuff for you.

Also, the breakfast date can be fast, or slow. You can develop plans to go out that night if you hit it off. That way, you're familiar with each other before meeting later in the evening, the awkward stage has been worked through and she has a reasonable assessment of whether or not you're a threat(women think rape is around every corner). Or you can cut your losses if it's a dud and you still have the whole day and night to figure out other plans.

Personally, it's my go to. I even pick up the check if I like her. I split it if there's no chemistry. And breakfast food is the best food.

notonlyplace · 2017-10-29T12:46:33+00:00

She was excited to the idea, but claimed that she had already set plans after to get ready for work.

This was her out, Next time the plan is to meet for coffee then back to you're place

Escalation isn't, "I want my dick in your mouth"

The next step is your place or her place to get to know each other better, I only do Coffee dates and my close rate is 90-95% , PM if interested and I will give you a few scripts that helped me in these situations

Peter_B_Long · 2017-10-30T23:38:22+00:00

I think your biggest downfall was the logistics. You had a time frame in the back of your mind the whole time and knew that you couldn't escalate towards anything.

coffee dates aren't bad. They're good if you want to do a quick meet up to see if she's potentially a psycho, gold digger, catfishing, etc.

Maybe you should've cut the date a little shorter since you knew that she had to go get ready for work. Keep in short and sweet and don't try to drag it on.

unhealthy1 · 2017-10-30T03:01:37+00:00

Are you her girl friend? Do you want to impress her with your 10 perccent organic, 5 percent shot of espresso, low calorie coffee order? Why are you talking to her? I cant remember the last time a woman in her 20s 30s said something i found interesting. Action date man. Then booze her up and game her.

phareux · 2017-10-28T21:00:25+00:00

You’re only supposed to ask her to hang out after 11pm

vwzwv · 2017-10-29T09:40:34+00:00

Invited her to lazer tag? So she can learn to play like a boy and meet the other boys too? Girls older than, say 14, don't want to exert themselves physically. That invite is comparable to a girl who likes you so she starts inviting you to tag-along with her to a bunch of awesome baby showers.

I suppose never say never. There are times inviting a girl to laser tag could be a good thing. In general though it's a bad sell. Girls don't like boys they like men. Even if you and that girl are both 17.

It doesn't mean you can't play laser tag. Just keep it to the boys club unless she initiates interest. Find some general common ground with women that isn't giving up your frame. Important because theymostly alike that way.

Here's a strategic fallacy lots of men chose to believe in.

Get girls interest
Quickly induct her in to something your in to (lazer tag, bowling, Nintendo mario cart, magic the gathering club)
(?) Get some time under your belt with her
(Profit) pussy action.

Two big problems with this:

She's not going to join a Magic Gathering club to get to know you better.
Getting time under the belt with her in the context of being a bowling pal drys up da pussy. You are positioning yourself as friend zoned and moving forward from there.

mangoat12 · 2017-10-29T03:00:45+00:00

It's annoying with girls <21 years old. Ask them for drinks and they claim they can't drink so have to revert to coffee

6ThornmailRammus · 2017-10-29T20:23:06+00:00

People are saying that you should arrange a "let's get drinks" date instead of a coffee date. What if you're too young to be allowed in bar? Any ideas?

trplurker · 2017-10-30T13:22:29+00:00

Daytime coffee dates are for screening a girl and setting up expectations, they aren't for F-closing. They are supposed to be low effort and short duration with the primary purpose being to see if she's worth any additional time. You always have something else, not with her, planned afterward so she only has a short period of time to impress you. This girl knew that, you didn't. By trying to f-close in the middle of the afternoon on a coffee date you set yourself up for failure.

A successful coffee date is when her attraction to you has been increased, and your ready for the next date, which is far more intimate and leads to sex.

BrandomLad · 2017-10-29T07:05:48+00:00

Coffee dates are great when not planned - eg you cold approach and go for an instant date. My strategy on coffee dates is to let her sit down first, then drag a chair from somewhere else right next to her, and throw my arm over her shoulder.

rikleeRed42 · 2017-10-29T08:13:36+00:00

i dont consider coffee a date so im okay with them.

more like a meet and greet, coffee dates are fine for that if you dont drag them out. then you can quickly set up a real date very soon after coffee.

if your goal is to just quickly get laid, try to pickup a girl at a bar or club, dont waste your time dating. its not cool to mess fuck with a girls head like that.

shakespeareSMG · 2017-10-29T23:13:06+00:00

Coffe dates are for bitch-ass betas who watch Friends.

GoDucksGo94 · 2017-10-30T03:52:33+00:00

Overthinking it bud, coffee dates are good because it gives off the impression that you don't wanna bang right off the bat. Instead, it shows that a coffee date is like a tryout for her to prove to you that she bang YOU. Inviting her to something with alcohol/at night implies you thirsty, if you make it seem like you are indifferent in banging her she's going to want your marbles more.

Bear_x · 2017-10-30T14:59:31+00:00

Humble post, 10/10. Fuck coffee dates, dude. If pussy is your goal then meeting for drinks is the way to go. Have a beer, chirp her ass teasing her about something dumb, and just be a one man show. She’ll be puddy in your hands at the roller coaster of feels you’ve generated.

If your goal is finding quality women to date then tbh I haven’t even attempted that yet so I got nothing. I’m still having fun fucking hotter girls than I’ve ever had, and I’m mid 30s hehe.

fastnail · 2017-10-29T14:10:49+00:00

Quick answer.

Alcohol = sex fuel.

tibikush2012 · 2017-10-29T14:44:16+00:00

Usually you can feel when it is time to escelate or not (in my experience).

All my tinder dates were daytime dates. Some were successful and some weren't. I do recommend to try to always try to escalate (not like a maniac though) in order to see if there is a chance or not. Because in many cases the girl might just not be attracted to you once she sees you and that's why nothing happens

cashmoney_x · 2017-10-29T15:09:31+00:00

Coffee breath is the reason to avoid coffee dates. YUCK.

marian5567 · 2017-10-29T01:01:33+00:00

Coffee is cheaper than alcohol. So you don't get laid.

jamesbond8181 · 2017-10-29T13:06:27+00:00

I don't drink alcohol, so I always do coffee dates. What's another alternative than coffee?

Title	FR - Coffee dates suck....
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	51
Comments	112
Date	October 28, 2017 8:33 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/79cf62/fr_coffee_dates_suck/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/fr-coffee-dates-suck.46830 https://theredarchive.com/post/46830

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