[FR] Lost Frame Once and It's Over

Mister_Shitlord_2U · 2015-06-26T19:09:55+00:00

After she told you she lied about shark week, the moment you realized you couldn't get it up, you should have flipped the shit test around and freaked on her for lying and kicked her out. It would have covered up the fact that you couldn't get it up and would have put her on the defensive.

0xdada · 2015-06-26T20:35:30+00:00

That an evil shit test.

Step 1: get him going.
Step 2: give him an out.
Step 3: make him feel like it's ok to be emotionally vulnerable and "honest."
Step 4: switch modes and see if he still feels entitled to fuck.
Step 5: know for sure if he's alpha on the inside.

Brutal. Effective, but brutal. It is a lot like interrogation tactics.

The shit test asks, "is there shame or weakness in your heart? Look deeper, are you sure? Is there a fear, a compromise, a kink, a doubt, or even an echo in the hollow of some faint dissonance?"

Though the pussy hungers, the hamster must be appeased.

silvertongue35 · 2015-06-26T18:21:00+00:00

What she did was "break" you. You know how women say they "want" a sweet, sensitive, thoughtful guy?

They are full of shit. Once you show you are like that, then they will check out mentally and emotionally because that dries up her pussy like the Gobi desert , no tingles.

At least you recognized and understand that. Never vomit emotions.

Assassin1476 · 2015-06-26T18:36:42+00:00

Instead of panicking, you should have called her out on lying about being on her period. If you couldn't get it up; blame it on her and the fact that blood completely turns you off or her lying about nothing is a great turn off. Whether it's the truth or a complete lie, bring that bitch down with you and make her feel like shit. She was giving you that shit test, you should have took it and thrown it back in her face. It's a dirty tactic but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. The next thing, never get emotional. Never, ever...ever. Unless if you can use that to your advantage.

I've not been able to get it up with a lot of chicks and that is usually the worst thing ever but the best thing you can do is either play it off and not give a shit, because getting emotional or embarrassed won't help. Don't make excuses and don't get nervous, it is what it is and as long as you control yourself and the situation most of the time you can pull through with a chick. Learn how to be uncomfortable in awkward situations and if you're really unable to do so and unable to maintain frame, just accept the situation and move on.

Invalidity · 2015-06-26T18:24:18+00:00

Tough break, but this is how the world works.

Close off your emotions. When we say, "man up", it's important to adhere to those words.
This girl is promiscuous.

Now if you're the guy who likes to take things slow and is more emotional about things, find a similar girl who is more conservative.

william_law · 2015-06-26T23:59:49+00:00

OP, others have said it already, but I really think you may be dramatically misinterpreting the situation. Here's I read it: women DO want to get to know a man emotionally, open up to him and have him open up to her, but he cannot do it in a needy way. This is the crucial distinction.

2 ways a man is emotional:

1 - In a needy way, opening up about his insecurities, doubts, fears, opening up the way he would open up to his mother.

After he becomes a man, he no longer should be relating to ANY woman in this mother-son archetypal relationship dyad.

2 -When boy has become man, and has mastered his domain, he can still open up to a woman emotionally. No woman wants to be with an unrelatable guy. But as a man, you have to be the source of strength in this emotionality. Women will be forgiving of a man's imperfections as long as he is a champ about it, I.e. Not being a whiny dramatic bitch (not saying you were like this). Essentially you now have to be the "parent" in the relationship. In order for the relationship to work, you have to be her daddy, rather than her being your mommy. So you can still be caring and thoughtful and emotionally open, as long as it's not needy, clingy, cheesy, mushy. And she DOES want this. What she doesn't want is have to be your mom.

So how does this relate to you? I don't think she was shit testing you at all by wanting to open up emotionally. She was genuinely both consciously and unconsciously wanting to progress the relationship. She made up the period story so that instead of immediately getting sexual, she could have some time to connect and get to know who you are deep down a bit better, because she was wanting to see if things were viable beyond a merely sexual level. She felt good about this part, that's why she then said she wanted to have sex. By thinking she was shit testing you and you failed by opening up, why would she then say she wanted sex? She would have stuck to the period story. Where you failed was becoming confused and failing to get it up. This is what dried the puss. She was looking forward to some good emotionally connected sex. And the source of your confusion was because instead of being truly present and connected w her, you were analyzing how she may have been trying to shit test you.

Bottom line: opening up to women emotionally is not inherently bad, it's only bad if your inner game is not solid, and you're incapable of playing the parent role of emotional strength. It sounds like you actually did fine with this, otherwise she wouldn't have requested sex. You just dropped the ball at the last minute by losing your cool.

collidoscope · 2015-06-26T19:32:38+00:00

What was she prodding you about? What did you open up about?

tits_out_forTheBoys · 2015-06-26T21:45:16+00:00

And one hour of me being an emotional bitch was enough to ruin the past month me being awesome.

I have an idea. Instead of brushing this off as "I'm awesome but just happened to lose frame (because bad luck)!"...why don't you actually acknowledge your personal flaws so that you can correct them?

I'm not asking that to be a dick, but you can't claim that this was a learning experience if you're not even willing to take responsibility for ANY of your personal flaws. So let's examine the situation from a neutral perspective:

So earlier in the week we set a date to meet at my place in the evening some quick dinner and then go out and enjoy some great weather. After dinner things go to the bedroom but it turns out she's on her period so we can only make out for a while. We make out for a while and she starts prodding a lot and after a while I open up emotionally.

Dinner and enjoying the weather = beta tells. You sacrificed your entire evening for a chance at getting some pussy, and then threw an emotional hissy fit when she wouldn't put out for you (I'll get back to this in a minute). Why would she want to fuck a man right after he gave her an enormous amount of his time for free? She didn't need to, nor would she have wanted to at that point. Your evening with her was anti-seductive because you treated her like your wife instead of a girl you're not even dating. So in return she treated you like a husband by downgrading a fuck sesh to a make out sesh.

Which brings me to my next point: You played by her rules. Why? Why didn't you leave after she said she was on her period? Why would you waste your time making out with a girl who just made an excuse not to fuck you? Next that time that happens, you call it a night ASAP. THAT's where you lost frame; you let the little spoon make the rules. You're a man, and you make your own rules. Otherwise she won't respect you and therefore won't fuck you.

Commandment of Poon VII: Always keep two in the kitty.

You transgressed that command by treating her as an exclusive partner. You weren't in a relationship with her. Why in your right mind would you give her all the benefits of an LTR? Why would sacrifice all your time like that? You let her agency control you by bending to every little demand she had in this FR.

tl;dr You're being a fool if you honestly think there were no personal flaws which caused this embarrassment. You can either grow a backbone and address what I pointed out in this comment, or you can choose to change nothing about yourself and repeat these mistakes for the rest of your life. Take responsibility for your flaws so that you can correct them and become a better man. I'm not trying to be an asshole, but the mindset from which you wrote your post is setting a terrible example. Drop your flawed ego and start demanding excellence from yourself.

projectself · 2015-06-26T21:20:31+00:00

No. I do not think so. A small lapse in frame does not erase a girl who is into you like that. And your story doesn't line up for timeline to support that anyway.

I've been seeing this girl for a month and everything was going great.

After dinner things go to the bedroom but it turns out she's on her period so we can only make out for a while.

I open up emotionally.

Right then she tells me she's actually not on her period and wants to have sex.

Look at that order of events. She didn't reject you for getting emotional. She rejected you before that. She likely was "comfort testing" you. and when you opened up, she felt valued and wanted to get intimate. Yes, intimacy, the act of being vulnerable and being emotionally closer because of it.

Then you couldn't get it up, got confused and lost frame. This is what is called being incongruent. Women smell it a mile away, she thinks you are one thing and then you show something else and it repulses her. Not because you might be weak, but because she wonders if you were faking previous effort, and if you were faking it, she has lost trust with you.

Suravira · 2015-06-26T18:16:55+00:00

You can have sex during her period, just use a towel. Period is usually a shit test anyways. You played it wrong mate, just get more experience under you belt, and not in attempted LTRs, only experienced fellows can handle those.

Temptationn · 2015-06-26T20:55:42+00:00

Despite reading everything on here I actually thought this girl was different and basically reverted back to my old emotional self for one hour.

They will make you believe that, don't. I've been in your shoes with my last ex 9 months ago. I thought she was different and laid out some story's about what was going on in my life, one hour later I get a text "I really don't think this is working, you know you want to move to Florida and I'm going off to college, I'd love to stay friends but It's just not going to work let's be real" I replied okay and haven't spoke since. She still comments on my instagram pictures and text me but I've yet to feed into it.

JeanValjean197o · 2015-06-26T21:31:13+00:00

It's broken but not necessarily over.

Don't contact her, or validate her in any way. Ignore her texts and phone calls. Continue working out and dating.

Once she "cools" off she'll come snooping around for some beta validation and she'll find that Chad Thundercock is waiting with his gina tingles.

Or maybe she won't. Don't give a fuck about it. Move on and have fun. Work out, make money, fuck bitches. Plenty more where that came from and failing is the best way to learn and hone your frame.

Icreatedbothofu · 2015-06-26T23:22:49+00:00

"I'm on my period" is either a shit test (is he alpha enough to read between the lines and know I'm lying, or better yet, not care?) or a comfort test (does he like me for more than sex?).

Either way, the failure came when you failed to either kick her out (I don't get sex, you don't get my time) or fuck her regardless of her "period" (idgaf about your period, we're fucking).

When you failed (showed weakness) she went in for the kill (open up to me more!).

LtCmdrFlexPlexico · 2015-06-26T23:27:52+00:00

All of that could have been avoided had you decided to raft the red river. I have done so countless times and noticed that the girls are even more into it once they know I am. It is not gross nor is it dirty. It just is and they love it

infinitywithin · 2015-06-27T01:14:47+00:00

I'm too new at this to give any meaningful advice myself, but I want to hear what some of the TRP pros think of the moment she showed up without calling. Was that a power play or shit test? Is that an opportunity to establish boundaries, even if it means sending her away instead of fucking her?

SpeakNoTruths · 2015-06-27T01:32:46+00:00

Being an emotional person is not necessarily a negativism. It becomes such only when you are unable to control it. For example: my mother died when I was quite young, and as a result I am much more affectionate towards women than the average dude who sleeps with a decent amount of women. I am also very introspective and comfortable with my own flaws (while working on them, of course), which is also something I am open about. This may or may not have contributed to me losing a FWB, I cannot say, but the point is it fits into my IDGAF attitude, and my desire to have as good a time as possible with the women I fuck.

Don't hide from your emotions, make them a part of your frame.

Demonizerwarden · 2015-06-27T02:44:00+00:00

as a newbie I'm trying to understand what you did wrong. What exactly did you say that broke your frame and what would you say in the situation if it happened again (if you can remember)

-Universe- · 2015-06-27T05:30:15+00:00

and after a while I open up emotionally.

What exactly did you do? Can you give some details?

redditnosleep · 2015-06-26T21:41:53+00:00

One single advice that will work the best. Stop giving a fuck. Stop analyzing. If it doesn't work out, no big deal ur still the man.

kranos33 · 2015-06-26T21:55:48+00:00

You didn't do anything wrong, she is dating multiple people, and you are one of the dicks she is having. She probably got a better offer somewhere else, and moved on.

I was in a very similar situation last month. I didn't do anything wrong, yet the thing started fading. I knew (as a gut feeling) that while she got physical with me fast, she was not open emotionally and probably dating other people.

She is the nice/quiet/smart type, but that doesn't make her less promiscuous. These types tend to do it very stealthy, and they can fool you easy as being a "good girl", which they are not.

LetsGoAllTheWhey · 2015-06-26T21:47:40+00:00

I don't get why she lied about being on her period, and then admitting that she lied. What did she have to gain by that?

TekkomanKingz · 2015-06-27T14:21:48+00:00

I think this is a little extreme. What you should be focusing on is if being temporarily emotionally available for just 1 hour out of the hundreds you've probably spent together is enough to blow the attraction out - You have a Woman who the foundation was not strong enough to begin with or the chemistry wasn't solid, etc.

It is not possible for a Man to be emotionless 24/7/365. And you will slip up, it's up to you to find a Woman who shares a deep enough connection with you beyond the superficial to keep her hamster in check and be able to overlook the occasional failure. The definition of frame maintenance has become way too unrealistic for most Men to achieve.

The times in which I broke frame when I was very young and inexperienced took repeated instances to kill the fire. One time was usually overlooked and my friend's experiences indicated the same. Well this was back in 2004-2005 so that's one factor obviously. So I'm not sure of the variable differences here whether it be the increased intensity of feminist brainwashing over the past 10 years causing lower tolerances for a Man's emotions or perhaps like I said before, the Women you are choosing simply possess no deeper levels to them. Just a hamster, a few layers of superfluous "sophistication" and nothing more.

Personally I haven't felt "sad" or "depressed" in many years the main emotions I feel are the occasional anger and blood thirst inducing rage. And I highly doubt that getting angry and violent is considered "breaking frame" per se when it comes to Women because obviously it's in their primal best interest to be with a Man who is capable of violence to protect them. So you could be having a chemical problem involving a lack of Testosterone?

scotttherealist · 2015-06-27T14:32:59+00:00

Just because no one else has mentioned it: every single time I've experienced a girl lying about her period, it's been because she recently had a different lover.

bsutansalt · 2015-06-27T15:06:29+00:00

Removed. Message me once you follow the format guidelines here:

http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3a0135/announcement_new_thread_requirements/

blackhornatnight · 2015-06-26T23:08:08+00:00

You weren't an emotional bitch. She had feelings for you and she wanted to know if you had feelings for her. You had anxiety because you didn't know how to express yourself, not the fact that you did express yourself. What you said probably reassured her and that is why she wanted to have sex. However, you were not comfortable with your own emotions, and you got limp dick, and she noticed your reticence, not the fact that you shared your emotions with her. She knew you weren't comfortable with yourself and with her. It confused the shit out of her. You confused the shit out of yourself.

Next time own up to how you are feeling and be honest. You could of said you liked her too and you liked how things were going - then fucked her. She didn't need a long speech. She just wanted to be reassured. She didn't know how to communicate either, thus why she said she was on her period. That was just an excuse. What she really wanted to say was that she was developing feelings for you and she wanted you to feel the same way before she had sex again.

The biggest fuck up is not that you shared your emotions, but that you couldn't get your dick up afterwords. That was the biggest insult to her. Despite what you said, the fact that you couldn't get your dick up afterwords was all she needed to know how you really felt.

Title	[FR] Lost Frame Once and It's Over
Author	Majerep1
Upvotes	77
Comments	73
Date	June 26, 2015 6:06 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3b7wid/fr_lost_frame_once_and_its_over/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/fr-lost-frame-once-and-its-over.34110 https://theredarchive.com/post/34110

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