I am married- going on 11 years now, 3 kids, solid job, and 10 months into finding TRP.

/u/usealteamaus requested a bit of an update. So here goes.

Tl;dr of past posts: Realized my marriage sucked, I was a weak ass man, and my life was shit. Got on the redpill and started seeing immediate results in my life/marriage. Still married.

Physicality

Lifting is harped on here so dang much I hate to add to the pile. BUT the #1 most important aspect of getting my life back together has been working out. I have lost a shade of fat BUT I have gained so much muscle definition, strength, energy, drive, focus, etc etc etc. I started with stronglift 5x5, added Muay Thai, and switched from 5x5 to crossfit. My muscles pop. I love it. It feels fantastic. I have only lost a few pounds (5'10 From 245 to 239- my highest ever was 255 2-3 years ago) BUT I have gained noticeable muscles, veins popping on the forearms etc. My goal weight is around 200 but I am not too worried about rushing there. As I want to look like a mean ass mutherfucker when I hit that weight.

I am starting to feel on the outside how I feel on the inside. A strong ass man. It is so much better than how I felt before. Weak, tired, unhappy with how I looked but with no drive to get better. TRP helped kick my ass into gear and lifting provided the initial strong results I needed to start developing my ability to maintain frame.

The wifey loves the muscley me. As sex has increased. More on that later.

The outward physical changes are very important. But the inner self- the drive, motivation, strength, is so dang important to. Especially if you have to be on 24-7 like you are in an LTR or marriage. There are no shortcuts. I have read a few folks around here saying something like "I lift, I developed game, and now I bang chicks but still don't feel whole/happy/whatever." I have worked hard at developing my inner strength. Tackling harder tasks at work. Expanding my skill set and knowledge base through research, reading, documentaries, asking questions of smarter people etc. So my outer and inner self are congruent. Its feel wonderful.

Relationship with the wife

My wife is a verbal processor and used to use me for every damn decision in her life. From what to wear, when to shower, which friend to call etc etc etc. To the point I was just plain sick of listening to her drone on and on and on and on about everything. Since TRP- she has noticed that I have gotten my life together. I have my shit handled. I rarely go to her for help of any kind (very important- to be a true Alpha male you have to take care of yourself, your shit and your life.)

So she started to take more control of her own decisions. It seems backwards. I became a stronger person, more in control of my life, and smarter about how I spend my time. So she does the same. To give an example, my wife is just shitty on her period. Its horrendous. She has even said the great feminist thing "I have no control over my emotions now and you just need to deal with it in order to have me!" Stupid. I mentioned to her a couple times that her behavior was not okay when PMSing and she should see a doctor to get that shit under control. Skillfully so as not to create arguments of course. She finally (probably 2 years after first saying something) found some supplements and diet changes that are stabilizing her mood.

Its funny, the more I handle my own shit. The more she strives to match and handle her own.

One aspect that I have found to be infinitely helpful is I do not share with her when I am having a rough day, time, whatever. I used to. And I now see that she saw that as extreme weakness. I forget what topic it was, but I complained about something work related and she went into super helper mode. Just droning on and on about what I could do and how I could change etc etc. Like she used to. I let her go on for a minute, realizing I dropped frame and let her back into my weaknesses, until I just said "I'll handle it." and we changed the subject. Its a tough realization that my wife is not there to support me. But I have moved on and enjoy relying on myself for everything. Its much more satisfying.

So I am working hard on not entering arguments, taking care of my own stuff, and watching as she makes changes around me. Its fascinating.

Still married?

I thought we were going to divorce. I had started putting money aside, gathering a plan, etc. But I realized I was not at a point where I could run full dread game in our relationship. Subtle here and there, yes. But full dread? Not yet. It would not have the intended effect therefore I was not ready to walk away from our marriage. If I did- the marriage ending would be 100% my fault. I am giving it a chance. Playing the long game. I have young kids (2 in elementary one in preschool) so I want to give our relationship a chance to develop. And give myself a chance to increase SMV and develop into a very solid man. At that point, we will see.

Hard stuff

Life isn't all roses and butterflys. The area where I lose frame the most is with my kids on the weekends. When everyone is healthy, the weather is nice, etc, we can have tons of fun all weekend and life is fine. When a kid is sick or its just to nasty to run around outside- the kids tend to get whinny as hell. And a few hours of little kids whinning is torture enough to get anyone to confess. I am working on maintaining frame all weekend long. Trying to plan out the weekends better and take time to calm myself to continue maintaining frame all day everyday.

The other area that is tough is SEX. Yup. We used to be once a monthers. For the first 10 years of marriage we averaged LESS than once a month. Oh god. My wife had some shitty pregnancies and I once went 9 months. 9 whole months. Wow. That's when I gained most of my weight actually. From stress, and life just being sucky.

Now? We have more sex for a few weeks of the month. And none for a good 1-2 weeks. I can pretty much set my watch to it now. If the wife is not 80-100% in the mood- its hard to work the married life game and get busy with it. It used to be if she wasn't 100% in the mood. So progress. Still working on how to get the tingles at full tilt all month long. Getting there.

Side note: We have made friends with a new group of couples with kids. And I just laugh at the sheer blue pillness of the guys. Most of their wives are out of shape- except the dude who actually works a trade and is a mans man. They are there to please the wife... and phew its tough to watch. I have enough redpill type dudes at the gym I hang with- so this is interesting to watch as we get to know these others couples and I can watch the dynamic unfold. interesting to say the least. It keeps me working hard as I see what my past was like and what my future could be if I get content.

Tl;dr rambled a bit.