FR: Very basic 10 second interaction that would have been completely different for me just a few months ago.

Fyrjefe · 2017-10-31T14:43:22+00:00

Many people here are missing the forest through the trees over your field report. Going, "that's so cringe!" (what does that mean?), or "you should have just..." is missing the fact that you had a big revelation on attitude. You're starting to take control of how you want to engage in a situation. Not how anyone else wants you to, not even the frequenters of TRP. Tomorrow the next event like this could be at a coffee shop. And because you consciously did something today, you're building toward a habit that people will grow to respect.

You're not an asshole.

You're not a nice guy.

You're just being you in the best way you see fit.

Triadis3 · 2017-10-31T08:08:21+00:00

Q - Were you a dick?

A - Who cares?

What's that cologne? DNGAF?

Kudos for lifting, kudos for dilligaf. Take that pill, crush it up, and snort that shit.

Aktiv8r · 2017-10-31T13:54:45+00:00

You did fine, ignore most of these comments. Could you have done better? Sure, we all could, all the time. But like you said, this is an improvement from a few months ago. That's a win in my book.

do it because you want to, not because you think people around you will judge you if you don't.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

basedmattnigga7 · 2017-10-31T10:14:41+00:00

"That'll be 20$"

"For that price I better get your mother's cunt."

Then run. Alpha as fuck

FlipFlopsNPingDrops · 2017-10-31T06:54:31+00:00

I think you are overthinking this kinda basic situation a little too much.

NibblyPig · 2017-10-31T08:09:08+00:00

Bit cringey, A&A would have been better. Wise to ignore that idiot though.

"$5? If you want my number you should be paying me."

ohyesimthatguy · 2017-10-31T14:47:23+00:00

What was your upbringing like? I am in therapy post divorce (male therapist who I like a lot). He lent me this book "Drama of the Gifted Child" (it's not about being gifted per se). Anyway, he gave it to me because he asked why I felt guilty about all sorts of dumb shit (for example, dumping this crazy chick I should not have banged just because of how crazy she was, even though I was totally straightforward and honest with her). Basically, I told him that it was "beaten into me" from a young age that I always had to be last and put everyone ahead of me. I hesitated at "beaten", but if I'm being honest, it was beaten into me. I was slapped, spanked and hit ALL THE TIME from before I can remember (not to mention put down and derided for my opinions, actions and preferences by both parents). Anyway, the book really put something into perspective: for many of us, our parent (in my case, my mother primarily) didn't parent us. They used us to fulfill their selfish desires. If my Mom was in a shit mood and I was in a happy mood, she would knock me down a peg (I was a tiny little child, she could have killed me if she wanted, I had no way to escape the emotional roller coaster that was forced upon me). If my Mom got uncomfortable and I wasn't uncomfortable, she'd punish me to ensure she had company. I was literally never allowed to develop a healthy frame. I think this was my mother's "revenge" for the men she perceived as treating her badly before she had me (she said some shit like this to me even at that young age about how men are bad and shit). This is not a joke. This is the terrible upbringing I had. I have ADHD and borderline OCD (I've had those behaviors since at least 4th grade, but I now realize that it's real). When I started therapy I was an alkie and a nervous, neurotic wreck. I'm doing much, much better. Working out a bit, lost a bunch of weight, returned to my hobbies after my divorce, look good, feel good.

One thing I'm really struggling with is developing a "frame". I have my own frame, but its weak and I let anyone take over. I was never allowed to develop a real frame in adolescence or before and I'm realizing now that I didn't really develop it very well afterwards either. I instinctively react; instinctively laugh when its expected, smile when expected, respond when expected. I can still feel my mothers outstretched hand ready to strike if I don't respond correctly. I was raised like a dog with a newspaper and it fucked me up. It's not like I'm fucked up in the "oh woe is me, I'm so unhappy" way. I'm fucked up in that I find it VERY hard to develop healthy behavior patters. I find it extremely difficult to control my emotions in the heat of the moment or to even just do whatever I want without kowtowing to others I don't even care about. I literally still have my flinch mechanism built in ready to be struck if I don't respond correctly. Even on the playground or playing with other kids, my mom was always watchful, and I would be punished if I weren't giving enough, generous enough, act the right way. My mother never acted like a respectable female and never got respect from men because of it. When she had an unplanned child at a young age (me), she consciously or subconsciously decided to force me to be the person she could never force anyone else in the world to be (a neurotic shell ready to just embody her feelings for that moment). And, it fucked me up good! The truth is I don't give two shits about your bad joke or whatever stupid thing you do to get a rise out of me. I'm just reacting because I'm a dog who's been conditioned since birth with the newspaper. How do I get to the place where I develop my frame and hold it, despite my instincts to flinch and cater to others?

zenguyva · 2017-10-31T14:41:53+00:00

It's all good. I probably would have interacted with the girl. After all she worked there and was just trying to be funny (and you did say she was cute). The guy was trying to be a dick (probably some "mine is bigger than yours BS")

40210 · 2017-10-31T09:04:38+00:00

this is cringe to be honest.

just look at it from another perspective, while you think you were ultra alpha ignoring them "don't give a fuck" headass, they were thinking you were probably autismo.

sorry buddy, the people who sit at the front desk are literally being paid to greet you lol

red_reality · 2017-10-31T15:40:18+00:00

Excellent illustration of solid frame. Excellent breakdown in how YOU determined your appropriate response. Anything outside of what you felt you should do, is what everyone else would have felt you should do. This is exactly where alpha and beta split.

Embrace that feeling and embrace your individuality. And fuck unfunny, unwitty tool bags; they're everywhere.

empatheticapathetic · 2017-10-31T17:26:14+00:00

Imagine you're sleep deprived. You don't have the energy to entertain people. Now take on that frame. Sounds stupid but it's something I've realised recently when working nights and ending up in that state. I put up with less shit from everyone, because I don't have time. Shit gets done.

jttjt · 2017-10-31T10:53:34+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Kennigmatic · 2017-10-31T17:44:37+00:00

I can relate to what you're saying. Lately I've been adamant about forcing smiles on people just for the sake of being courteous. It makes me feel like shit after.

I've realized people don't give a shit about you! They're more concerned about whether what they're saying or doing, is getting the approval that they need.

Picking up on this and consciously forcing myself to refrain from such acts have slowly started to become second nature.

I was out this past Saturday with my fwb and her girl friends. Wore this black t-shirt with a skeletal middle finger. Walked passed a bunch of girls and heard them say, 'ooh nice shirt'... Heard it but I didn't give a rats ass and couldn't bring myself to say thank you coz I was in a IDGAF state (alcohol induced).

So I slightly turn my head, paused for a second and flipped them off! Then kept on walking. Their reactions was hilarious.

Lmao, now when I think about it, it felt really good. But in the moment, I was like, wtf? Why are these people bothering me, ugh.

Happened again inside this bar. Was sitting next to my fwb, kinda zoned out. This girl pulls up next to me, leans down and asks me where I got my shirt from. Blatantly ignored her coz I did not feel like engaging her.

The tension was palpable. The random girl was still standing there lol, and I could feel my fwb stare at me...then seconds later since I didn't react, she yells over the noise to the girl, "oh, he got it on Amazon"...

Tl; dr... You can be an 'asshole', ignore women (or men, no homo) if you don't feel like talking to them, flip a bunch of girls off and nothing bad is gonna happen. In fact it makes them want you more and you feel much better about yourself. Weird.

ownthatshitmanup · 2017-10-31T13:40:21+00:00

They would have just thought you were a retard. What is going on with this place.

omega_dawg93 · 2017-10-31T14:33:20+00:00

you need to master... i mean MASTER the smirk.

you could have used it on her for the $5 comment and on the guy... not saying a word to either and still coming off as not giving a single fuck.

btw, alpha isn't a look... it's a mindset and demeanor. he could have been a 6-3 muscled-up beta that was kissing her ass... just to sniff her ass.

fewer words are good... but NO WORDS literally tell them, "i don't exist to this dude."

ExposeThisBitchPls · 2017-10-31T10:53:59+00:00

You’re overthinking. I would have actually just played into by saying something like “make it $35 and you’ve got a deal” it shows you aren’t taken back by minuscule jokes that aren’t even directed at belittling you.

DoomzDayTurkey · 2017-10-31T08:48:52+00:00

What did you read/learn to give you this insight. I'm trying to find good books to stop this approval seeking behavior and become a man.

greatslyfer · 2017-10-31T16:28:32+00:00

Yea I get what you mean when an idiot makes a joke and they expect you to laugh cause they think they're some big shot, and you just wanna tell them to fuck off.

Thing is, how do you do it without looking like a square and maybe even escalating the situation? Cause I feel like if I said that in some situations, some dickhead would escalate it and things would get a bit annoying.

TheStumblingWolf · 2017-10-31T16:34:06+00:00

I think this post speaks to the greater picture. To me these types of moments are what makes everything worth it. The knowledge you'd have acted like a tool if the same thing happened just months ago. Often I feel like I'm stuck or something and a moment like this happens and I realized I never stand still.

NasiYaAhki · 2017-10-31T17:42:24+00:00

The interaction did sound pretty cringy but for a former "People pleaser" to not fall into the frame of others automatically is good progress.

blackedoutfast · 2017-10-31T17:59:22+00:00

that dude probably went home and posted some long ass rant on an incel forum about how chads are such assholes.

but yeah i know what you mean about just completely ignoring people. i'm normally pretty extroverted and social and all, but ffs people say the dumbest shit sometimes.

a_strategos · 2017-10-31T15:40:59+00:00

I am not a heavy user here, but I don't really see the problem in joking with people and being friendly. If that guy was purposely trying to assert himself over you, yeah okay, ignore... If he was being friendly, then I do not see being an asshole as the best solution

TheRedPillMonkey · 2017-10-31T15:36:10+00:00

Nice work. Next time, I'd recommend you'd steal the frame.

G. That will be $5

U. Ignore her

B(ro). That'll be $20

U. Ignore him

B. I said, that'll be $20

U. $20? She just said $5. What are you offering that she's not offering? I didn't realize you offer 'those' services, but you're not my type. And can't you see I'm trying to give a girl my phone number here? Be a bro!

G. Giggle " all set".

U. Wink and walk away.

Or something more like that. Take his frame from him and make it yours. That's how you establish alpha.

UnpluggedGoku · 2017-10-31T14:04:14+00:00

"That'll be 20$" Will the services include a blowjob as well? Muahaha.

2017-10-31T14:10:21+00:00

Kneecap to the balls for the dick licking meathead

unptitdej · 2017-10-31T17:19:44+00:00

Why not answer with a confident smile. This is the gym, i'm having a blast, everyone is my friend.

Rams3y_bronx · 2017-10-31T17:49:47+00:00

Bro wtf are you talking about. You just came out as boring nothing else nothing more... I get that you feel empower for choosing not to talk, but that's just idiotic. Moreover, you shouldn't even be thinking of that small interaction at all. 😑

ahoooley · 2017-10-31T17:01:27+00:00

Lul this is some omega cringe op. U spent more effort ignoring the dude than u would on any other interaction. Such a cringeworthy impression to leave

DrHolz · 2017-10-31T14:59:50+00:00

This DGAF attitude is cool but you don't have to act like an autismo. People who sit at the front desk greet the customers, make jokes and what not, because it's their job. Alpha behavior isn't being rude to everyone, in fact most alphas are comfortable in their own skin, so they don't have to do anything weird to prove a point.

In any scenario, just imagine how RDJ or Arnold Schwarzenegger or Dwayne Johnson will react. Will they act like autismos or just smile and continue doing what they were doing.

I was exactly like this before TRP, that's why i know how cringy that it. Just because something is different doesnt mean it's better. It's okay, you'll learn if you socialize more.

Taco_Truck_Aficionad · 2017-10-31T13:22:33+00:00

The alpha thing to do would have been to told that dude "Shut the fuck up, bitch. Ain't nobody talking to you."

What's he going to do? Fight you at the gym? I doubt it.

Title	FR: Very basic 10 second interaction that would have been completely different for me just a few months ago.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	153
Comments	68
Date	October 31, 2017 5:54 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/79tv0s/fr_very_basic_10_second_interaction_that_would/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/fr-very-basic-10-second-interaction-that-would.46864 https://theredarchive.com/post/46864

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