My god the words that are pouring out of my latest plate's mouth. The unashamed display of all the tickets she bought at the fair to ride on the Cock Carousel... so much fun, wheeeeeee!

"And you know what, some was just one night things but I give myself completely every time anyway because that's just what I do".

Another dream shatters. Another absent father strikes again... in his absence.

The Fucking (adjective) Unicorn

This girl has made our time together great. Submissive, beautiful, pleasing, affectionate and worships the ground that I walk on.

The purity that she exudes, the gentle femininity she shares with me every time we see each other. That such a creature can be anything else than a unicorn seems foreign to me.

Yet here we lie in post-love sweat and steam and racing hearts and the things this girls starts telling me confirms what we sometimes wish wasn't so.

"Okay let me show you some photos. Okay, wait... next, next, next... I didn't date these guys so they don't really count".

That's how this conversation starts. I didn't even ask anything about ex's because I don't fucking care.

The Fucking (verb) Unicorn

"Okay so this guy was 35, and I'm only 21 so I should probably have known better. You know, I used to sleep over at his place pretty much every night for 3 months before he stopped replying to my texts."

Uhm.. riiiight. Why is she telling me this? I don't want to know about her past yet, so now carrying the knowledge that she was the on-call orgasm release for another guy kinda turns her into one of the much less cute ponies.

"Then before him there was this guy".

She shows me the photo.

"Hahaha look how ugly he is! Haahahahahaha! Anyway, yeah, we had something on but he didn't want to get serious either."

It starts to sink in slowly: can I really, really just be the next cock at the carousel? Under my breath I whisper "fuck you, Red Pill, why are you doing this to me?" The pony becomes even less loving.

And not even having processed half of that thought the next inevitability strikes me: how long until she becomes as needy and clingy with me as she was with the previous guys? I start to look for the exit...

"Oh wait no I don't have to show you this guy, not this guy... and not this one.... and no... haha look at this guy, looks like a fucking retard, he's so short and he only has one eye! Hahahaha! No, HIM I definitely friend zoned after considering it for a while."

After considering it for a while?! Jesus Christ woman, do you have absolutely no fucking standards?! This guy is literally the dictionary definition of a neckbeard bridge troll and you had to take anything longer than a split second to decide where you are going to slot him in?

Red pill knowledge starts flooding back. Despite his looks putting him very low in the SMP, women frequently don't screen on looks alone as men does. They still allow room to screen a guy based on his personality and other non-visible traits before deciding in which box he goes... friend zone, BB, AF...

Doesn't matter though. I feel my respect for her drop through the floor. That it even had to be any form of a conscious consideration on her part is just fucking off-putting.

My left testicle begins to pain a little bit, probably a mini sperm-riot taking place in revolt against my recent actions of shooting their brothers all over her body a few minutes earlier. They are angry because my high quality product has been spilled on somebody who can't pay for it.

If this is where her "no sex" cut-off line is, then what the actual fuck am I even doing with this bitch? As far as value goes, I am becoming more confident than ever that I must be at least 4 points above any other guy she's been with. I start to feel a little more than upset about this and don't really want to touch her right now.

She goes on about another guy and I just cut her off.

"I don't think we know each other well enough yet, let's leave it for another day."

As I lie there in shock and disgust I also realize how much I shouldn't be either of those. All contributors to TRP have tried to prepare us for this reality for years and here I see it play out in front of my eyes, but it's quite something else to read something and then experience the same.

Fucking unicorns, all the same. And it's then that I realize: there is only one type of fucking (adjective) unicorn: the fucking (verb) unicorn type. Time to put this ridiculous notion behind me now. I've seen enough, wake the fuck up already.

TL;DR

Biologists confirm* only one genus of unicorns exists. If you are lucky enough to be fucking (verb) a unicorn, know that you found a Fucking (verb) unicorn.

* sarcasm, for the spergs