Fundamental Problems with the IDGAF Mentality

volvofixplease · 2016-12-03T23:26:18+00:00

The IDGAF mentality is here to curb emotional pain when an obvious 3/10 thinks she is the same value as you as a human even though you give everything out of yourself and she just exists.

What I'm trying to say is, if your work hard and someone wjo doesnt shits on you, use IDGAF.

Manonamission2221 · Sun Dec 4 0:10:42 2016 UTC

I either win or I learn. IDGAF which and I don't discount rejection or failure. I learn from it and grow and improve. This is my journey for me.

ChristianRedpill · 2016-12-04T19:58:20+00:00

This post is misguided. ZFG/IDGAF is not in any way hostile towards others. It just means I don't seek or need validation from anyone else male or female. This is part of having very strong frame. It's that simple.

privacythrowaway2003 · 2016-12-04T03:15:15+00:00

Just because you have the IDGAF mentality, doesn't mean that you don't try to learn from experiences.

IDGAF, is a simple way to teach guys that being rejected is not the end of the world. I would argue as well, that if you are just opening girls at a club. Yes, you would want to be aware of what body language, and posture you are portraying. However, you should truly not give a fuck if a girl turns you down.

There is a fine line that is walked between the pussy pedestal and IDGAF mentality.

trippinallday · 2016-12-03T23:43:29+00:00

The IDGAF mentality implies that you're not some sperg with 0 life experience. If you know what you're supposed to be doing and it doesn't work out the first time you try it, you go do it again because fuck it, as opposed to getting emotionally invested.

The bigger picture is that you should have as little investment in stuff as possible if you want to enjoy your life. You and everyone around you is dying slowly and will be gone forever in less than 100 years. So why would you be invested in anything at all? You're caring about and prolonging something inevitable, so all you're doing is causing cognitive dissonance and emotional pain.

Do what you want and enjoy it, you've only got one life. Clocks ticking.

[deleted] · 2016-12-03T23:52:25+00:00

Maybe I just interpret the mentality differently. When I say I don't give a fuck, it means that I don't dwell on things, or feel bad or sorry for myself, or let what other people think of me stop me from doing what I want to do. That doesn't mean I can't still evaluate myself, see what I'm doing wrong, and make myself a better person because of it. It just means if I crack a bad joke and the whole room goes quiet, I can shake it off and not put a second thought towards it or stop me from cracking the next potentially bad joke. The mentality basically says "I am who I am. Take it or leave it, I'm not going to change for you or anybody else but myself"

Ciaccoo · 2016-12-04T01:03:01+00:00

Not giving a fuck simply means not caring. Caring is an emotion. The DGAF attitude is just not letting your emotions dictate your behavior.

SkorchZang · 2016-12-04T14:17:30+00:00

No, fuck this "Become Great" shit, and here's why. There's no need to over-think and overcomplicate and Aspergify anything that the men are saying here to other men. IDGAF is just that. It's simple, you learn it, you apply. Life goes on. You immediately re-balance and re-adjust, it does not take extra effort or thought. It is absolutely natural for a man to give zero fucks; it has to be ironed out of you growing up, that took serious brainwashing to do. Going back to it is a piece of piss, you instantly understand what IDGAF means.

That's why I don't need any extra theories about IDGAF, and want to suggest you don't either.

And I IDGAF if somebody stays up at night worrying that IDGAF is "toxic", I guess that's their business of becoming epic RP theoreticians. My business is just keep on keeping on, doing more of what works and less of what doesn't.

Mckallidon · 2016-12-04T05:10:35+00:00

One can easily learn from mistakes and give zero fucks about it happening. My IDGAF thinking/feeling is basically rooted in the fact that shit happens. If it was in your control, learn from it. If it was unavoidable, accept and focus on what you do control. It's about the optimism amount of time reflecting on the essential and being focused forward.

Frenetic_Zetetic · 2016-12-04T09:50:11+00:00

The amount of over-simplification regarding RP terms by newer members is getting a bit out of control.

If you can't discern the difference between IDGAF and conscious reflection of mistakes (something you should be doing anyway), you might need more help than you know.

What we don't need is fuel for more people to straw man RP theory by.

u_are_mad · 2016-12-04T11:41:20+00:00

The solution to this whole problem is to be fully engaged, but fully detached. The IDGAF mentality is an oversimplification, so there isn't a yes or no answer to whether or not you should "give a fuck".

In order to have the most fun and get the best results in anything in life, you should be fully engaged in the process of trying to win, but you shouldn't be attached to the outcome. Attachment to the outcome, or outcome dependence, causes performance-reducing anxiety. Also, when you don't get the desired outcome (you lose, get rejected, etc.), it causes sadness. Instead of feeling bad over a loss (attachment to outcome), you should focus on why you lost and how you can improve for next time (engagement in the process).

Obviously you would rather get your desired outcome. In that sense, you give a fuck. But when you look at the bigger picture, you realize that loss doesn't matter. You win some, you lose some, and if you try your best you maximize your wins. In that sense, you don't give a fuck that you lost. This concept is explained in detail here, and I highly recommend you watch it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWaDDCjuM0w

chedder · 2016-12-03T23:47:49+00:00

I feel there needs to be balance over anything. One aspect of Buddhism I really appreciate is the focus on letting go of attachments while remaining just as engaged, passionate and loving. It's a difficult thing for sure and it takes most a life time to learn to properly balance passion/caring with letting go and stepping back.

Everything comes to an end, even a lasting happy perfect marriage were you become old and grown senile together but still love each other to bits.

Don't get jaded, don't give up, but don't become obsessive and never be afraid to let go and move on. This applies to everything, not just romantic relationships but jobs, careers, telephone companies, ect, ect.

miser1 · 2016-12-04T06:19:03+00:00

The IDGAF mentality is often recommended, but in reality there's a big caveat to it. There are many things it's appropriate to GAF about - your values, lifestyle, goals and so on. If these things become threatened, you can avoid your ego being hurt by saying IDGAF, but with these things you absolutely should GAF - exactly to the extent to which they're justifiably important to you.

But, for beginners that's a problem for another day. In the beginning, the problem is caring too much, often about trivially having one's feelings hurt. In that case, cultivating an IDGAF mentality is the correct prescription, and the nuance comes later.

OgreMcGee · 2016-12-04T06:24:08+00:00

I don't think that IDGAF is anything like a sour-grapes-scenario: its not some sort of post-hoc rationalization of whatever you did as perfectly fine.

Its living life with a pre-acceptance of the outcome that occurs: learning from your mistakes is possible but getting upset after something has already transpired and is irreversible seems silly in that light.

RenaissanceMan79 · 2016-12-04T08:17:36+00:00

I never took DGAF to mean don't learn from your mistakes. It's about being emotionally indifferent and completely reactionless to shit tests and rejections. IMO this makes you more able to learn from the experience since you aren't clouded with anger or disappointment.

iamneptuno · 2016-12-04T08:43:56+00:00

IDGAF, aside from being self contradictory to the point of not making any sense, is a very bad advice in general. If you feel like coughing, you should cough. If you feel like feeling, you should feel. If you cough too much, improve your health.

Oh, and while I'm on it, faking till making is shining crapshit.

Ascended_One · 2016-12-04T09:18:18+00:00

This is a good post that addresses what I personally began to call "the paradox of not giving a fuck".

Basically what can happen is that your IDGAF levels become so high that you stop improving altogether, because your state is so ok with anything that there's suddenly no need to improve anything. My game got actually a bit worse temporarily after internalizing the IDGAF attitude, until I figured this thing out ;p

NightwingTRP · 2016-12-04T17:38:07+00:00

Anything in extremes is a bad idea... this is such a pointless post.

redpill_llipder · 2016-12-04T21:23:50+00:00

I always thought of the IDGAF attitude more like having a really good poker face. It's good in the long run if you have good self esteem and are secure in yourself so you genuinely don't feel bad when you get rejected but until then feel whatever you want, just don't show it. The poker face mentality also helps guard against stagnation by not limiting the desire to win at all. It's not "I don't care about how this interaction goes." It's "I still want the best outcome, but I can control my reaction to whatever happens."

9-2-6 · 2016-12-03T22:40:03+00:00

Indeed, I very much agree with this. By incorporating this mentality into your life, it allows you to be critical of yourself. Which in in both short and long term lead to self-improvement.

Randomshortdude · 2016-12-04T08:11:36+00:00

If this is in response to the thread I made, you missed the point.

I've never told anyone to "not give a fuck". I simply stated people "care too much" and it's true.

Always care about things, but put those things in perspective.

People who "don't give a fuck" are losers because you need to give a fuck to get things done and be a man of accomplishment.

Edit: I can't say you've misinterpreted anything because maybe you have seen that mentality but I wanted to clear up my personal philosophy.

TheLaughingRhino · 2016-12-04T13:14:58+00:00

I see IDGAF as an issue of separating "control"

There are thing I can control. There are things I cannot control.

I can control whether I approach a girl I find attractive. I can control how I choose to approach her and the words I use. What I can't control is how she will respond. I can control how disappointed I might become if she says No.

To me, IDGAF is letting go of the things I cannot control, including other people and how they feel, say and do.

The "separation" allows me to stay active and seek the best version of myself, while being aggressive about it. And lets me accept that failure and rejection is part of the process of learning and gaining opportunity.

When I get rejected, I don't see IDGAF as completely brushing off the rejection. Rejection is never fun. Instead of trying to push away the negative feelings, I've just learned to shorten their impact. Yeah that sucks. A couple of seconds afterwards, then I move on and let it go. At first, the It Sucks part lasted an hour. Then 20 minutes. Then progressively less and less with more exposure and experience.

Rejection is ultimately a casualty of your pride. Letting your pride go ( not your dignity, that's different) is critical for taking risks and putting yourself out there to better yourself.

dilberryhoundog · 2016-12-04T09:25:27+00:00

IDGAF is a hip way of saying one of the quintessential Stoic insights. Read one of the prevailing stoic texts and you should be able to get it.

Title	Fundamental Problems with the IDGAF Mentality
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	37
Comments	39
Date	December 3, 2016 10:29 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/5gc5vc/fundamental_problems_with_the_idgaf_mentality/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/fundamental-problems-with-the-idgaf-mentality.65027 https://theredarchive.com/post/65027

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