How I Text Women

The first thing you need to know about texting is that it is not that important. The game is won and lost in person. If you establish a good emotional connection in person, you can text her pictures of dogshit and still fuck her. But if you did not establish a good connection in person, you can be William Shakespeare over text and it will not matter. You cannot really build attraction over text, so do not waste your time trying to make girls like you over text.

You should text for only two reasons: 1) logistics (setting up a time and place for you to meet her in person) and 2) checking in to make sure the girl does not feel like you are blowing her off.

Women are primarily attracted to a man 1) living an awesome and fun life and 2) who will accept her into that awesome life. You cannot show your life is fun over text, but you can and should make sure she does not feel blown off over text. If the woman is not emotionally invested in you, mothing you say over text will prove to her that your life is fun because the very fact that you took time out of your day to text her about it shows that it was not that much fun. This is why you CANNOT use text to build attraction – the very fact you are texting her is unattractive. If you could not build attraction in person when you met her, it is unlikely you can do so over text. That is why you should primarily use texting to set up in-person meetings.

Some guys use text to build comfort with women who are on the fence about meeting them in person. This sometimes works, but you should generally not waste your time doing this because you should have built comfort in person when you met her. Trying to convince a woman who is iffy about you to meet in person is a low-ROI thing to do and usually fails. That said, there is a small exception for dating apps, where you can engage in a short back and forth to make her feel ok with meeting you in person.

Principles:

Before I get into specifics, here are the general principles that should govern your texting.

1) Texting is a favor you do for women and you should treat it as such. Men do not like texting. Period. Texting is an unwelcome distraction from your amazing life, and you should only provide this service to women who have done something to deserve it. Men want to climb mountains, conquer their enemies, and fuck bitches, not type words into a phone. If you think you enjoy texting, you are lying to yourself - what you are really enjoying is validation from women, and a true alpha male does not need to rely on women for validation. Most importantly, women KNOW that a guy with a fun, exciting life is not going to want to spend all day texting her unless she did something significant to deserve it, which is why they lose respect for guys who text them all day for nothing in return.

Women, on the other hand, love texting because they love attention and texting is free attention. Many women trick men into becoming text buddies but will refuse to even meet their text buddy for a drink, much less sex. These women often act as if they will meet the guy in person “any day now” but keep making excuses for why they cannot meet. That’s bullshit. You must ask her out as quickly as possible, and if she says no after you ask her twice move on. If you go silent and she cares about you at all, she will text you.

2) You should only text women who have done something to deserve it. By “something” I mean tangible, meaningful, physical action, like coming to meet you somewhere, buying you something, or hooking up with you. Flirting, teasing, sending heart emojis, or telling you she likes you is not enough to deserve your textual attention. When you first meet a woman, you can send a “nice to meet you” text, but after that she must provide some tangible benefit to deserve additional textual attention. Again, if she texts you all day but will not come to meet you, feel free to ignore her, no matter what she writes in her texts

The more you do for somebody, the more you emotionally invest in them, so as long as the woman is doing more for you (and hopefully texting you more as well), she will be more emotionally invested than you. But the more you do for her (including texting), the more you will emotionally invest, and women are not attracted to men that are more emotionally invested than they are.

3) Your texts should make her feel like you are a challenge. She should never feel like she has “gotten” you – she must always feel like there is still some more work. Women get more pleasure from the journey than the destination, so once she feels like your “giving” is available to her whenever she wants and the chase is over, she loses attraction. Even if she is deeply emotionally invested in you and doing lots of things for you, if you respond to her favors on a 1-to-1 basis your predictability will turn her off.

To feel like a challenge, you must do the following things: 1) text her a little less than she deserves, 2) say “no” every once in a while, 3) disagree with her, 4) tease her, and 5) act like the answer to whether you like her is always “maybe.” You MUST do at least some of these things. Women evolved to assume all men are beta and obsessed with them, so you only show that you are alpha by affirmatively doing something to show that you are different. I have discussed how to be a challenge in other articles, so please feel free to refer to those.

4) Everything you text must emotionally resonate. Your texts should be either 1) useful, 2) funny, 3) interesting, 4) nice/complimenting or 5) expressing dominance or a challenge (teasing, etc..). Bonus points if all 5. Don’t text shit like “Sup,” “hey,” or “what are you doing?” You should assume 50,000 guys text her every day, so yours need to stand out somehow. And again, you should only send compliments and useful texts if she did something to deserve it. Examples:

Funny & teasing: “Hola Kelly, como estas” (the night we hung out she tried speaking Spanish to the Uber driver)

Interesting & useful: “Hey Kelly, here is a podcast on how the brain works I thought you would like” (send this when you had a conversation about this subject).

Nice & funny: “Hey Kelly, good luck with your family this weekend” (she had to spend all weekend with her family)

5) Texts should give value, not ask for value. Asking her questions, begging her to do things, or just texting shit like “sup” is asking for value because you are asking her to DO something for you, which puts pressure on her. If she is not emotionally invested in you, she has no reason to do shit for you and will be annoyed by your texts.

The giving/taking value distinction is sometimes complicated and depends on how emotionally invested she is. If she is not emotionally invested and you text “hey wanna meet for drinks on Tuesday” you are asking for value. But if she is deeply emotionally invested and wants you to ask her out, you sending a text asking her out is you giving value. It is sometimes hard to determine how emotionally invested she is in you, but a good gauge is how much she has done for you. If she has not done shit for you, assume little emotional investment.

To ensure you are asking for value, your texts should usually not call for a response. The subtext to your texts should be “That’s all I have to say; the ball is in your court.” So instead of texting “hey what are you doing” it would be better to text her and say “hey I saw a dog with sunglasses today” and leave it at that. Both texts accomplish the same function of making her feel not blown off, but the dog text puts less pressure on her to respond.

6) End the conversation first. Generally speaking, the less emotionally invested party in a conversation usually ends the conversation first, and that should be you. If she ends the conversation first it usually means you have worn out your welcome (unless some abrupt thing made her have to stop texting). She should always be wanting more. If you feel like the conversation is dying feel free to end it and pick it back up later. If you do not want to feel like a jerk, you can say “I have a work meeting I have to go to” or “my best friend just showed up.” There are infinite reasons to not text a girl; so long as she doesn’t feel like you are intentionally blowing her off, you do not need to feel bad about ending the conversation.

7) Drop “Hooks.” A “hook” is an inside joke or subject that you and her discuss in person that you later reference in text. Hooks are a great way to build an emotional connection and create subjects for texting. For example, I might text a girl Or I might text a girl and say “hey [GIRL] this is Woujo! It was great to meet you, I’ll text you this week. And can you send me the name of the podcast you were talking about?” Later, I might text her and say “I’ve been listening to X podcast all week! I’m a junkie!”

8) Burn the motherfucker down. Your goal in any text conversation is to burn the motherfucker down. As an attractive guy with lots of options (which you should be and act like), you are trying to figure out as fast possible if she is down to fuck (or at least meet in person) or if you need to next her and move on. You get her number, ask her to hang out, and if she’s not down, you next her. Period. You should act as if you have too many girls for your schedule and you are trying to eliminate some of them by weeding out the duds.

My Cadence

Here is my general cadence for texting. I am not saying this is the best or only way to do it, but it has generally worked for me. You should, however, try out a bunch of different shit to find what works for you.

1. First, build an emotional connection. I generally don’t even ask for her number until we have been talking for at least 20-30 minutes and she seems genuinely excited to hang out with me again. During the conversation you will ideally talk about some future activity you would do (“hey let’s grab a drink sometime”).
2. When I get her number, I text her right then with something like “hey this is Woujo!” I will also say either “great to meet you” or something related to our conversation. If I don’t text her right away, I text her that night while emotions are high.
3. The next day, I text her to ask her out on a date. Some guys wait a day or two to not look too thirsty, but I have found that if you wait too long she may feel like you are not really interested. Also, I am trying to burn the motherfucker down. I will normally say something like “Hey [NAME], let’s meet at X place at Y time. Does that work for you” I usually give her 2-4 days advance notice of the date max. After I invite her out, I might chit chat for 2-3 texts but I don’t draw out the conversation unless she really has something important to say. If the chit goes on for more than 5 texts I tell her that I am busy and I have to go do something.
4. If she rejects the time I proposed with something like “no I’m busy” I will propose an alternative time once and twice at the very most. If she rejects 2 or more invitations without counter-proposing a time, I give up and move on. When women want to go on a date with you, they will either make time for you or they will counter-propose a time.
5. I usually confirm the day before the date with something like “Hey I am looking forward to seeing you at Y place tomorrow!” Some guys wait until the day of the date to confirm. You can try both, but I text the day before because sometimes women are paranoid about getting stood up so if you don’t confirm beforehand they lose interest or freak out. This is especially true if you haven’t spoken to them in a few days.
6. After the date, I text them back the next day with something like “Hey [NAME], it was great to hang out with last night at X place!” I then wait another 2 or 3 days to text her with a new plan. The day after a date I always text in the morning because if you wait until nighttime she may feel paranoid that the date went badly and that you lost interest. Remember, the purpose of text is to make her feel accepted.

Some guys do not text her the day after and instead wait about 2-3 days so that they induce a sort of “dread” in the woman that maybe they weren’t interested in her. Other guys wait for the girl to text them. You can try these methods out as well. I generally think that if the date went well the woman will really want to hear from you and if you bullshit her she will turn against you.

Once we are on a cadence of going on dates or fucking, I occasionally text her as appropriate to make sure she does not feel blown off. I discuss this later in this article.

General Tips

· You should ask her out as quickly as possible. Remember, texting is primarily for logistics, so when you get a phone number your goal is to get her to meet in person.

· Don’t text a woman anything you would be embarrassed to show your friends. If your texts are too corny and cringeworthy to show your friends, they probably are not going to make her pussy wet either.

· Don’t text like a girl. Texting lollipop emojis and shit like “omg lol that is totes hilarious” is not going to make her want to suck your dick. Women like to try to shit test men by feminizing them and you must resist.

· Use proper grammar and punctuation. I have found that texting in a formal, almost businesslike tone produces better results. I send texts like “Hi [NAME]. I hope you had a nice weekend. I am writing to confirm our date at [TIME] at [PLACE]. See you then!” Formal texts show a level of respect, maturity, and class that make you stand out from other guys. It also makes you sound like you have your emotions under control and are not some emotionally unstable creep. Hot girls constantly get texts from creepy guys saying shit like “yo grl wssup.” You should differentiate yourself. And generally speaking, when you have the choice between looking “cool” and upper-class, choose upper-class.

· Feel free to text again ONCE if she doesn’t respond. Sometimes women are busy, in a shitty mood, or genuinely didn’t see your text so it is fine to text again. But if she doesn’t respond after 2 messages move on.

· Don’t get butthurt if girls ignore you over text. Hot girls get tons of texts from guys so yours can get lost in the sauce, especially if you didn’t build a strong emotional connection in person. If a woman ignores you, it is usually not because she doesn’t like you, but because you just didn’t stand out and form an emotional connection. Don’t take it personally. I have had plenty of girls ignore my texts and later fuck me because I was able to reconnect in person. And don’t ever, ever “call a woman out” because she ignored your texts. Never show a woman you are upset, disappointed or angry you didn’t text her back. That’s needy and beta. Don’t do it. If she is actually being shitty and selfish, you need to just move on – you can’t fix an inconsiderate person by yelling at them. And if she ignores you and texts you back a few days or weeks later, act like nothing happened.

· Ignore stupid and crazy texts. Sometimes women shit test men by sending long, crazy, inappropriate texts. Feel free to ignore those. You should never get into an emotional back and forth over text. If the thing she is complaining about has no merit, ignore the text, and if it does have merit, pick up the phone and call her. But you should not be having arguments over text or writing page long texts. It’s just fucking stupid.

Making Sure She Does Not Feel Blown Off

Knowing how much to text a woman to ensure she does not feel blown off is more of an art than a science. I cannot tell you exactly how much and what to text to make women not feel blown off because it is different based on the context of the interaction, the type of person she is, the relationship you are seeking with her, and most importantly, what she has done for you. Your goal is to ultimately text her just enough to make her feel like you are not ignoring her or rejecting her, but also not so much as to make it look like you are sacrificing your awesome life to make her happy.

For example, if you have wild, passionate sex with her all night and she tells you deepest secrets and that she loves you, if you wait a week before you text her again she will probably feel very hurt and angry with you. On the other hand, if you have a weird date where she acts disinterested or like a bitch at the end, you can and probably should not text for a while so as to not look needy or like you tolerate bad behavior. Generally speaking, if you are “dating” or seeking a serious relationship with a woman you should text her somewhat regularly, but if you are just hooking up you should text her much less. And of course, you should not text her at all if she is not meeting you in person.

If I am dating a woman I try to not let 3 or 4 days pass at most without texting her. At the early stages of dating, you probably only seeing her once a week, so it may seem kind of weird to go the whole week without texting her. But again, this is all context-dependent. If I am strictly in a booty call relationship with a woman I might go three months without texting her and then only text her at 3 in the morning.

After You Blow It

Generally speaking, if the text conversation goes cold, you should move on. It just not good for your confidence and mental health to chase girls that are not interested in you. The more you act like a beta, the more your subconscious mind accepts and internalizes that you are a beta, and chasing girls who ignore you is beta. Nevertheless, for the sake of completeness, I will offer some strategies to revive a dead text conversation.

1. Text her three dots. I don’t ever do this, but I have seen a lot of evidence that if a girl ignores you, you can get her to respond by just texting “. . .” I don’t know why this works – it might have something to do with creating uncertainty or dread. I think this is a weaksauce thing to do, but I have to tell you about it.
2. Wait a few weeks. Sometimes you lose a girl over text because you acted too needy and emotionally invested, and this emotional pressure causes her to stop responding. You can sometimes revive these conversations by waiting a few weeks after the emotional pressure has worn off and texting her something lighthearted, preferably related to your hook. You can say “Hey I saw a dog with sunglasses today!” If she responds you then have a brief conversation and end it without asking for anything. By having a new conversation where you don’t ask for anything, you “reset” her image of you as being the needy one. You then text her periodically over the next few weeks and then invite her out again when she sems ready. This rarely works because, as I said earlier, you cannot build attraction over text, but it may work in situations where she was already attracted to you but you just acted a little too needy.
3. Rejecting her. Again, this is not something I do, but if a woman doesn’t respond you can text her back something like “well it looks like you are not interested! Great meeting you!” This works sometimes because it takes you out of the gray area: she either needs to hang out with you or lose you forever. I still think this is a weaksauce move.

If you run into a girl who ignored your texts, say hi and pretend like nothing happened. If she starts to apologize for ignoring your texts, say “oh don’t worry about it, I completely forgot about that.” If she says “let’s hang out” but had previously ignored your texts you can just say “yeah that sounds great, we’ll set something up” but don’t say anything about texting. If she says “text me” just say “sounds great” and don’t text her. You want her to realize you have a limited window and if she misses it then she’s fucked. Sometimes when you make clear she blew her shot (and that’s a big sometimes) she becomes the needy one and starts texting you. But usually it doesn’t. Usually, once you establish yourself as the needy one it is hard to change that. Also, if she ignored your texts in the past don’t ever tell her to text you – that sounds like you are butthurt and just trying to play a game.

My website: http://www.woujo.com