If you are never planning to get married, then stop reading, this is not for you

I'm not saying your girl is a gold digger, but if she is one, a prenup will not save you. But even if your girl is a good one, read on.

I had an interesting conversation with a close friend and his wife last week. My buddy (successful, very RP in some ways) and his wife (I have mix feelings about her) discussed how they got a prenup before they got married. Then we were joined by a family law attorney who gave us some facts about the whole process. If you are thinking marriage, or in the market to get married - take a few notes:

  • Bring up the prenup talk early, rationally, and present it as something that is non-negotiable. Read my previous post about negotiations - it's always better to negotiate one thing at a time. Don't bring it up last minute, 2 months before the wedding, that is just plain dumb (and might invalidate your prenup!).

  • Know the Law!!! - Did you know that in most states, each side must hire and separately pay for an attorney for the prenup to be valid? Do you know if your state is a community property state or not? Are inheritance and gifts included in the prenup, and how are they affected? Get educated before you sign one.

  • One-sided prenups WILL backfire on you - in almost all states - the interests of the family (ie child and mother) will come first. That means that if the judge thinks that the prenup is too one sided - s/he will find reasons to invalidate it. Don't make it too one sided.

  • Fun fact - alimony/child support are determined by the lifestyle and income the family enjoyed during the marriage - regardless of how much you make after it.

  • Prenups exist to make separation less messy, not just to save your fortune - the system of family law court is designed to bring each party to the lowest means of getting what they want. I've seen women accuse the former husband of rape, violence, not being able to perform sexually, theft, and even pedophilia on their own kids. I've seen men bring themselves to bankruptcy so they don't have to pay shit to the wife (men pull the same shit women do - accusation of violence, abuse, infidelity - it's a result of the system). Don't let a judge decide how you will break up. Decide ahead of time. Sidenote - I've got friends whose fathers pulled that shit on their moms. Take a wild guess if they ever forgive their own father for what they did. My buddy ate Rice-a-roni for two years after his father left, that shit never goes away.

  • Divorce without a prenup is expensive. Lawyers have an incentive to make it a long and drawn process - they get paid by the hour. My buddy told me he and they other attorney took 70% of the estate once from a couple in legal fees (estimate estate worth - $450k), simply because the couple fought each other so hard.

And the most important point:

  • Prenup is a financial contract between two people. Reminds you of something? Yep - it's pretty much like a marriage, just the opposite. If you princess refused to sign a prenup - ask her why she wants to get married (as opposed to living together as a couple). Any argument against a prenup can be turned around against a marriage contract as well. They are literally the two sides of the same fucking coin. Let the hamster wheel spin as you flip the argument - it's very amusing.