By now most of us understand a core tenet of building and maintaining female attraction is avoiding oneitis. We know that if we pedestalize a woman and believe she's the only one worth pursuing, we clench up, we overthink, we feel an ambient inner neediness, and when we fail, we take an extra 10 minutes to fall asleep thinking of how we failed with her. We end up with neither her nor the other women in our peripheral, who may be as valuable or morseo. The goal of eliminating oneitis is to eliminate these poor behaviors and feelings, it does NOT mean we can't pursue a primary target. We maintain proper perspective in order to maintain proper action.

When we apply this principal of non-attachment to all aspects of our lives, we find that it maximizes our success in them too.

If we are mentally willing to walk away from any situation, any goal, any relationship, while still aggressively pursuing their improvement, we will constantly act from a place of confidence. When we apply outcome independence to absolutely everything, we take the pressure off of ourselves and grant ourselves more freedom to take calculated risks.

  • With non-attachment to our current jobs, we find that we act more assertively with our superiors and coworkers while simultaneously becoming more fun to be around. We find more respect, we find better results, we find ourselves having an easier time focusing when a tasks demands it, instead of succumbing to pressure or procrastination.

  • With non-attachment to jobs we apply to, we find ourselves interviewing the company more than them interviewing us. We ask them questions we're genuinely interested in knowing answers to, so that we can gauge whether WE want to work for them, instead of making the interaction being centered on their judgment of us. When we negotiate salary, we strengthen our position by being more willing to walk away if it doesn't meet our standards.

  • With non-attachment to our friends, we stop accepting behavior that crosses our personal boundaries. We become more genuine versions of ourselves. We don't hold onto toxic people that use us for ego-enhancement, and we find ourselves surrounded by people who bring value to our lives, whether it's through achieving common goals or sharing similar philosophies.

  • With non-attachment to even our passions, we find ourselves getting into the creative zone with ease. We grant ourselves permission to go for the less obvious solution because it's more fun to try it, even if it fails. We make more interesting choices, we create more original work, we artistically flourish.

The key is to not have our identity overly invested in any one area, to have many irons in the fire. This does NOT mean laziness--to accomplish things, we still must apply ourselves with dedication. But when we don't have oneitis in anything, we find ourselves realizing that some of our goals aren't really worth it or interesting anymore, while some remain as fascinating or even deeper than we imagined.

With less options, we think we can't leave the job, we can't stop devoting 24/7 to making our band famous, we can't do less than 2 workouts a day every day, we can't go 2 nights in a row without trying to pick up women. Failures crush us. The stench of trying-too-hard follows us and repels others away.

When we diversify our interests and the sources of our confidence, we can more accurately assess our progress and adjust time investment accordingly. We have more fun, we have more success, we enjoy every moment, and ALL our relationships blossom.