As far as I know, the first real book about how to meet and pick up women is the Ars Amatoria (The Art of Love), released by the ancient Roman author Ovid in the year 2 (I am not exaggerating, it literally came out in the year 2). In this book, Ovid gives advice similar to what you would see in a modern pick-up artist manual or manosphere blog post: Dress neatly, but don’t look overstyled, compliments should be tailored to her and not sound generic, make the woman feel like she is impressing you rather than you are impressing her, be patient and not too eager, always leave her wanting more, use your emotional intelligence, be persistent because the first rejection is not final, and on and on.

The Art of Love immediately became a best seller in ancient Rome even though the printing press had yet not been invented and books could only be reproduced by being copied by hand. The book also became the talk of Rome, and the Emperor Augustus was so offended by it that he banished Ovid from Rome. Augustus also tried to censor the book, but the book was so popular that it stayed in circulation. The Art of Love has survived to this day in full when many other books written during ancient times have not.

This raises a question I find interesting: If the greatest minds in Western civilization have been trying to figure out how to get laid since the beginning of time, then why are women still such a mystery to men? Why hasn’t society figured it out by now? And most importantly, why do we need yet another book about seduction?

The Art of Love was a good book, except for some parts that were a little rape-y. But the Art of Love ultimately has the same weakness that most books about game have: It gives tips and tricks to get women to like you, but it does not tell you what the core thing that drives womens’ sexual attraction is. More importantly, books like the Art of Love do not explain WHY women want that core thing. This is important because without knowing exactly WHAT women want and WHY they want it, men become circus animals doing tricks without understanding what they are doing and why they are doing it.

For example, a lot of blogs and books about dating say women like assholes, but these materials never explain WHY women like assholes. A man cannot be an asshole every second of the day, but without understanding why women like assholes it is impossible to know when to be nice, when to be an asshole, or even HOW to be an asshole. Are you supposed to give women wedgies and tell them you fucked their sister? Because they do not understand the why behind being asshole, a lot of men act like an asshole in cringy, ham-handed ways, or play stupid games, and instead of being attracted women just see them as being rude, weird, and not interested in them.

Figuring out the core thing that women want has been a challenge. Even though men have been writing books about seduction for more than 2,000 years, there is still no consensus among either men or women about what women want at the deepest level. Some people say women are primarily attracted to men who are tall, good looking, and athletic. Others, however, say that women only care about money, status, and material things like cars and houses. Yet others say that women mostly want guys who are assholes, “mysterious,” or ignore them. Still others say women want confidence, charisma, influence, social skills, and “aura,” whatever that means. And of course, women themselves often say they just want a guy that is nice, treats them well, listens to their problems, and acts protective over them. The list of what people think women like seems to be endless, and nobody seems to be able to even agree on what traits are more or less important.

A major reason game can be confusing for beginners is because it often seems like women want a bunch of random, arbitrary traits that have no relation to each other and sometimes even contradict each other. For example, sometimes it seems like women want guys who are “nice” and sometimes it seems like they want assholes. Which is it? Sometimes it seems like women want men that constantly text and call them and sometimes it seems like they want men who ignore them and act like they do not exist. Sometimes it seems like women want respectable, high-class men and sometimes it seems like they want “bad boys” with neck tattoos and motorcycles. And there are many similar examples. To make things even more complicated, every time somebody says women like a particular thing in a man, you see tons of examples of women rejecting guys that have that thing and going for the opposite. Many guys have told me that they have no idea what to do to be attractive to women and honestly, I don’t blame them.

So what is the thing or thing(s) that drive womens’ sexual attraction? My great discovery, if I have one, is that everything women find sexually attractive is ultimately rooted in a single thing, and that thing is a feeling. The things everybody says women like - good looks, height, money, status, confidence, and so forth - are different manifestations of this feeling, and are attractive because and only because they are related to this feeling.

So what is this feeling? Like any feeling, it is hard to describe in words, but here is my best attempt: Women want a man who feels like he can and does pursue attractive purposes.

Specifically, women want a man who projects the feeling that he has pursued attractive purposes in the past, is currently pursuing attractive purposes in the present, will pursue attractive purposes in the future, has the traits of somebody who can pursue attractive purposes, is focused on his purposes, cannot be distracted or deterred from his purposes, and genuinely enjoys the pursuit of those purposes. And most importantly, women want to feel like the man will include them in their purposes and make them feel like they are valuable contributors to those purposes. Simply put, everything in game is about your purposes and every aspect of womens’ sexual attraction is keyed to your purposes.

When I say “purpose,” I mean ANY worthwhile goal a man may pursue, which can be his career, his hobbies, and his relationships, but also include smaller purposes, like learning about subjects he is interested in, going to the gym, keeping his house clean, and so forth. A man’s purposes also include whatever he does to have fun. For example, if a man is out on a Friday night with his friends, his “purposes” in that moment are getting drunk, dancing, and making fun of people with his boys. Womens’ interest in your purposes extends to ANY purpose you pursue, no matter how small.

By “attractive,” I mean that women want a man who pursues purposes that are fun and emotionally stimulating, which means they include novelty, challenge, and the pursuit of meaningful and valuable rewards. Put another way, women want a man whose life is a series of fun, meaningful, important, valuable, emotionally stimulating adventures, and who is constantly growing, improving himself, conquering new dragons, obtaining new and valuable resources, and changing the world. Furthermore, women want to feel like the man has a lazer-like focus and dedication to his purposes, he cannot be easily distracted or deterred from them, he has complete certainty and confidence in them, he does not give a fuck what anybody thinks, and nobody can make him feel bad about what he is doing. And most importantly, women want to feel like the man is experiencing the full panoply of positive emotions that come with the pursuit of his purposes, including the thrill of victory, the satisfaction of conquering challenges, and the pleasure of getting your dick sucked after a long day of kicking ass.

One could even summarize game like this: The ultimate feeling you want to communicate to women is that 1) you are competent at pursuing attractive purposes, 2) the woman can join your adventures and pursue your purposes with you, and 3) you will be a reliable, fair, and loyal adventure partner. Being a good adventure partner means you reward her fairly for her contributions to the adventure with compliments, resources, and positive emotions, and generally make her feel like she is getting her share of the booty from the adventure.

You should view everything in game through the lens of pursuing fun purposes, or in other words, adventure. In fact, a good date is basically a series of fun adventures you and a woman enjoy together. For example, you can explore a cool neighborhood, an art gallery, or the grounds of a music festival. You can also take her on an intellectual and emotional adventure - for example, you can have a deep conversation with her about a challenging, emotionally stimulating topic like what the definition of a real friend is or whether karma is real. Finally, and most importantly, she should feel like she is on the most important adventure of all: the adventure to be accepted by you so she can become a part of your awesome and exciting life, and get to come on more adventures.

Many men resist the idea that women care about a man’s purposes and instead claim that women only care about superficial things like looks, money, height, status, and cars. And make no mistake – those things DO play a role in generating sexual attraction. I am not denying that. And like I said in the Introduction, if you have absolutely none of these traits women will not even hang around you for long enough to know what purposes you are pursuing or how fun your adventures are. But women care about superficial things way less than men think. Women reject tall, good-looking, rich, and “nice” guys all the time for guys that do not have these things because the thing they really want is the feeling that you are on a fun adventure. Without that feeling, they will eventually get bored and move on.

Womens’ desire for the man to pursue some attractive purpose exists at all times and in every situation. For example, if you approach a woman at a music festival, she should feel IN THAT MOMENT you are pursuing some kind of attractive purpose: You can be on the way to meet your friends, you can be walking to see a particular DJ, or your adventure might just be to dance your ass off. The specific purpose is not that important: what matters is the feeling that you are on the way to some attractive destination. But the second the woman starts to feel like you are aimless, have no real destination or plan, can be easily thrown off whatever you were doing, or worst of all, your purpose is HER, she will feel repelled.

One of the strange things about womens’ psychology is that they make assumptions about whether a man pursues attractive purposes from his behavior towards women. For example, if a man at a party is going from woman to woman being needy, validation-seeking, and subservient, women will subconsciously assume that he is not pursuing attractive purposes in his life. On the other hand, if a guy is vibing by himself in the corner, living in his own world, and not begging for validation from others, women will subconsciously assume he is living a cool, fun, life. This is obviously irrational – tons of needy guys pursue attractive purposes and live cool lives and tons of guys with crappy lives can act cool and aloof – but women have deep, ancient programming that associates certain traits and behaviors to the feeling that the man must be pursuing attractive purposes and others to the feeling that he is not. 

This means that you must project the feeling that your purposes come first throughout the entire time you are with a woman, even if she has already emotionally invested in you. Tons of guys have ruined dates that were going well because they start acting needy or overly emotionally invested towards the end of the date, and the reason is that they made the woman feel like their thoughts and emotions have shifted from pursuing attractive purposes (which, on a date, means having fun and enjoying whatever activity is before you in that moment) to just “getting” her.

For example, if you bring a woman home to your house to have sex, you may feel like you have “scored” and can kick back and enjoy yourself. But even if she is in your house – even if she is in your bed - the woman still must feel like if she starts acting shitty, boring, or disinterested, you might get up at any moment and go chase your passions. I have gone to my laptop to work on this book at 4 in the morning with a girl in my bed because she the girl was acting annoying. Doing this is confusing to the woman, but also turns her on. Above and beyond everything, women want a man who is obsessed with his mission.

The importance of purpose explains why the guys that are most successful with women are athletes, DJs, movie stars, rock stars, and less impressive guys like party promoters, broke artists, comedians, and musicians, gangsters, tour guides, psychedelic shamans, and so forth. These guys do not win with women because they have money, good looks, or amazing game – oftentimes, these guys have terrible game, no money, and look like shit. Instead, these guys succeed with women because they project the feeling that they are doing something fun they genuinely enjoy. Womens’ main experience of these guys is not going to fancy dinners with them, the guy being “nice” to them, or the guy gaming them. Instead, womens’ main experience of these guys is watching them pursue a fun purpose they are genuinely passionate about, putting everything else second, and not letting anybody get in the way of their fun.

Not only are these guys not trying to “get” women when they are doing fun activities, they are often IGNORING them. But it usually does not matter - women are often immediately ready to have sex after watching men do fun, impressive things even before there is a conversation. I have even seen extremely hot women climb into DJ booths and immediately start making out with no-name DJs just because they spent the last hour watching the go guy ham on the DJ decks, having a blast and not giving a fuck. At the same time, however, when the guy takes his attention away from the activity and fixates it on the woman, he blows it.

I have also seen this in my own life. Before I learned game, the only times women liked me were when they happened to be around me when I was doing something fun that I genuinely enjoyed. For example, they saw me play in a soccer game for my high school, do a comedy show, or just have fun hanging out with my friends. Sometimes women formed a crush on me before I had even talked to them. I am not the only guy who has had this experience – tons of guys say they do the best when they don’t “try” and most often, when a man is not “trying” it is because his attention is focused on doing something he enjoys.

Sexual attraction, relationships, and women are incredibly complex topics, and men often drive themselves crazy by overthinking their interactions with women. To save yourself from this problem, you can always come back to Purpose. When you do not know what to do, you should focus on putting your purposes, your goals, your mission, your life, your fun, and your world first, and let the chips fall where they may. You should think of women as standing in line and trying to get into your amusement park. You may or may not let them in; but you need to make sure that your amusement park is fun FOR YOU first.

my website: http://www.woujo.com