I made a comment recently debating whether or not I should go ahead and make a post about what it's like to date a guy from a gay/bi perspective. I was encouraged to do it so here it is.

Background

Growing up as a child I didn't care for girls that much, but I did kiss them a lot. I remember in the 2nd grade while riding the bus home I sat next to a hispanic girl my age and we kissed each other on the lips.

Then we made a "game" out of it to see how long we could hold the kiss. Eventually we got caught and separated and the bus driver called my parents but neither of them believed the bus driver when he told them.

In middle school I became friends with a couple of guys and we were very close. We had band together and we all had the same classes too.

I was picked on a lot during middle school and went through some rough times but I also learned how to defend myself both physically and verbally so even though I would like to paint myself as a hopeless victim my actions just wouldn't let me stay one.

As I got closer to them I started to realize that I actually liked them. I mean, I really liked them. I had thoughts of kissing them, and at first it was weird to me because in my mind I knew that I'd never go through with it.

I had a huge crush on a girl that was in my class and there was no way in hell that I would choose to kiss my friends over kissing her. It wouldn't even be a contest. But for some reason I kept having these thoughts.

Then I started learning more about sex and by age 12 I used to go on chat sites and sext both men and women. Back in the day on Youtube it was a very common thing to do.

I used to get into debates with chicks on evolution, religion, etc in the video comments, and then they'd inbox me and after some more back and forth I'd "apologize" and start sexting them and they'd go be all for it.

But I'd also go on sex chatrooms at night pretending to be a girl. As much as I loved the idea of being masculine and dominating women, there was a part of me that wanted to be "dominated" and subservient to a man.

I felt like no woman on Earth knew how to please a man like I did, and of course guys in the chatroom would swear that I was a girl and ask for pics and my number and well I'd never tell a grown man online that he just typed 300 words about putting his fingers in a girl's ass while she rode his dick (ty for the useful tip btw) to a prepubescent boy.

Eventually I began to kind of accept that I might be bi-curious but I just never had the chance when I was younger to "test" out kissing a guy.

Most gay guys I knew were extremely feminine, and to me that is very unattractive. If I wanted someone feminine, I'd go to a woman, not a guy.

That's just how my mind worked at the time, and still does. You can be a guy that wants to be the subservient one in a homosexual relationship without acting as if you lost your dick and balls.

Fast forward to high school I had an incident where I was changing in the locker room after wrestling practice and one of my teammates, a bigger, taller guy walked in and started changing too.

It was just the two of us and he was a bit of a goofball on the team. He cracked jokes a lot, barely showed up to practice, and our coach hated him but he was still pretty good.

While I was changing he suddenly wanted to "wrestle" me and he then threw me against the wall and groped me. He then dry humped me for several minutes and just suddenly stopped and said "I don't like this," and walked out.

I was too stunned to even react. I got dressed and on the car ride home with my step-mom I was deathly silent. When I got home I cried because I wondered why the hell was I so turned on?

Wasn't I just sexually assaulted? Why was that the hottest thing in the world to me? He even sent me a friend request on Facebook the same night and I accepted it immediately.

I actually did some research and it shows that a lot of men are ashamed to come forward after being sexually assaulted/molested/raped by another man because sometimes they can get aroused so they begin to question their sexuality. I felt much better after this revelation.

Though I did get "payback" on him by shoving him head first into a vending machine which nearly busted his head open (man that felt so good) he for some reason didn't retaliate with violence.

Instead, one day he pulled me aside and whispered to me that he was going to face fuck me if I ever did something like that again.

And, again, I was actually turned on by this.

So it was during this time that I realized (and thanks to my therapist during my later years) that I definitely had a thing for guys, but mainly very masculine, aggressive/assertive, men.

They didn't have to be the best looking, or be in the best shape either. If they had that "IDGAF" attitude, and looked as if they could just "take" what they wanted, then I was all for it, and them.

I'd do whatever they wanted me to (within reason ofc).

When I entered the dating scene as an adult, who fully realized that he was bi, I began to see why women complained about guys.

Most guys don't have a clue about game.

It's laughable. I can give you a couple of examples.

Example 1: What NOT To Do

I joined the military and was stationed at a hospital base. I worked and lived on the same bus and there was this guy around my age that was an immigrant from Cuba.

Let's call him "C".

He was a decently looking guy, with something of a bit of a baby face. Not that I could talk since I had even more of a baby face, but nothing about him screamed masculine.

He carried himself like a Nice Guy^TM and he was friendly but I had zero interest in him.

Then one day we were sitting down at work goofing off because we had nothing to do, and we talked about working out. At the time I was a scrawny guy, but an extremely good runner.

I could bust out at least 80 push-ups with moderate effort, and I could sprint like the wind.

Still, I mused that I wanted to get bigger, and he said that he could help me. I literally scoffed at him, because he didn't look that impressive in his uniform.

Then he showed me a shirtless pic of himself and I nodded my head and said "Oh damn, okay," and he gave me a cocky smile.

Suddenly, my interest went from zero to 100 real quick.

I got his number and told him that we should "hang out" sometime. He said "We'll see."

Suddenly, my interest went up even more.

One day out of the blue he texted me at around 10 O'clock at night that we should "go for a run" together.

I declined his offer but mentioned that I was hungry and that we should go out to eat instead. He was very adamant and pushy about us running together at night.

It was very weird, and I remember showing the text to one of my closest friends who knew I was bi and he said "Why does he sound so desperate?" I laughed and said "I know right."

About 30 minutes later he texted me again and asked if I was "sure" that if I didn't want to go out and run with him.

At this point I was getting slightly annoyed, and when I declined his offer he replied, "Haha okay then. Guess I'll go alone."

Now, I found my interest going down.

Fast forward a couple more weeks and we both are on our lunch break. We had very slow work flow so we opt to go to IHop and get something to eat.

I said that we should do take-out, but he wanted us to sit and eat together. I agreed and when we talked he mentioned how he had never "had a black friend" before.

Since I'm black he was obviously talking about us, so I made a snide remark about how "he still doesn't" and he got a bit butt hurt over the joke. I literally rolled my eyes at him.

Then my interest went even lower.

On the way back to work after he parked and we were still in the car we had time to kill so we just talked for awhile about a whole lot of nothing.

Then he tried to lean in to kiss me and I pulled back instinctively.

He sucked his teeth and asked what was wrong and I told him that I just wasn't feeling it.

He groaned and moaned and acted as if I "owed" him a kiss or something, even though I paid for my own meal and gave him gas money for taking me?

And now my interest in him went back to zero.

Over the next few weeks he'd text me and ask me if I wanted to hang out, and I'd say no. He did this every weekend religiously and I eventually stopped replying to him.

At work I was cordial and courteous to him but I'd make up excuses as to why I didn't want to hang out with him. In the end he got the hint and stopped asking me out.

Please don't be like that guy. He just exuded neediness. It completely killed my attraction for him.

A lot of guys can't imagine what it's like to be on the other side.

They say "I'd love for a chick to be all over me!" And when you ask them to flip the script they'll just say "Well I'm not attracted to guys."

Well, coming from a guy that is, neediness and desperation is perhaps the number 1 killer next to horrific physical deformities.

You're peacocking that you're low status. It's push and pull, and although he started off right, he could not seal the deal.

When women complain about men that act this way it makes me want to hunt the guy down and slap him with the blackest part of my hand.

Example 2: What You SHOULD Do

It's about a year or so since the last incident, and I'm at the store on base buying some snacks.

While I'm in the aisle there's a filipino guy next to me buying the slim jims that I want. I wait patiently for him to get it and when he does he looks as me and begins to speak to me as if we knew each other for awhile.

In my mind I'm thinking "Who the hell is this guy," but I go with it because I don't want to be rude.

He asks me where in the hospital do I work, etc, etc. I tell him and I move on to the next aisle to get something else.

He happens to be there too buying something to drink and I make a snide comment and say "Are you stalking me?" And he replied in a deadpan sort of way, "Maybe."

I chuckle a little because humor like that is right up my alley and we begin to talk a little bit more.

I notice during the conversation that he's extremely even-keeled, and dare I say...smooth.

We talk about video games and how great Destiny is and he just nonchalantly invites me to his room to play with him. I try to come up with a hundred and one reasons as to why I shouldn't and he says something that sticks out to me.

"My room is just around the corner. We could walk there, play for a bit, eat some snacks and relax, and you can go."

The implication that my trip/time wouldn't be wasted because all it'd all be "quick" appeals to me. So I agree to go to his room.

Now this guy was not that attractive to me, at all. For one I'm a short guy (5'6) and I do not like short guys (he was 5'7).

He was a little on the chubby side and I don't like asian/ethnic guys at all, but I can't lie his game was pretty on point.

Nothing about him screamed neediness, or desperation, and his demeanor and IDGAF attitude was about as good as it got.

So when I went to his room I expected that we'd do what he said, play games together and just relax. Well instead he spent most of the time playing Destiny with his friends online and talking to them through his headset while I sat on the bed bored out of my mind.

I tried to get his attention but he'd just hush me back to silence. Eventually I got so bored that I was like "fuck it" and told him that I was gonna go home.

He turned to one of his drawers and took out his Nintendo DS and tossed it to me, all in one motion and said while turning to his game and without even looking at me, "Play that."

I immediately sat back down on his bed and played Smash Bros for awhile and when he was finally done playing Destiny he sat on the bed next to me and watched me play.

He laid down for a bit and stretched and suddenly laying down next to him looked really comfortable so I followed his lead. Next thing I knew we were making out. I didn't even know if he was attracted to guys or not, but he somehow managed to gather that I was.

We kissed for a bit and then he pulled back and said that I had to go. At this point I'm practically begging to stay longer, but he said that he was tired.

I asked for his number and left and on my drive back home I was like "Wait, what just happened? Was I just picked up by a guy while shopping at the store?"

It was so strange to me. I thought women who got picked up by guys at places like the mall or stores were idiots who couldn't see through what guys wanted. Yet here I was, a victim of some day game.

This guy, let's call him "F" for short, had me hooked.

There were days I'd text him and he'd never text me back until several days later.

There were times I'd see him at work and I'd drop everything to go talk to him, try to be as "subtle" as I could so that he'd invite me to his room, and he'd come up with a hundred reasons why he can't, then out of the blue invite me over one day.

I'd come to him whenever he wanted me to, and we'd play games, have some fun, and he'd send me on my way, but I loved our dynamic.

Sometimes we'd just spend the whole time in our own separate corners, but it was pure bliss to me. We're friends till' this day, and he's still the same awful texter he's always been.

I even told him that'd I'd run away and marry him at the drop of a hat, and he just laughs at me.

Again, he's not my type in the least, but "F" did everything right, from top to bottom his game was very solid.

He reminded me a lot of myself in some ways, but his game was even better.

There was no hint of neediness in him, and he knew the type of person he was. He loved playing games, and his father was a restaurant owner and he loved to cook and wanted to take over his father's business one day.

There were times I'd encourage him to "go work out" with me, because like I said he was a little chubby, and he'd just turn me down and go back to playing games or reading.

I never took it personally, I just knew that's the kind of person he was, and I loved it.

Quick List Of Things I See Guys Do Wrong

  • Underestimate Their SMVs severely. A lot of guys are a lot more attractive than they think. Some guys act so surprised when they find out a guy, let alone a woman, thinks they look good. Seriously, even some of the chubbier guys are cute/good looking. You should always work on yourself and your body of course, but in the meantime walk around like you're the shit regardless. Trust me, it works.

  • Desperate. Can't stress this enough. Double texting? Giving/Sending gifts? Jumping through hoops? Not attractive.

  • Sensitive. I don't mean sensitive as in emotional, I mean sensitive as in thin skin. Some guys takes things women say so personally and it boggles my mind. 99% of the time a woman will say something to get a rise/reaction out of you. It's what we call a "shit" test. I do it to guys I date all the time, and not on purpose.

One time I told a guy that I went out to eat with that his shoes looked weird. He laughed and said "Well, I like it like that."

I looked him up and down and said that "You must be a weird guy then," and he just nonchalantly said, "What does that make you for liking me?"

Immediately I was on the defensive. I laughed it off and suddenly, his shoes didn't look that weird anymore, but I liked his humor and his confidence.

  • Awkward. Guys are so awkward nowdays. I don't know what's in the water, or what guys are learning, but they can't read a room or a person to save their lives. I've read the texts that women receive from guys, and I get so disgusted. I'm like "Seriously? Is that the best guys have to offer? Is that my competition?" Now don't get me wrong, in person most guys aren't that bad. But over text they're complete idiots. You know what you SHOULD do?

A girl I'm good friends with came crying, literally crying to me because a guy she had a "connection" with didn't text her back over the weekend.

She sent him a text to hook up on a Saturday and he said "We'll see." That's it.

Then two days later she texted him "Are we still on????" No reply.

She wasn't even left on read. Then she screenshotted and showed me the convo, and I told her that he's obviously busy. She said that couldn't be the case.

Like a typical woman, she ignored my sensible advice and blew his phone up. Then he replied to her, "Holy shit. I was getting my car fixed."

And when she asked him out again and apologized he said, "Nah, I don't think this is gonna work out." and blocked her.

She still talks about him till' this day. Keep it short and sweet. Trust me, it works.

Things Guys Get Right

  • Overt. A lot of guys are better than I thought at communicating their wants and needs. Guys don't play a lot of "games" nowadays, but women are very ignorant of men and like to read too much into what they say. A lot of women hurt themselves this way.

  • Take Charge. In work settings a lot of guys know how to take charge and "step-up" so to speak. Very, very attractive quality imo. I hover around those guys a lot. They're the ones that tend to lay out crumbs of validation that I live for. Now if only men could take this kind of confidence outside of work....

In Closing

I had an interesting convo with a close female friend of mine recently.

She texted me and said that she was horny and just went on a chat room to sext a guy. After she got off she asked me how to ghost him. I said it's simple, just stop replying.

She then went on about how there just aren't a lot of dominant men anymore, or men that were assertive, especially in bed. She asked me how were things on my end trying to find a dominant guy.

I told her that they weren't any better.

I have a "need" to have both my masculine and feminine side satisfied. I think a lot of gay/bi men have been feminized a lot.

When I see two guys together and they're both limp-wrist twinks I always ask myself, "Who's the masculine one???"

I scratch my head at how two twnks going at it could be a satisfying experience in bed for either one of them.

I don't want to dominant a man. It's just "not right" in my mind.

I'm too short, and I'm not physically imposing. Plus, I know my strengths.

I can please a man very well, not just sexually but even as a companion I know my place and my role. I don't try to press for a "relationship," I don't blow up their phone, ask them why they spent [x] amount of hours playing video games or watching movies, and if I'm alone with them and we aren't doing anything I enjoy the moment for what it is.

If I was born a woman I'd swear that I'd be a unicorn, but then again if I was a woman there's no way I'd have the perspective of men that I do now since I am one.

Likewise, there's still a part of me that wants to dominate. Why would I want to fuck a "feminized" man if I could go for the "real" thing, a woman?

I'd never let a woman dominate me, I don't care how big or tall she was. I register them as a gender to be dominated in bed, and there is nothing as exhilarating as that to me.

Anyways this post was a lot longer then I had intended it to be, but it was very fun to write. Feel free to share your experiences (gay or straight or bi).