Does her past matter? Take note from this man's story.

goodmansaysfuckyou · 2021-03-04T22:58:40+00:00

Sounds like my ex-wife. Sex was never about intimacy, love, or passion even though she pretended it was. Sex was:

A tool to get me to be vulnerable enough to extract whatever she wanted at that moment when I would not be likely to say no.
A litmus test to see if I was fucking some other chick. If I wanted to fuck her and could get it up to fuck her, then I wasn't fucking someone else.
A way to start an argument (see # 2 above) and by using bait and switch (flirt and change mind).
A method to ensure financial support for 18 years (get pregnant). Ha Ha joke is on her...I got custody of the kids.

Backyardbaby67 · 2021-03-04T23:20:19+00:00

...This is whats at the core of what Rollo Tomassi preaches

...Men love idealistically

...Women love opportunistically

warlocc_ · 2021-03-04T23:30:43+00:00

Oof, those comments.

And that, kids, is why you shouldn't relationship.

3HardWay · 2021-03-04T22:21:59+00:00

Oops, he married a broken one. Better luck next time!

Although, I'm guessing the right kind of man would magically ignite that passion, and kissing, touching, <insert literally any request here> would be part of the act without question.

RoodAwakenin · 2021-03-05T00:59:13+00:00

2 out of 12 of myself and my married friends have satisfactory sex lives. These are very diverse races and interracial marriages. I see the timeline of a relationship being:

blowjobs/anal/sex twice a day~~ marriage~~ 3 nights a week of sex~~ conceive child~~ 1 nights a week of sex~~ frustrated male who is short tempered~~ 3 nights a month of sex with many rejections~~ Male stops initiating sex~~ dead bedroom~~ woman files for divorce due to “narcissism”~~ woman has passionate sex with her next guy~~

I will tell my son the truth when he gets older. These women truly desire to be baby mamas. They do not want consistency of marriage. In my jaded point of view I think a woman would like to be married to a revolving door of men that changes every year.

sleepyweaselisawake · 2021-03-05T00:53:23+00:00

"Kissing, making out, or other typical foreplay never leads to intercourse for us. Even when she gets so horny she is ready to scream, she needs to slow down, there is no penetration going to happen until she is fully in control of her emotions. Generally that means, stop, disengage, maybe get dressed, take a moment, then deliberately and independently get the rest of the way undressed, find the position for intercourse then we get to fuck."

What in the actual fuck is going on here?

mistralol · 2021-03-04T23:41:01+00:00

If it took 10 years to figure that out something much more is wrong in the releationship. eg she is keeping all sorts of things back. eg lie by ommision but also willing to trick / manipulate and generally play games she should not be playing.

This stuff normally becomes obvious within months or even sooner (sometimes as early as 3-4th time with somebody - enough to establish a pattern). Or the moment somebody is married cause either the sex basically stops completly or its dead starfish position at best.

Either way to keep that hidden for 10 years of marriage could definitly be considered a lie (by omission)

lurkerhasarisen · 2021-03-05T01:30:15+00:00

This is a tough one, because the guy is not in a dead bedroom situation. His wife is, by his own account, doing her "wifely duty" on a regular basis. I'm not sure what guys expect: even if you start out with "swinging from the chandeliers" sex during the honeymoon phase, that is not going to last forever. Just as emotional infatuation fades over time, so does its physical counterpart. A man who marries with the expectation of a lifetime of "porn star" sex or, in his case, deeply intimate sex, is no less misled than a woman who marries with the expectation of eternal "butterflies."

His problem isn't that his wife isn't doing her duty (she is, and DB is filled with guys who wish they had his problem). In this case it's not even that his wife wasn't a virgin when she married him (although that certainly doesn't help).

His problem is that he agreed to go to couple's counseling to "fix" something that wasn't broken... and now it really is broken.

Would sex be more "intimate" if she hadn't spent her early twenties using it as a tool for attention? Perhaps, but probably not much, if any. At this point there's no way to know. Would he have a more realistic view of what sex would be like after a decade of marriage if he had consumed less porn and/or Hallmark? (Guys like this don't only exist in sitcoms.) Any answer would be purely speculative.

I think that if there's anything that can learned from this it is that nothing in life is going to be a lifelong series of uninterrupted highs, and over-analyzing, like envy, is the death of contentment.

Buchwild · 2021-03-05T01:51:27+00:00

The past is a good predictor of future trends, if you had a friend who was a compulsive gambler would you feel comfortable loaning him money 10 years later? It's not that people don't change because they can with the help of hard work and self reflection but without a willingness to improve and leave your comfort zone most people tend to stay in their comfort zones.

grahamcookiefart · 2021-03-05T08:31:54+00:00

Idk how she in particular would view sex if her husband was her one and only partner, but I come from a place where it is normal to wait till marriage as a woman, my husband was my first in all regards and I think it is overall way more healthy in terms of keeping an LTR alive. It shifts from quantifiable validation (one of many) to meaningful connection (the one and only), especially when you know in a few years when you hit the wall, he will be the one settling for you. You don't spend your early years of marriage thinking of all the men of your past and how he measures up, you only know this, it is the best you had and it stops you from dwelling in this illusion that you have so many better or worse options and lets you focus on this one guy. I guess, when you're a virgin before marriage you cherish the sex because it IS the best you've ever had but you don't know if you're the best he's had - so you commit more to being better, loving and exciting. This is of course a stupid connection but when I went to a waxing parlor in Europe the lady went all "I'm so glad the foreigners bring in all the business" because the "European women" as she called them never come in for a wax let alone a wax in the intimate area - which is so basic to do in my culture.

Where sex is plentiful it loses worth and meaning... it's as simple as that I think.

retal1ator · 2021-03-05T06:39:46+00:00

The woman in the story is broken and pathetic. If someone had such a bad and twisted view on sex, you would bet they worked on it... or at least avoided bringing down someone else with them. And instead...

Has the man in the story ever experienced sex with a normal woman? Time to divorce, buddy.

Stahlboden · 2021-03-05T12:31:13+00:00

You say "does her past matter?" as if men must justify who they they give their commitment to. You can have any standards you want at your own risk. Anyone saying you cannot are just manipulators.

Sake99 · 2021-03-05T02:14:39+00:00

If she is not naturally 'asexual' then her husband is needs to replace to her because she sees him as beta.

ViciousDextroShade · 2021-03-06T06:19:55+00:00

He is married to a broken woman. This is what happens to women who have been passed around: they see sex as just a way to get validation from men instead of an intimate act of love shared with a partner. This is why it is important to know slut tells.

Devilsgun · 2021-03-06T03:30:03+00:00

With the girls I fuck their past doesn't matter one bit. In fact, once I bring out their freak stories they get more inclined to fuck in 'fun and innovative' ways, which is a bonus IMHO.

They never stick around long enough for their past to be an issue, and since I insist on 'clean fun and games' and push full-bore honesty for a while before anything kicks off there's no problem with cooties. Girls don't hide their shit if you're approachable, so squelch the 'love' shit and play the Alpha card instead, and you learn a LOT of interesting things... Some by firsthand experience once she's DTF.

Now if I were looking for a 'keeper' I'd be a bit more picky (and seek out some 'weirdo' chick that's a widower, off-brand religious nut escapee, psycho goth, etc) but I'm not.

bononoz1 · 2021-03-10T06:42:45+00:00

Personally, I think a woman's past does matter. A lot of women I met and wanted to date often had their past being a crippling factor. Ironic as I got over my past and I keep meeting weak minded people.

Does her past matter? Take note from this man's story.

Comments

Truth is a tool of the patriarchy!!!

Consistency is a to of the patriarchy!!!

Consistency is a tool of the patriarchy!!!

Consistency is a tool of the patriarchy!!!

Title	Does her past matter? Take note from this man's story.
Author	loneliness-inc
Upvotes	115
Comments	79
Date	March 4, 2021 10:07 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/comments/lxwrc6/does_her_past_matter_take_note_from_this_mans/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/does-her-past-matter-take-note-from-this-mans.752428 https://theredarchive.com/post/752428