Am I being too sensitive?

orangeboobert · 2021-04-23T19:11:20+00:00

Sorry I have to strongly encourage you to stay AWAY from men if you “have no self esteem”. Who’s going to be your voice of reason or protect you/defend you and your boundaries when a guy comes on too strongly, invades your space, disrespects you, demands things you aren’t comfortable with, or actively abuses you? With a history of trauma and “no self esteem” you are a baby lamb walking straight into a pack of hungry wolves. For the love of god, please work on your self esteem before trying to figure out dating. You are in danger without a strong sense of self, plain and simple.

BabyGothQ · 2021-04-23T19:37:52+00:00

oooph, sis.

Something inherent with women, but especially with anxiety, is that you feel and are explicitly told over and over again that you’re “too sensitive”.

No one is “too sensitive”. There’s a reason and a rhyme for why you are the way you are and if you’re not hurting anyone, what’s wrong exactly with being too sensitive?

When people tell you you’re too sensitive, what you need to translate that to is ”I want to keep harming/being toxic to you and if you keep having feelings about it, it’s gonna make it harder for me”. OR “I feel like my emotions are unnecessary and invalid, so you, as the physical embodiment of that need, need to be dismissed just like how I dismiss my own emotions”.

Also, something that people in general don’t understand is that feelings exist for a reason and they’re meant to be taken seriously. When you or someone else dismisses them, they do not go away, only becoming bigger and messier over time.

Okay, sure, objectively, getting upset because your teacher, whose job it is to tell you these things, told you to tone up could be considered an overreaction. But when you have emotional intelligence, you realize that it’s not about the teacher telling you to tone up. It’s about your feelings of insecurity and feeling like you don’t measure up, and needing to be affirmed that you are capable and gifted. Or whatever the case may be for you.

When everyone in your life consistently tells you that you’re overreacting or being sensitive, every little thing starts to feel like the end of the world because you were never given the space to honor and express your emotions. They become overwhelming, you can’t name any of them past “anxiety”, and you feel like your survival is at stake because when you can’t identify the “threat”, everything becomes the threat.

I hope this made sense lol

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-04-23T17:21:05+00:00

First of all, your anxiety is going to amplify a lot of things in life, but that doesn’t mean you are undeserving of support. This guy sounds like he’s insensitive. It would be one thing to be reassuring like “I’m sure they mentioned toning up because it would make you stronger and a better dancer.” That’s reassuring, more positive. But just disregarding it completely, telling you you shouldn’t be upset because it’s not a big deal, that’s more along the lines of gaslighting and lacking empathy.

That being said, if he’s already acting this way now, when he’s supposed to be on his “best behavior” and trying to win you over, it’s only going to get worse. He’s clearly unsupportive to your feelings, and I would not continue whatever you two have, friendship or otherwise.

He’s not wrong about therapy though, if your anxiety is making your own life difficult and causing you to not try new things or aggressively over analyze constructive criticism. I do not know you, so I don’t know how it effects you, but therapy is an amazing and beneficial avenue for self reflection, growth, gaining confidence and control. Who knows what his intentions were in saying it, but regardless, it’s not an evil thing that makes you weak to seek out. If anything, having the forethought and willingness to attend therapy speaks to a person’s strength and goals for their future mental health. 🌸💖

orangeboobert · 2021-04-23T20:01:31+00:00

First, I am so sorry you’re hurting. I myself have ptsd and I need a very loving and confident man. It is not okay what he said, and him taking it back does not take away the pain. His statement is gaslighting 101. He is not perfect, and for him to say your needs are too much is the opposite of what someone w CPTSD needs.

Then when you tried processing it again, he DISMISSED your pain. The right person will bring about confirming experiences, that help you to heal. The wrong person will solidify these old beliefs and wounds. And the longer you stay, the worse it will get. This way he is framing things is called DARVO. Read about it. What happened before you needed reassurance? What was the situation? He laughed at you feeling hurt when you were looking for support. He laughed at you. You need to listen to yourself. Whenever a woman asks if they’re overreacting and they’ve had trauma, my first thought is: they’re going for someone unavailable bc they still have things they need to heal. And the person they’ll go for will further wound as a way to shine a light on this. I can’t tell you to leave him but I can 💯 guarantee this doesn’t improve. The things that are a problem at the beginning get worse. And these things are not insignificant. It is not insignificant to laugh at someone’s pain. It is psychopathic.

It gets darker, it gets more uncomfortable, it gets more sticky, and you get more bonded. His response indicates a lack of accountability for his behaviors, thoughts or feelings and this is not someone that will be good for you. He will only show you what isn’t good for you and eventually you will have to extricate yourself.

Believe me. My now ex (broke up a week ago after over a year of these same similar arguments) turned the whole relationship into gaslighting that I was too much, overreacting, reading into things. It got so bad at the end. My triggers got worse as he ramped up his lack of empathy, blame, deflection and lack of accountability. It’s easier to cut off early.

However, you absolutely need therapy for CPTSD. Feeling guilty and over sensitive is a symptom of your cptsd. Taking responsibility for his insensitivity is a symptom of ptsd. He is insensitive to your needs. The right person will not deepen those fears. These behaviors make you feel not good enough and the right person should feel like a safe harbor. But this is not all on you and though I do not know his side, I do know that when someone in a relationship is trying to shine a light on someone else as the difficult one, they’re usually unable to look inside themselves. So you take on all of it.

When I finally ended w my ex (after having situations like this and eventually worse, repeatedly occurring) I became reactively abusive, bc I realized I’d blamed myself for all of it for over a year and got fed up and dumped it on him. I blamed him for all of it at the end bc the whole time I tried to end it knowing that he was insensitive and callous. But he’d convince me “we can work on things,” all the while repeating his callous insensitive behavior in more subtle ways. I AM in therapy, I AM working on myself, that didn’t change how I felt bc he was selfish and self absorbed, and unable to connect to his own vulnerabilities. And this isn’t your problem it’s his to deal with.

Laughing at someone’s pain and dismissing them is childish and low value behavior. At the end, he’d controlled and manipulated me into believing it was all on me to fix, while still pretending to be the good, victimized, fragile but clueless guy. I assure you: It’s not all on you, but if he can’t look at his own patterns, it IS all on you to look within, heal and walk away from what doesn’t serve you.

so_crat_ic · 2021-04-23T20:11:00+00:00

I've discovered that a lot of people are minorly toxic on some level. that being said with a background of abuse and CPTSD, you are more aware of these traits, and it might be hard to put up with the slightest bit of toxicity in your life. but there's a big difference, between not validating every opinion someone has, and blaming someone for feeling a certain way. I would push him, and test him a few times to see where he stands.

Is he one of those people who is secretly a bully, who tells you to suck it up? or is he just not in tune with your understanding of what support means?

From what I gather, ballet is classically very demanding. and like a football coach, the trainers will push for perfection, even when it's not possible. so it could be that your teacher is in that mind set. but certainly, you don't need to internalize what other people say to you, or about you. it doesn't change YOUR goals. and YOUR perception of yourself. That is what's most important! <3

berrylikeova · 2021-04-23T21:22:56+00:00

BLOCK. DELETE. STOP LETTING MEN TELL YOU THERES SUCH A THING AS TOO SENSITIVE.

brainsssszzzzz · 2021-04-23T17:58:41+00:00

Every time you need reassurance, you end up with an argument? You crave support and end up feeling worse? Something that upset you made him laugh?

You might as well have nobody. Or like, a pet fish. Fish are actually relaxing, unlike this guy.

So he's being a jerk, but also, he's basically a stranger and you may be leaning on him too much.

Repulsive-Ad1092 · 2021-04-23T20:26:05+00:00

No, it is not your fault, he is negging you. He is testing how submissive you are. He is abusive. RUN THE F OUT

flowerpower102938 · 2021-04-24T08:59:13+00:00

I'd recommend not dating anyone until your self-esteem issues are 100% fixed. If you don't see yourself as valuable, you'll accept any kind of treatment as you don't think you deserve anything good. You are worthy of respect and you deserve the best that life can offer you. Delete all your Old and work on yourself. Get back to therapy.

West-Cook · 2021-04-24T17:40:41+00:00

I’m worried about these lines:

I have no self-esteem.

I know it’s my fault for having anxiety

I didn’t realize my anxiety affected him so much that he thinks I need therapy. I just feel so guilty and horrible for having these issues.

Don’t feel guilty; none of this is your fault. But yes, I do think you help for your self esteem and anxiety issues, because they’re making you miserable, and for no other reason.

I highly suggest you hit pause on dating until you are good with yourself first and foremost. I see a lot of red flags in the fact that you lean so much on this one man after only 2 months of just “talking.”

Title	Am I being too sensitive?
Author	Spiritual_Event1396
Upvotes	28
Comments	18
Date	April 23, 2021 4:01 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/mwyjb5/am_i_being_too_sensitive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/am-i-being-too-sensitive.792148 https://theredarchive.com/post/792148

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