Letter after a bad breakup

AyemHerself · 2020-06-03T20:44:49+00:00

You were caught lying on several occasions, right? That means your word is no longer good to her. If you did write a letter about how sorry you were, there's no way you could convince her it wasn't a way to make yourself look better to her.

Leave her be and keep working on yourself.

sstena · 2020-06-03T22:33:11+00:00

You don't want to own up to anything. You want that debilitating guilt you feel in your chest to go away. Leave her alone.

Raccoon328 · 2020-06-03T21:33:27+00:00

I just want to say, good for you for owning up to your mistakes and seeking to become a better man. I wish more people actually did this.

2020-06-03T20:23:53+00:00

I would leave her alone. The door is closed - just look towards continuing to better yourself and a brighter future. Good for you for recognizing mistakes and working to change.

lival42 · 2020-06-03T20:22:28+00:00

She broke up with you - so I'd bet that she had reached closure already. Write your letter, put it in a drawer, and wait until SHE reaches out to you.

ErikaNaumann · 2020-06-04T10:13:11+00:00

Write that letter and then burn it. Do not send it. She is free from you, let her live her life.

2020-06-05T05:02:54+00:00

You can write it, but I'd say don't send it. Keep your letter, and whenever you feel like you're slipping on old habits, read it to yourself.

You're trying to make your own life better with this, not hers. You're basically feeling the guilt and want that guilt to be lifted/alleviated, and that's not her responsibility of obligation. (and I'm saying this as someone who has gone through that in the past)

You can't "give her some closure," she gave it to herself and you have no right to go back and bring that stuff up all over again. Leave her alone, and learn from your mistakes, that's the best you can do for her.

Proof_Donkey · 2020-06-04T01:12:05+00:00

Good on you for getting therapy. I think a month is definitely too soon. Write the letter but don't send it. If it is just a sincere apology and not an attempt to get her to give you another chance it wont matter if you send it in a years time after she has healed and moved on.

eru378 · 2020-06-05T09:46:03+00:00

The desire to send a letter like this always comes from narcissistic, self-obsessed motives. YOU want to give HER closure? Come on buddy. Learn the lessons and move on. I'm sure she's doing just fine without you.

virginiadancer · 2020-06-03T20:34:23+00:00

You should feel guilty and understand there are permanent consequences to your actions. Some decisions in life don't allow for take backs. Welcome to manhood.

Pasdepromesses · 2020-06-05T11:13:41+00:00

Make it an unsent letter.

NecessaryCook · 2020-06-04T03:42:57+00:00

What is your true intent? Are you trying to feel better about yourself and slide back into her life? I don't think it's the right time for this. Give her like 6 months to get over this, and then if you want, send a letter with no expectation of response saying sorry. But move on with your life OP. when an ex reaches out to apologize it's usually really underwhelming. too little too late. You had your chance when you were with her. If it's absolutely necessary for you to say sorry to be able to move on, then do it, but understand it might not go how you want it to and that you do need to respect her right to privacy and her right to be left alone.

cutsforluck · 2020-06-03T20:44:06+00:00

No one can really tell you if this is a mistake, because you are the only two people who knew the relationship.

I say write the letter. Be open, be vulnerable, make sure you don't try to blame ('you did x which made me do y' type of thing).

Send it and detach from the outcome. Do not expect any specific reaction. You may get an angry response, no response, etc.

It's actually a widely-held misconception that just because someone broke up with you, they don't have any feelings to process. Again, I don't know you or your ex, but this has been the case for me.

Title	Letter after a bad breakup
Author	trustylad
Upvotes	11
Comments	17
Date	June 3, 2020 2:48 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/gvval3/letter_after_a_bad_breakup/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/letter-after-a-bad-breakup.1068633 https://theredarchive.com/post/1068633

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