FR and questions

ProbablyAMonkey · 2016-10-07T19:59:22+00:00

I'm going to dissent a bit from what's been posted so far in one regard.

Without knowing more of the backstory, most doctors say that sex isn't even allowed until ~6 weeks after birth. You'd be just around that point now, right? Plus the preggo/breastfeeding hormones can do some crazy shit. Postpartum depression possible?

Wife and I have 3 kids aged 8, 7 (whoops), and 3. Each pregnancy and recovery was totally different. First two were awesome, wife was horny as shit until the very end of pregnancy. Really awesome sex for about the 7 middle months of the pregnancy. Third pregnancy was rough (diabetes), and that door was CLOSED. First recovery was awful because of birth--probably 3 months before sex, next two recoveries were much shorter.

By all means go out by yourself. I did the same thing during and after each pregnancy, and it kept me sane. Infants are hard as shit on a relationship, but I think they're harder for men in some ways, because we don't have much of a relationship with the kid yet. It's just a crying shitting thing that takes up all of wife's time and physical attention. We physically cannot have the same bond that a woman has with an infant. Fuck, I think my kids were basically all around 1-2 before I felt that much of an emotional connection.

tl;dr, get out of the house, go do leisure shit on your own beyond just lifting and exercising, but don't neglect your kids because of your wife. kids come first, imho.

prarrott · 2016-10-08T02:41:57+00:00

Thank you guys for all the good words. Its just difficult because I've been in a BP low sex marriage for years, I stumble here and it all makes tremendous sense, and I'm ready to put it in action right away. Oh wait, I just left the hospital with a baby. No big deal, press on, initiate, AM, etc. I'm sure some of her response is due to breastfeeding, but I'm sure some of it is she is still so strongly conditioned to be annoyed by/unattracted to me and disinterested in sex with me. I'm so ready to do away with that, and I feel like I'm making headway with myself.

Update: I was hugging on her and she was semi-playfully saying "I just need my personal space". I said "you can have your personal space now, but I may invade another personal space later". She chuckled with a "No". Shortly after I said, "seriously, do you want to try tonight?" She said no. So after I put the two older to bed I said, "alright, I'm off, I'll see you later". I'm now listening to a jazz trio at our local whiskey bar.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-10-10T01:24:28+00:00

she continues to reject me and find me unattractive.

This is ridiculously common after the birth of a child. You can beat off over it, but don't beat yourself over it. Stop beating yourself up. This is the way of things. You can use Dread over months to gain compliance and when you are filling her up with man juice, this often kick starts her sex drive at the same time.

However, right now you have a new baby in the house that is not even sleeping through the night.

At some point, continually rejecting a man's advances is going to lead to that man hitting level 7 and beginning the process of hitting on other women. That point is not right now, so the best thing to do is relax.

enfier · 2016-10-07T22:14:42+00:00

So here's a FR from the other side of the coin. Wifey (kid is 4 months old) reports back from her mommy clubs that she's the only one having sex. So it's not exactly unusual in BP world that you aren't getting laid at this point.

It's really a result of biology (nature designed her not to get pregnant right after the child is born) and your complete lack of power in the relationship. The difference between me and the other chumps not getting laid is that I have the power to ask for what I want.

I'd recommend that you not escalate dread in the first few months after childbirth. The 12 steps of dread post even says:

Edit 6: THE USE OF EVEN MINOR FORMS OF DREAD IS NOT SUGGESTED DURING PREGNANCY We have had reports recently about men using Dread during the wife's pregnancy AND IT CREATES A SHIT STORM. DREAD is off limits during a pregnancy from what I have seen. They freak out even with soft dread. Anything new, even things like deciding to get in shape and leaving for the gym needs to be handled carefully because it is enough to create an existential crisis in some marriages. You can continue to apply Dread that you have already used- such as going out with the boys, checking out girls, etc. You should NOT start any new dread with a pregnant woman.

It makes sense - while pregnant and in the first few months of your baby's life everything is going to be about comfort. Dread will be perceived as a threat to the resources necessary to care for her infant. Her infant will be the only person she gives a shit about for a while.

I'd recommend you just go slowly and execute the slow fade into dread level 3. It's never pathetic to do what you want by yourself. If you are having a good time doing it, the people around you will take notice and be more inclined to join you. Even if you looked pathetic, does it matter if you are having a fun time doing it?

stonepimpletilists · 2016-10-07T19:31:03+00:00

Giver her first crack, learn some discretion and go get yours elsewhere.

If she already thinks you're a fuck, it really doesn't matter if she thinks you're buthurt when you go, does it? Leave with a smile, come back with a smile. Do what you have to do as a responsible parent (because you're not a deadbeat dad) and move on.

Either way, theres been old reports of guys who just went into their truck to read alone, I used to go to starbucks and write, some guys went and banged a lonely housewife.

Doesn't matter what you do, just that you do something and add some value

redxanaxe · 2016-10-07T19:38:54+00:00

Doesn't matter if you're out doing things alone or with 20 friends, the point is that you're having fun with or without her. If she turns you down or is being a ice queen and you leave, don't say "I'm going to a diner by myself to sulk", just say you're going out. If she inquired further tell her you're running errands, meeting a friend, going to a sex club, make something up, whatever, just make keep it light and don't be upset.

The point of leaving is to with drawn presence. It only works if she feels lonely/like she's missing out on something. The bigger point is to be filling your time with shit you actually enjoy instead of hanging around the house silently begging for pussy.

Griever114 · 2016-10-07T19:40:32+00:00

Is it pathetic to go eat dinner, or go hear a jazz trio at a whiskey bar, or similar by myself?

Absolutely not. You sound like you are still dealing with oneitits. Keep working on yourself and enjoying your life. Follow the dread steps and hopefully she will fuck you before you tell her to fuck off.

Persaeus · 2016-10-07T19:56:36+00:00

started the week after third child was born. My wife is breastfeeding.

Is she cleared by the doctor for sex? On the first two kids, how long did it take you to get back in the saddle?

Alpha_Rising · 2016-10-07T21:19:40+00:00

Breastfeeding is a total libido killer for a lot of women. Don't take it personally. It's not you, it's her.

A sports bar is a perfect place to get away alone. You're just another dude sitting at the bar watching the game. No stigma there, and it's usually easy to chat up the people sitting on either side of you, so within a few minutes you remove any appearance of being there alone.

As for what to tell her when you leave, I vote for telling her you're going to a cuddle party.

redmountainpill · 2016-10-07T21:47:34+00:00

I agree with what most guys are saying here. Sex shut down when my wife was breastfeeding. Blue pill me went out and banged another chick. But I was totally in the wrong frame. I'd make sure if you go that route, develop an ironclad frame in the (almost certain) eventuality that you get caught.

Otherwise, by all means go out and have fun alone. Also, take the other two kids out and have a fun time. Leave her at home with the shit monster. Hopefully the other kids will be raving about all the fun they had. Use this time to bond with those two. And maybe she won't be too tired to have some fun with you. And it's been two months since birth? That clit still works just fine.

All this shit that women talk about having low libido during breastfeeding is true-- hormones are out of whack and they can't help it. But goddammit you're in a marriage. If you want your husband to stick around you gotta drain his balls somehow.

DarkAges1 · 2016-10-08T00:41:47+00:00

Unless I misunderstand, dread level 3 isn't where you begin withdrawing your time, attention, presence, and affection is reaction to her bad behavior. That's level 4. Level 3 is just you getting some friends and hobbies that give you fun things to do outside the house.

Title	FR and questions
Author	prarrott
Upvotes	2
Comments	16
Date	October 7, 2016 7:28 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/56d65h/fr_and_questions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/fr-and-questions.207017 https://theredarchive.com/post/207017

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