Getting over my wife’s past

BecomingABetterMan1 · 2024-05-19T18:30:47+00:00

Yeah, most dudes in this sub had that exact experience.

What have you read on the sidebar, and are you getting the sex you want (quantity and quality)?

El0vution · 2024-05-19T20:14:23+00:00

You don’t have power over your or her past, but you have power over the present. Presently, are you higher SMV than her? Presently, could you fuck other girls if you wanted? Presently, are you a beast in life? If so, these present realities will become more real and outshine the past realities of which you’re afraid.

Spicy6Chord · 2024-05-20T00:03:13+00:00

I’m going through the exact thing right now. But I’ve been married 25 years and she just told me last week how she got caught with her boyfriend by her mom in the car in front of her house. It should have just been a funny story we could both laugh at and reminisce how stupid kids are. Talk about me being a pussy and letting my insecurities come out after being with her 30 years. It only strengthens my resolve to push myself at the gym, the sidebar, and life in general. It’s not a her problem. It’s our problem to own and overcome. Don’t let yourself go down a rabbit hole about how this has destroyed marriages and lives. Worry about yourself. Get yourself in order and start being the man you want to be, not the one you think she wants you to be.

PillUpAss · 2024-05-20T03:23:19+00:00

All this means is all you guys haven’t swallowed the red pill yet. Once you do, none of this surprises you anymore and you can truly ngaf in peace. She’s not yours, it’s just your turn. Keep grinding.

GreenNumberBlock · 2024-05-19T23:37:34+00:00

Would you feel differently if you had slammed a bunch of hoes before you met her?

I was like that with my first long term relationship. She wasn't a slut by any means, but wasn't a virgin and I was. Honestly, I only felt better after cheating on her. She was a great person and wife material, but the fact she wasn't a virgin really activated some insecurities in me since I purposely saved my virginity.

I'm sure my wife was a slut before I met her, but I've never asked. Only thing I know is that I've been a slut too, so I can't judge. All women are sluts. Some just control it better than others.

WishMeLuck77 · 2024-05-19T19:29:49+00:00

Yea, i can see that you’re too far into changing anything, sucks doesn’t it?

Don’t blame your wife, blame yourself for not understanding your problem correctly.

HoneydewOne48 · 2024-05-20T06:20:14+00:00

It's not as much as her notch count but the alpha impact on her. Are you someone who can imprint on her? Something to think about.

dolanthesemicolon · 2024-05-20T11:15:59+00:00

I have a similar-ish story so I'll puke it here and maybe there is something you can learn from it. Because if you don't turn into one of those "u/deleted" accounts, and you stick around, you'll potentially find yourself in a similar boat that I did.

Way back when I first dated Mrs Semicolon I had these same insecurities. Now, possibly not as bad as you, as I wasn't a virgin going into my relationship with her. But her "number" was higher than mine. Not by much, but enough to give me hamster brain. So, how did I get over this? Well... not for a long time.

For me my insecurities started to fester as a lot of anger. Shit man, I got really angry. I was consumed by it. I was so angry I was a complete dick to live with. Just a grumpy shit. I wasn't red-pill, I was an angry beta. I was nuking every comfort test like it was a shit test, implementing all those "acronyms" in the most idiotic fashion. I took DGAF to a whole new level. I was extremely angry at her, but at the same time, hiding it and pretending to not give a fuck. She'd have an insecurity about something, because I was obviously giving her no attention anymore, and I'd just take the piss out of her. Made her cry a few times and sat there with my DNGAF face. I was that bad I'm surprised we're still married to be honest.

But I needed to go through that anger phase. I needed to feel it. I let it fester too much and didn't cope with it correctly, but I think a lot of guys can't adjust properly without going through this. Where I got unstuck was I struggled to come out of it. I had a period where I did let go of the anger, and then I regressed right back into the anger phase again, and I had to walk away from the MRP forum for a while. But this time I was angry at myself. I felt like I was buried knee deep in the sunk cost fallacy, felt like I was stuck with having to persist with a way of living due to bad decisions by my former self.

The anger all but consumed me. Then one day whilst browsing, I think MRP, but it might have been elsewhere, I can't remember. I read a piece about methods to help let go of anger. One method was about owning all the anger and reasons behind the anger, and then using this to help you let go of it. So, I started a spreadsheet with the following columns on it, just these initially, as I needed to fill it up first:

Who/What am I angry at? (E.g. your wife)
What am I angry about? (E.g. she sat on other peoples cocks the bitch)
What was threatened? (E.g. your ego)

I starting by filling out the first 2 first. Let all the anger flow down the page. I am embarrassed to admit my wife appeared in the first column far more times than I expected. Then as I filled out the third column, "My Ego" made a pretty damning appearance in there. My poor little ego.

Moving on, as per the article, I added 2 more columns:

What was my part in it?
What should I have done, owned, or been on top of?

This was the good stuff. The bits that made me realise, I WAS THE PROBLEM. I either allowed this shit to happen, didn't set boundaries, didn't act like a man, allowed myself to be manipulated into things, allowed myself get into such an unattractive state. But that day was the first day I decided to give myself a break. I'm not dead (yet!) so I can turn this around. So on that day I made 1 decision.

I made a "Go" plan.

I even went as far as packing a bag. You see, a phrase you'll read here is "The stay plan = the go plan". Which is true, but the problem is, I see too many guys around here implementing a "stay" plan. The "What am I doing wrong" or the "This shit works" posts. All of them quite frankly reek of "A stay plan". Yes, yes, the "go" plan equals the "stay" plan, but you can't implement a stay plan! You have to implement the fucking "go" plan!

So I literally sat down with a white board one day, and I planned 3 things:

First, a fitness plan. A proper one. I picked Phraks Greyskull. I made an excel file and am tracking all of my weight progression for years now.

Am I jacked? Fuck no, I got lazy too many times, but got back on the horse. So I'm closer now that I ever was. You just need to keep persisting.

...

NoHardFeeliings · 2024-05-20T03:24:17+00:00

My brother, it’s not about who did it first but who did it right.

PoohTao · 2024-05-20T14:23:23+00:00

You created an entire relationship and marriage off of a lie (you being a virgin). This is 100% your problem. You should be furious at your own previous stupidity, not her. Sidebar is the only cure.

jamahldry · 2024-05-20T16:48:34+00:00

After reading this thread it’s made me realise how much I need to OYS. I thought I could do it by myself but I really don’t know what I don’t know.

RemyBucksington · 2024-05-20T10:20:18+00:00

This is why you never ask. Once you ask, you’ve lost.

SteveSan82 · 2024-05-20T05:00:24+00:00

I recently ended things with a plate because I was grossed out by her past. But you have kids.

If she isn’t doing anything wrong, then just keep working on yourself and sleep with other women. My wife seemed more interested in me when she suspected I was seeing other women. She caught me twice but I neither confirmed or denied anything .

I don’t know your wife, so be careful as not all wives are like this.

castironskilletset · 2024-05-21T09:14:31+00:00

Your wife can be replaced if thats what you want BUT you need to find a better replacement first and to that you need to become capable of finding a replacement. Get your head right, its not about your wife, its about you and your future.

GardenTreadmill · 2024-05-20T14:11:19+00:00

would you be angry the same way if your wife would suck your dick on a daily basis with enthusiasm? guess there is your answer (hint: it's not her)

Title	Getting over my wife’s past
Author	steppelord69
Upvotes	27
Comments	33
Date	May 19, 2024 11:53 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/1cvmjxr/getting_over_my_wifes_past/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/getting-over-my-wifes-past.1518940 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518940

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