Help internalizing NMMNG

andenyalaa · 2016-05-02T06:42:11+00:00

What have you done in order to feel instead of analyze?

Read NMMNG a while ago so I don't remember the details from the book with regards to this. But I'll tell you what I've learned from meditation.

Emotions are physical; anger (for example) isn't the rant going on in your head about what your bitch of a wife did and how she always does that and fuck her, it's the state your body is in. Pay attention to that, understand what anger is for you, where it lives in your body in; tenseness in your head, pain in your stomach however it manifests for you. Those aren't symptoms, those are the anger. Focus on it and get familiar with it in detail. Ignore the story around it and just feel what it is to be angry. Become a connoisseur of it, from mild annoyance to seeing-red fury. Not the story around it but the feeling itself. Learn to recognize it when it shows up. Here's anger again. Do this with all your emotions.

If you're reading NMMNG you've likely spent a lot of your life redirecting and suppressing negative emotions, but they were still happening and fucking you up. This is why nice guys are nice until they blow up fucking enraged, they ignore or suppress it until eventually it boils over and they can't hold it in anymore, then react not respond. Learn to identify and respond to your own feelings.

Emotions are not bad or good, they're indicators of your met and unmet needs and there is a lot of deep biological wisdom in them. Learn to listen to them.

You may think you're a poker face but women are very attuned to your emotions. Your body is betraying you, showing your cards to your woman. If you can't even see them yourself you're screwed, she can dance you around like a marionette.

il-est-ressuscite · 2016-04-29T02:35:36+00:00

How to feel instead of analyze? I usually start by stabbing myself really hard in the thigh with a knife. First, I feel that it hurts like a motherfucker. Then, I analyze the angle of penetration and just how sharp the knife is. Works every time.

ParadoxThatDrivesUs · 2016-04-29T05:32:22+00:00

I can't make heads or tails of your question. But I can guarantee you this: you definitely do not "analyze the situation before determining how you feel about it." That ain't how it works.

bogeyd6 · 2016-04-29T19:38:32+00:00

Nice Guys repress their feelings. Nice Guys tend to analyze rather than feel. They may see feelings as a waste of time and energy. They frequently try to keep their feelings on an even keel.

Would recommend you do Breaking Free Activity #3. Does not have to be from your childhood. You could do this for last week. You have to realize the triggers that cause this behavior and that's the point of the exercise. I don't believe the intention is for you to go through life feeling instead of analyzing. Repressing your feelings to yourself, not to others is what you have to stop.

MRPguy · 2016-04-30T01:15:56+00:00

Remove emotion from your decisions and frame (see stoicism). Understand that your perspective changes the situation and adds unnecessary baggage to it. See things for what they really are; don't add your feelings on top of it.

Adding your feelings to any situation, or allowing them to dictate your actions, will result in poor decisions and will stop any progress you are making. This applies to gaming your wife, lifting, diet, dress, shit tests, etc.

Your feelings and emotions will hold you hostage.

Example: your wife is shit testing you.

Negative response: why is she picking on me? I know this is a shit test but it is hurting my feelings. I want to yell at her and put her down. I know this will be a waste of time, but it will make me feel good. I need to put her in her place. She can't make me feel like this!

Positive response: I know why she is shit testing me. I'm busy with things to do. I will ignore her and carry on with my business.

EDIT: in the context of NMMNG, it's fine to have feelings and you need to break free from being a Nice Guy by being honest with YOURSELF about your desires and feelings. Recognize your motivations and be honest with those around you. But do not DEER your actions.

SorcererKing · 2016-04-30T01:54:33+00:00

I've been meaning to write a post on the role and purpose of emotion for awhile now. This gets to the same issues.

Emotions are a reaction to situations and ideas based on your values. So if your values are consciously and explicitly chosen then your emotions should be a good indicator of when situations are compromising your values. If not, introspection is needed.

UEMcGill · 2016-04-29T13:03:14+00:00

I started an answer but then I realized, this is a pretty shitty question. Reframe, readdress and provide and example and you may get a quality answer you need. Until then this is kind of a shit post.

irateMD · 2016-04-29T02:25:22+00:00

Are you planning to collate, categorize, and analyze the responses?

stonepimpletilists · 2016-04-29T18:04:04+00:00

Why not lead with your own example? If you read it and can't figure it out, what good is reading it twice going to do?

sh0ckley · 2016-04-30T01:57:22+00:00

First thing I had to do was know wtf my feelings were. I was that messed up. It's very difficult to not show my anger if I don't even know I'm angry. I would try to hide my anger by being a kiss ass and then it would get worse.

There are only a few basic emotions. Joy, Anger, Sadness, Fear and Shame. Once I started boiling down every emotional feeling I had to one of those - things got easier.

Also - anger is amoral. It's how I react to it that can be judged as skillful or not. Skillfully I maintain frame, am calm and my woman knows I am angry (because I also know) and I might walk away or even better - stand before her without budging. Unskillfully, I might criticize her or say something cruel - which will always make the situation worse because that is overt communication.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-04-30T18:58:38+00:00

I think you are over analyzing this.

ReddJive · 2016-05-03T15:23:02+00:00

ahhh.....

I

do

what

i

want.

Title	Help internalizing NMMNG
Author	Nucka574
Upvotes	3
Comments	18
Date	April 29, 2016 1:26 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4gx756/help_internalizing_nmmng/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/help-internalizing-nmmng.207459 https://theredarchive.com/post/207459

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