How to call out without vomit?

ImSteveMcQueen · 2018-04-16T04:48:26+00:00

I don't think it's "in her frame" to call her on this.

Just say, hey, I need to stay in touch with my daughter. We had a plan to FaceTime today and you missed it with no explanation. That is not acceptable. I'm a busy man. When we plan a FaceTime, I expect it to happen as planned.

Don't mention your feelings. Don't tell her you are mad. It's logistics, pure and simple. If she says she forgot, use an app like Google Calendar so that her mobile device reminds her next time.

simbarlion · 2018-04-16T05:11:14+00:00

Dude, I have been here long enough to know that you have long term battles with trust and OI with your wife. Now all due respect to your situation, fuck man, its tearing you up, second guessing whats going on, why this, why not that. Its got to change.

To call her / not call her on this is the least of your worries. You gotta go and get yourself a whole fuckton of Outcome independence, and put the red dot on your hamsters head once and for all.

Stop overanalysing each move. Play your own game.

EDIT: Re your daughter, you want to talk? Call her. Wife a PITA, tell her. What are you afraid of?

broneilbro · 2018-04-16T16:30:11+00:00

Copy. She sent me a text today stating she was sorry for missing FaceTime and we talked.

She skipped over it at first but she brought it up again. I told her that it was important that I connect with my daughter and she understood. Told her that I a simple text would have sufficed.

She tried to dog me and asked why I didn't call, I told her I don't do what others tell me they would. She hamstered at that and stated she was busy with xyz. I held and just stated it's important for us to connect (BR). She got the point and stated she will. I told her I appreciated it and moved on (reset).

druganswer · 2018-04-16T06:35:20+00:00

Dude...

What I would do (and to me this is not calling her out - and you should avoid turning this into a guilt trip like 'wah i'm so hurt i can't believe you would do this'):

"I would appreciate if you made sure that you/daughter are available when we make plans to facetime. I have limited free time while deployed and it is important to me to get in as much time with her/you both as I can."

You do give a fuck about speaking with your daughter (and possibly your wife?). Own it.

After that we're back to the point I have mentioned to you previously: you can't control her actions.

I agree with the others here. You are asking so many specific questions. Focus on the deeper concepts... the specifics will fall into line.

screechhater · 2018-04-16T10:57:57+00:00

It’s wholly important to understand that she knows she missed that call.

Once you decide to take your life back, get educated on what your rights are and get your affairs in order.

Want to talk to your daughter ? Call her. Doesn’t have s phone ? Call your wife until she answers. Then ask to speak to your daughter.

This is your life.

Get on the sidebar and decide what type of captain is in your past and what you are going to do to change and fully embrace the captain of the here and now.

Just FYI - you define you and you should not allow your wife’s actions dictate your life or leadership.

Wake the fuck up....... can’t talk to you because they are driving ? Lunch ? Etc ? Seriously ?

She knows. This is reason not to hamster. She is of low value.

Now - get to bettering you

ReddJive · 2018-04-16T14:06:06+00:00

What rank are you?

What would you do if a soldier/sailor under your command was in the way of accomplishing your mission? How would you respond?

Sepean · 2018-04-16T12:28:29+00:00

It's not about what you say. It's about the leverage behind your words.

If you're powerless you're just vomiting, like an employee complaining to his boss that he got skipped for the promotion.

If you're the boss, you can just lay out the land.

So, do you have options? Can you withdraw affection so it'll sting her?

RuleZeroDAD · 2018-04-16T15:05:37+00:00

You have already stated that your wife has some "guy tendencies" related to group activities, cars, etc...

Have you tried the "team" or "pit crew" analogies with her?

"When I'm away, I need to know that the rest of the crew is doing well. These talks keep my morale high, make me want to succeed for us that much more."

"Our daughter and our talks are important to me. When I'm blown off, I would rather find support in those I know have my back. If you don't have my back, I'll find alternative ways to spend time with our daughter without us together. Get your shit together, woman."

The distance sucks, but without unflappable frame and appearance on point during your talks, she's going to cash checks and check out.

BostonBrakeJob · 2018-04-16T17:37:54+00:00

You're masking your insecurity of the on-going situation with your wife as "this is about talking to my 3 year old daughter." I don't doubt that you want to hear your daughters voice and see her face, even if it is only on screen. But I think you're main objective here is getting your wife to answer the phone whenever you call, where ever she is at, so you can check in on her at all times because you're scared to death she's cheating.

How's that for calling someone out without getting pukey?

Title	How to call out without vomit?
Author	broneilbro
Upvotes	5
Comments	28
Date	April 16, 2018 4:32 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8ckzw2/how_to_call_out_without_vomit/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/how-to-call-out-without-vomit.204617 https://theredarchive.com/post/204617

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