Huge fight with LTR, help

FereallyRed · 2019-03-18T19:45:04+00:00

That domestic violence hotline should have taken your call, because you are the bitch in this relationship.

You really been crying about this for a year?

Show your work. What have you been doing? You're redpill aware but still not implementing, well, anything?

You're troll or just stupid.

11 big errors in that one paragraph of shit.

Pull out your tampon.

alpha-zach · 2019-03-18T19:41:24+00:00

Stfu? Don’t deer? Treat her like a child not an adult? Eliminate covert contracts?

I’m struggling to count the number of rules you broke here.

Sidebar much?

effyouasshole · 2019-03-18T19:43:45+00:00

She started screaming at me because she didn’t like my arguments

Firstly, never argue with a woman. Secondly, its rather suspicious that she started screaming over nothing. Like... suspicious in the mental-illness category.

I snapped and yelled

Loss of frame. Regardless of how this plays out, you need to reflect on what happened internally to evoke an emotional response.

It’s one of my boundaries.

This happens to be one of my boundaries as well. The key difference is that if people cross it, I don't have a meltdown. I leave the situation and minimize my attention to them (which is sometimes permanent).

I ended up calling a domestic violence hotline

Are you leaving out details? You don't mention being physically attacked.

It traumatized me so much, I’ve started smoking again.

Sounds like you've got deep problems that require therapy.

I kinda’d like to turn back time and not have started that damned unimportant discussion.

You'd only be kicking the can down the road. Her possible mental illness, your weak frame, and your possible poor choice of a partner would still exist. You'd only delay the inevitable.

I'd say your next move is to assess whether you LTR'ed the right woman. I'm thinking that answer is no. In that case, your first order of business is to make a clean break. It sounds like you live together, so get your shit out ASAP. After that, its time to address your personal problems/weak frame.

helaughsinhidden · 2019-03-18T19:31:47+00:00

didn’t like my arguments

Stop DEERING, didn't read any further

scarmine34 · 2019-03-18T20:37:25+00:00

Whatever you argued about wasn’t the real problem, obviously. With my wife, I’ve gotten pretty good at saying: “look- this does not warrant a screaming match- you are being silly. What is the actual problem?”

After the initial nuclear response, I give her a hug (whether she wants it or not- I pull her in gently, with a smile on my face and she gives in, it gets easier over time) and the stroke her hair and ask her what the actual problem is.

That’s my best piece of advice. Treat her like a 5 year old. Remember that you are an oak try, firm in your roots while she is the emotional hurricane blowing around you. That’s how you prevent losing your cool. And, as she is acting like a 5 year old remember- you are the adult and the adult always wins.

man_in_the_world · 2019-03-18T23:14:44+00:00

I snapped and yelled at her to stop screaming at me.

I am always civil.

These are contradictory, you hypocritical liar.

I have previously told her not to yell at me for any reason. It’s one of my boundaries.

You can't enforce this boundary this way, so it's not a boundary.

I asked if she wanted to apologize.

Why you shouldn't care if your wife doesn't apologize.

weakandsensitive · 2019-03-18T19:44:47+00:00

not sure what you expected to happen.

pathfinder52 · 2019-03-18T19:59:52+00:00

Don't dicker. Dick her.

Some basic concepts here you are missing... don't DEER... DARE instead.

You get respect for actions in response to behavior.

You don't tell her you won't be treated like a particular way.

You vote with your feet. LTR...might need a demotion.

I asked if she wanted to apologize.

What is the point of that? Apologies come unbidden or they mean nothing.

Doesn't seem like you've read much of the sidebar. Start there with the extra time you're going to have after putting anything else with her on indefinite hold.

And it's not about the the discussion/argument. It's your SMV is at a level she doesn't respect.

Redpillbrigade17 · 2019-03-18T21:27:47+00:00

17th Commandment of Poon: never argue with a woman.

It’s as simple as that. Break this rule and you lose. You go down the drain.

HornsOfApathy · 2019-03-18T20:22:43+00:00

For the good love of all things holy, I declare you a frameless faggot. Why are you even posting in here??? Nevermind, I'll take a moment to give you the MRP response that would be helpful if you even sidebar. Seriously, I'm here to help. But mostly I'm feeling nice today because my wife blew me last night in a very special way that didn't involve being so far stuck up her ass.

I had a huge fight with my LTR over something truly inconsequential.

She didn't have a fight with you, you're right. You had a fight with your frame, and lost.

I snapped and yelled at her to stop screaming at me.

Congratulations, you're a faggot without frame.

I was very upset,

Little boys and fags get upset. I think you're a grown man so... Faggot.

It’s one of my boundaries. I am always civil.

Is it now? Is that really one of your boundaries? If it was you should have just removed yourself or not engaged. You don't engage with people that violate boundaries. They should know without a doubt they've crossed a line. You're always civil? Keep telling yourself that, faggot. Were you civil here? Answer the fucking question.

You're a frameless fag.

I asked if she wanted to apologize.

Asking mommy if she still likes you, how cute.

I ended up calling a domestic violence hotline that night

Why? Because mommy yelled at you? I'm just going to presume that you called it because you were a scared little boy of mommy yelling at you some more. Please tell me there was violence? I'll happily retract my statement of calling you a faggot for calling a support line if it indeed crossed a violent line.

Until then, sorry dude - you're still being a fag.

... when I wanted to talk about it she said she was busy.

You're do deep in her frame, and she knows it. I bet part of your plan of "talking" about it would likely include seeking validation for an apology or even worse, offering one of your own. Amirite?

Fucking hell, dude.

I’ve had a rough time to leave it behind me and reset each day.

Damn, your fee fees got hurt. That's because you're still acting like a faggot. Real, quality men can reset. Stop being a pussy - what are you going to do about it?

It traumatized me so much, I’ve started smoking again.

Oh wow, really? It hurt your fee fees so you choose to smoke because mommy got mad? I like smoking sometimes too, but not because my asshole was gaped wide open by my wife. I mean, we haven't tried that yet and it's not really my gig but it sure seems like yours.

Things were going well, I kinda’d like to turn back time and not have started that damned unimportant discussion.

Too bad. You failed her shit test. This was ONE GIANT SHIT TEST you have failed. She tested your frame, you yelled at her. She left. She came back and you asked mommy for an apology. She laughed at your faggot ass. You're so fucking deep in her frame I don't even want to know how many times you've changed your panties these last few days because your pussy was so wet from crying tears.

Pussy tears, bro. I've never thought of that but shit - you should market those and sell them overseas. I bet some other fags would pay a fortune for them.

What’s your take on this?

Like, you know, stop being a fag? Read the sidebar and lift.

0io- · 2019-03-18T19:57:16+00:00

The standard advice that works well for a woman yelling and screaming and being bitchy is to STFU. You can calmly wait for her to finish, if you think she's going to calm down; or if it's really bothering you you can politely walk away and go make better use of your time. It's a big loss of frame to get sucked in to the argument.

Imagine you're an important person walking to your important place to go and some smelly bum in the alley starts insulting you, your religion, your parents, your clothes, etc. Are you going to stop what you're doing to go in the alley and argue with him? "I'm wearing a fancy suit, you're a beggar. My parents were noblemen and you are a drunkard..." It's a pointless waste of your time. There's no need to think of a snappy comeback.

Anyway, you should be genuinely uncaring about whatever nonsense she shouts at you. You can agree with anything she says that's true. If she says "you're a fat ugly stupid man and you don't even write bug-free code" you can say "yes, I'm a man, and sometimes my code is buggy." But you don't let it ruin your day or make you start smoking again.

Conversation should go like this:

Her: STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF Waaahh I hate you STUFF STUFF STUFF

You: I can be an asshole sometimes. I don't like to argue. Want to have sex?

Her: OK

or

Her: WAHHH STUFF STUFF STUFF More stuff WAAah I still hate you STUFF STUFF

You: I have to go to the gym now. Bye.

redwall92 · 2019-03-18T20:11:40+00:00

You've got a boundary that says you are not to be yelled or screamed at? ... and that SHE must always remain civil?

Any 14yo middle-school girl will call that bullshit out first time you raise your voice.

You should try having kids, bro. The fucks you are giving leave you with nothing left to play with at the end of the day.

pathfinder52 · 2019-03-19T02:31:27+00:00

Looks like the triage is done and the bleeding stopped. Now I need to ask why it's even coming to this? Are you providing emotional stimulation, or is she being pushed to seek it out the best way she knows how?

RedPillCoach · 2019-03-27T05:13:07+00:00

Tried to reason with an angry woman.

It didn't work.

How can I make my arguments so compelling and incisive that she will be forced to admit she was wrong and I am right?

Ummmm.....

OK, I will bite. For starters, stop trying to control your woman like that. You can't win this game. Do you know what the only winning move is?

Here is your hint: Arguing with a woman is like global thermonuclear war. It is a strange game.

KznRob · 2019-03-29T22:19:33+00:00

Many people here giving you great similar advice.

In Patrice O'neal's words. "Take the L." Setting boundaries means you are willing to take the loss if she walks away.

BostonBrakeJob · 2019-03-19T02:47:23+00:00

Look dude, if the way she speaks to you crosses a line. Then fine. But own it while you do some reflecting in the meantime.

The fact you went nuclear isn't the issue here. The fact you "enforced a boundry"....and then took to ask MRP to make sure you "handled it correctly" is the issue. We don't get to tell you that.

screechhater · 2019-03-21T10:13:38+00:00

WTF ?

Read. Lift.

friendandadvisor · 2019-03-25T13:00:00+00:00

We have had contact again but when I wanted to talk about it she said she was busy.

When you call her, don't say 'we have had contact again'. You fool nobody. Be a man.

Break up with her, you faggot. Her shrieking at you shows how little you are worth to her.

friendandadvisor · 2019-03-25T13:02:35+00:00

STOP!

First things first: What medications are you taking? For what condition?

JameisBong · 2019-03-21T08:20:03+00:00

You have to be a troll, nothing else can explain your indecisiveness. A bitch yelled at you and you called some number to discuss your feels?End your imaginary LTR. If she hasn't fucked someone already,she will. She knows you don't have any balls to leave her.

Title	Huge fight with LTR, help
Author	pathfinder52
Upvotes	2
Comments	65
Date	March 18, 2019 7:28 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/b2mxl8/huge_fight_with_ltr_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/huge-fight-with-ltr-help.222459 https://theredarchive.com/post/222459

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