Married 10 years with 4 kids. Been reading MRP for 2 months. Lifting and dressing better with better attitude and making gains in SMV.

After reading the materials I have come to realize that I have been BP with sprinkles of Alpha. Most of the issues is due to my lack of leadership.

I had left my house in mid-Aug due to her being excessively verbally abusive by cursing at me (saying terrible things such as calling me a fucking piece of shit); she tries to control me leaving the house (go the gym at 9pm for a couple hours); playing with money (moving out of her account to another hidden account).

The last straw was that my wife was going back to work after her maternity leave. She wanted to drop the 2 ypungest kids off at daycare for the two days that she goes into the office. However I work from home and can have my parents help watch the kids. She refused to allow this as she has longstanding competitive nature between our families (the score has to be higher for her family which includes spending time with out children... very aggravating). I offered a compromise to send 1 child to daycare and my parents and I will watch one. Two weeks later I get an invoice with both kids booked. I tell her that she needs to cancel one and go along with the compromise I offer or I would be forced to leave. She refuses and I leave.

Over the last couple months I have swallowed the pill, my wife wants me back home but I can't go back with these dynamics. She wants me back and I have indicated that she needs to start by taking the kids out of daycare and allowing me to watch the kids. She has finally broke and said she will take them out of daycare. However she wants to try and punish me by saying I have to wake up extra early to take care of the kids and pick up the older two early from school (they are in aftercare since I am not home). She still refuses to drop the kids off at my parents where I am staying (both as punishment and as the competitive jealousy) I feel that she hasn't changed her controlling ways. She still thinking parenting is a competition.

How do I address the rationalization hamster where she justifies her actions with semi-legitmate reason? E.g. she says she can't drop the kids off at my parents because they don't have a crib and is too much of an inconvenience. She says this in spite of her parents not having a kid and that my parents house is on the way to her job where she currently drops off he kids... i.e. no change in her routine except to drop kids at parents nstead of daycare.