I’m still new here. I been reading everyday. Watching rians videos. Lifting 4 times a week. And working on STFU.

We have kids and work opposite schedules. So we don’t get much time together. She’s at home with the kids a lot more than I am Bc of work.

Before I discovered this sub. We were arguing all the time. I had brought up going to counseling a bunch of times. She pretty much wasn’t on board. Fast forward to me finding this sub. I start hitting the gym. Taking care of the house. Being a better dad. And STFU. in this time. She wasn’t doing anything for herself. No gym which she used to go to religiously. No reading. Drinking all the time. Etc.

We had an event she drove home drunk after I told her not to a number of time. This is where I made my first boundary. “You need to get control of your drinking. Or this is over” she actually agreed. Stop drinking. And started reading and doing things around the house again.

Things were going very well. Was starting to get a lot of comfort test. Made sure to show more love. Today we get a day together. Another good day.

Then out of the blue she asks did you find a couples counselor. I say, No. She asked why not. I said I been working on myself. She asks how? I say, I think you know. She said I don’t tell me. I fuck up and DEER. and then say. What have you been doing? This turns into a fight. I stop it and say I’m not arguing about this.

She says, so now all of a sudden you don’t want counseling. Where have you been getting your help from? I can’t say here. So I freeze and say. The books I been reading. Long story short. She says she’s not happy and our communication lately has been terrible. I STFU. we were supposed to go the grocery store together. She calms down and we go. On the way. She goes, so all I got from our conversation earlier is that you won’t get help with me. I said I don’t want counseling anymore. I am working on myself and changed my mind. She says she’s not happy. She tells me to turn around and take her home. I say nothing. Turn the car around. And drop her off.

Now I sit in the parking lot writing this wondering where to go from here. I’m stuck in a pickle because I look like I don’t care about the relationship if I keep shutting down counseling. Which at first was my idea. I get why she’s confused. How do I get through this without blowing the lid on finding this place?

Edit: like I said I’m new and have read a lot of shit so it’s a lot to absorb. So I’m sure I fucked up so many time through out this. So any criticism is appreciated