Three months into a MAP after getting the ILYBINILWY after the 25th anniversary. Drunk Captain, literally and figuratively, for many years. Wife would prefer to bounce and make a new life for herself at this point, but has not left. Lately she has started doing something that I’m confused on…new behavior from her.

We still attend events and social gatherings as a couple. But the last 3 planned events she has asked me several times if I was going to the event. This is after we had discussed the event and it was clear that I was planning to go. She asks two or three times leading up to the event. I don’t know if this is a shit test or a passive message that she would prefer I reconsider and not go with her. I’m sure comfort test is not in the mix because she doesn’t really want to be with me anyway.

My response is usually something like, "I was planning on it, but I can find something else to do if you don't want me there." She then says, "No, I don't care if you go I was just not sure if you were going." I know my response sucks. I should just say yes or no and then STFU.