Do you pay on dates?

Tiway22 · 2014-06-10T19:47:01+00:00

I almost always split.

It's a good litmus test - if they're cool with it (and most are) proceed normally. If they're not cool with it you just saved a lot of time and money.

captainbloodd · 2014-06-10T17:37:49+00:00

Everybody has a different take on this. If you want to pay, then pay. If you want to split the bill, then split it. Basically do whatever the fuck you feel like doing without giving a shit what she thinks.

[deleted] · 2014-06-10T20:59:43+00:00

The sidebar material says that paying for a date is a way to thank her for something that she has done. If you don't have a reason to pay, but pay anyways, then she may take that as a sign of you being an unconditional provider (beta).

In a relationship you need some beta, and dates imply relationship. The tendency when converting from blue to red is to maintain too much blue pill, so I'd say err on the side of being red.

Remember that red pill pisses women off, but it doesn't drive them away. That is the most fundamental lesson that red pill perspective on the sexes can give you.

cosmitz · 2014-06-10T22:15:39+00:00

Split. Always. Most of the women i date actually themselves insist to at least split. Keeping both sides independent is important.

TankVet · 2014-06-10T18:04:53+00:00

If I ask her out, I pay. If she asks me out, I let her pay. I don't make the check a big deal. If it's a significant financial investment, you shouldn't be eating out.

SenorPuff · 2014-06-10T20:06:14+00:00

I, as a rule, don't pay for her on the first date, and I make sure she knows it. There are some exceptions and logistics involved with maintaining that, limitations on where we go as a result, etc.

pleasedontknowme30 · 2014-06-10T17:58:04+00:00

I am sole income provider married, so I always pay regardless... but I have always followed a general rule that if YOU ask someone to lunch, for personal or business reasons, the expectation is you are paying for lunch. If a recruiter calls me up and wants to meet up, I go expecting to still pay, but they typically pick up the tab. If its coffee, etc.. with a girl, I don't see a big deal of picking up a $6 tab. If it's at a bar or something, I could see having some fun with it "you know what...you like me? get me a drink bitch! (in a funny tone)" and maybe they buy. But if you are the one asking someone to take time and come meet you, its more of a respect thing from my point of view. If it's a mutual, "hey we should grab something to eat" with a friend, girl, whomever...then sounds like a split scenario.

kingjerksupreme · 2014-06-10T21:24:55+00:00

If I asked, yes. My go to date is going out for drinks… Its a pretty cheap date & we all know alcohol fuels passion… I pay with my card & ask them if they have cash for the tip, to save myself a couple bucks…. Don't by girls drinks that you just meet at a bar. A lot of them just collect free drinks, or even take them to their boyfriends. I think you know better than to be the nice guy buying for girls affection.

aaron_the_just · 2014-06-11T01:54:13+00:00

Until sex has occurred, dutch. If sex (or other amazing qualities have been displayed) reward away.

fiat_lux_ · 2014-06-11T04:22:56+00:00

I generally do what I personally consider fair. If the meal is an insignificant amount to me, but too much for her budget, then I'd pay. Most people I know are considerate enough that they don't pick places outside their budget. If we end up in such a place, it's likely that I picked it.

Besides that, I actually consider effort investment. I actually think I slack off a lot on how I dress relative to how much effort I see women put into their looks for dates. So much time and money put into it makeup and outfits. If it's flattering, I consider it fair to take the bill.

I have a fairly reasoned approach to this, so I've never feared being blunt about why I choose to foot the bill or not when it becomes an issue.

ADarkerNight · 2014-06-11T04:32:58+00:00

I'm allergic to dates. I might as well go buy a hooker here. They are cheaper and way less trouble.

Better to go somewhere fun and interesting, good experiences are cheap. Something that gets her blood pumping, the adrenaline flowing. Something dangerous, a little forbidden. That kind of stuff doesn't cost money. Maybe we'll get a snack or some street food. Maybe I'll pay, maybe I won't, depending on my mood. Back to my place for movies.

If we are doing dinner, she's cooking. If I'm trying to spend money on a girl, I'll get a real hooker. At least she'll bring her friends.

Lok_Die · 2014-06-11T05:47:34+00:00

I like to control everything I'm involved in. I don't give a woman the chance. On the flipside if she doesn't make me food, I drop her.

BitingInsects · 2014-06-11T09:06:17+00:00

Splitting for the first few dates is good. Paying kind of sets the tone for the relationship, then if you feel like splitting later or her paying for you.. it becomes out of the ordinary.

aaron_the_just · 2014-06-11T16:22:39+00:00

I do, but I don't recommend most men do. I only pay in situations where my frame is strong, or where paying elicits social dominance--for example, going to places my date can't afford that she doesn't really want to go to, but I want to go to.

The average guy needs to limit himself to no more than $5 at a coffee shop spent on a girl.

mrust · 2014-06-17T04:05:18+00:00

If you are in the habit of always paying definitely stop and see what you are capable of getting away with, especially with new girls.

The problem with paying is that it sets a precedent and if you do it twice it becomes expected. You will set the tone of the relationship and probably not the one you want.

Once you are comfortable not paying, then you can choose when to pay and when not to pay. In general:

don't go out for a meal on a day 2
do pay for a coffee - just not a big deal or worth coming off as a cheapskate
go rounds on drinks - and keep your drinking down

Be conscious of her attitudes.. Some cultures it is expected and won't hurt you.. Sometimes it is better to hold frame and not pay even if it will complicate logistics. You decide.

Worst reasons to pay: It's expected / She deserves it Best reasons to pay: You want to reward her / Logistics

raceAround126 · 2014-06-10T21:14:58+00:00

Actually a girl asked me to split a bar tab with her. It was funny. I was expecting to pay it (I asked her out, etc)

But yea, she just turned around and asked, as if I was going to leave her with it.

It depends on the girl and the date. If it's a big bill, I'll definitely tell her we're splitting it. If it's small, then I don't mind.

As a general rule, if the girl wants to go somewhere I know is expensive on the first date, I'll decline along with any future invitations. I've done the whole blue pill £200 restaurant bills before. Never again for this guy!

Title	Do you pay on dates?
Author	Unknowndistress
Upvotes	19
Comments	32
Date	June 10, 2014 5:35 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/27swmr/do_you_pay_on_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/do-you-pay-on-dates.140239 https://theredarchive.com/post/140239

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