Dynamic with Ex who Cheated

praguetologist · 2020-09-09T16:09:40+00:00

How do you know all of this if you went no contact?

sdfsdaaasw · 2020-09-09T19:23:13+00:00

[deleted]

UEMcGill · 2020-09-09T20:08:02+00:00

Two things you need to look at to gain perspective. First is her ego. Second is her actions.

There's tale after tale from some of our very best redpill chads talking about how they just got done smashing some dudes wife or fiance who sits there telling him after she just did ass to mouth about a), how she loves her husband, and b) she doesn't want to leave him (or some fucked up version of it). One minute its "Oh god I love your dick in my ass" and the next it's "He'll make a great father"

On it's face its all kinds of fucked up. You're treating her like a 100 baht Thai hooker and she's telling you how wonderful her cuck chump is at home.

Here's the rub. She not telling you this for your information. She's saying all this for her own ego. How can she justify her outlandish and whorish behavior yet still be ok with her own actions? That's the hamster wheel of rationalization at work. If I say it enough, and feel like I mean it, It'll be true.

So why is she going through drastic measures to get you back? Because her behavior offended her own sensibilities so bad she needs some way to justify it. She can play the repentant woman, and then wash herself of her sins. She's not doing this for your benefit, but her own.

throwawayandtossout · 2020-09-09T17:21:01+00:00

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eazy_ · 2020-09-09T18:37:43+00:00

leaving needs to be on their terms. coming back to take your soul on the way out the door this time.

2020-09-09T21:32:52+00:00

[deleted]

i-am-the-prize · 2020-09-09T18:14:43+00:00

she obviously regrets her decision.

you need to stop letting her stoke your ego, it shows you still have feels, even if you think you don't.

be proud, one more time... then put it away and really move on. all she's done is validate the sidebar, look at her like a bug under a microscope, then move on, once you've learned from it- but do NOT put that bug on your wall in bronze to look at every day and long for. no, move on.

elbananerozoy · 2020-09-09T17:20:03+00:00

There can be no dynamics with an ex who cheated on you

mrrooftops · 2020-09-09T20:31:02+00:00

So they can launder their guilt and do it again knowing they were forgiven by the same person before.

Shieldless_One · 2020-09-09T21:56:51+00:00

Women and logic don’t agree and what shes doing to you is called manipulation. She probably still wants someone to cuddle with, someone to guilt into watching vampire diaries with, someone to cook/eat with her because women are insecure and fee like losers if they are single and alone. Drop this bitch and move on, you’ll be better for it.

cglehosit · 2020-09-09T22:24:46+00:00

She’s not trying to get you back, she’s trying to get your attention and create drama to go on the soap opera roller coaster so she can tell all her friends how much of a JERK you are, so she was justified in her cheating. Know the difference.

skyrunner22 · 2020-09-09T22:41:26+00:00

When she feels you are beta, she thinks she can manipulate you to crack. You have no boundaries and are weak so if she just gives you a little feminine energy eventually you will come back to her and then she can leave you on her terms. You still have utility for her, she still has use for you or you help her execute her dating strategy.

There are women out there no matter how bad they have acted in a relationship weak men still accept them and how dare you think you can be better than that. Be the weak little beta you are and get back in your place, so she thinks. If you placed her on pedestal and yourself below her, you acting this way is very incongruent, she feels she can break you eventually. You even hearing her out or even caring this many months later might be proving her right

rebuildingMyself · 2020-09-09T22:50:58+00:00

The branch she swung to from you broke or wasn't as awesome as she thought it was going to be.

Casanova-Quinn · 2020-09-09T22:51:21+00:00

It’s because of ego. If you take a woman back after cheating you’re demonstrating to her that she has value. She begs to get to back together to validate her ego. If you take her back, she gets her validation and now she’s no longer interested. Women hate being rejected, they don’t want to be the “loser” in a breakup.

djc_tech · 2020-09-09T23:22:55+00:00

You’re thinking too much about it. I won’t repeat what others have said (Briffaults law, light switch effect) but what you need to keep in mind is if you take her back she won’t respect you. The minute you show even the slightest beta behavior she’ll shit you down.

You have two options: Plate and use her for sex. This can only be done if you can separate your emotions. If you can’t then don’t try it

Just move in. When she calls ignore it. Don’t pick up if it’s a number you don’t know. If she leaves you messages delete them

If the harassment gets too much I’d consider a restraining order. It’s a total nuke option but she’ll get the hint that way for sure. If she does not you know for a fact you’re dealing with a mentally unstable woman

Lateralanouncer · 2020-09-09T23:24:10+00:00

One of the challenges being alpha (attractive) is promiscuous (multiple and indiscriminate with sexual partners) woman will try and give up there ways for you. When in an ltr she will have to fight her sexual itch and as her morals around sex are indiacriminate with you or anyone else he cheating has little or no meaning.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2020-09-10T01:31:36+00:00

This is typical Narcissist or Borderline behavior. So is the egregious cheating and lying.

The issue is you stuck your dick in a crazy chick.

It's not your fault that you got taken in and chumped by her. You're dealing with someone who enjoys lying as much as they enjoy pizza and feels absolutely zero guilt or fear about doing it. Get up. Sip her morning coffee, get to work lying to people like it's her dream job.

Why do women who cheat in a LTR go to drastic measures to try and get you back,

Narcissism.

saying things like “it’s my biggest regret in life”

Anytime someone rejects or has to set boundaries with such an exceptional, powerful, awesome person as them, it's the greatest thing they've ever regretted in their amazing life.. until the next regrettable thing happens to them few minutes later. So yeah she might actually feel some regret although the fact she keeps repeating the term "regret" indicates she protests too much. It's just not the kind of regret you've ever felt.

having relatives and friends reach out on their behalf,

Recruiting the pichfork toting orbiters, whiteknights and cronies to do their dirty work.

This is typical of narcissists, borderlines, histrionics, etc. They love this kind of crap. They just don't pull out the big guns much because it's a lot of work getting people that riled up and eager to do their business. They have to keep excellent track of which lies they told whom.

seeming like a complete mess in the aftermath (sometimes for months)

..... whenever she thinks you're looking.

It's unfortunate that you think the self-pity act is real.

Meanwhile she's copying and pasting her old nude selfies to a couple more of her other orbiters and telling her how horny she is for that specific dude, x4.

....while apparently knowing they will lose all respect for the man (as if it hasn’t already been lost) once/if they take them back?

If you were at my place asking this, I feel like this would be a good time to pause, light up a bowl and pass it around.

Anyway, you're not dealing with someone who has the mental hardware or maturity to experience sophisticated emotions such as respect or value.

You're dealing with someone who stopped developing emotionally at about age 2. Respect was never installed in the building. 2 year olds have no values.

who perhaps I shouldn’t have promoted to a LTR, that cheated on me in perhaps the most disrespectful way possible.

That was the time you found out about it.

If you really feel like playing relationship detective, you'll probably be finding more dirt about her for years. I'd encourage you not to bother with that, however. Just accept that nothing she showed you was authentic or of substance. It was all House of Cards type shit.

In any case she was probably getting bored of how easy you were at that point. She wanted to see just how big of a dildo she could shove down your throat before you choked and told her you couldn't handle. Or see if you'd start crying and telling her how much you loved her. You know, just for shits and giggles. Like kids poking an ant nest.

At worst she could just branch swing to guy #2, or 3 or 4.

I plated her for a year before promoting her to a LTR. We dated for 5 years. I changed my demeanor to be serving her, striving to be a good boyfriend,

She knew a tool with a desire to prove himself when she saw him.

Complain a few times about not validating her enough and not being the good boyfriend she really wanted. This can have a powerful effect. Most people will work 3x as hard to avoid the mere feeling of fear and shame as they will to avoid the actual thing they're afraid of.

This behavior of yours is no coincidence. She knew you had fears of inadequacy and didn't see yourself as the prize. Then she gradually tightened the screws on those insecurities and anxieties whenever you did something that she didn't want. And because you were invested in those fears, you had no reason to suspect she might have been full of shit when she complained about basically anything. You listened.

I’ve been plating many women over the last 8 months, and yet she keeps insisting we get back together,

Oooops. You didn't block the cheating slag everywhere. That was a mistake.

and that what happened was a huge regret, an anomaly, blah blah blah.

Delete. Block.

The begging never seems to end

Do 18 month old toddlers, ever stop whining and crying for mommy's and daddy's attention?

No, they do not. Not sure what else you'd expect from someone of that emotional level. Only she ain't your . Ignore the crying child.

and she still tries to use me for emotional support, which I continue to shut down.

You don't need to shut anything down. Just block and delete. Then delete and block. Whiny babies gonna whine. Your not her parents. Why the fuck do you care?

I think me being alpha in the aftermath

That's cute, Mr. I'm too afraid of hurting her precious feelings to fully cut her off.

moving my life forward, starting a business/advancing my career, getting gains at the gym) has driven up my value to her,

In as much as a leech values a decent patch of warm skin it can suck sweet blood from, when you brush it off.

Why do you care whether an emotional parasite might find you more delicious or not?

beardestbird · 2020-09-09T20:50:16+00:00

This is funny because had you not acted beta she might have not cheated. The chicken or the egg scenario for who’s at fault really.

But seriously move on. It’s the best thing

Tambamwham · 2020-09-09T16:58:10+00:00

This won’t go over well here on this sub but it doesn’t always have to be over after she cheats. And it’s easy to say that it should be until it’s your front door that it gets brought to. But that’s up to her to earn you back. And as for a woman losing respect for a man that takes her neck after she cheats... it’s not really the case when the guy makes her do actual work and make huge changes to earn a shot at reconciliation.

Walk me through the details of her infjdelity

sdfsdaaasw · 2020-09-09T17:07:47+00:00

[deleted]

Title	Dynamic with Ex who Cheated
Author	sdfsdaaasw
Upvotes	35
Comments	81
Date	September 9, 2020 3:57 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ipin69/dynamic_with_ex_who_cheated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/dynamic-with-ex-who-cheated.212444 https://theredarchive.com/post/212444

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