Has anyone ever successfully fully stopped being a 'nice guy'?

Us3rn4m321 · 2018-06-23T06:45:05+00:00

It's not your nature. It's what you have been socialised and conditioned to believe and behaviour by society. You'll always be a nice guy until you've realised that your nature is to go your own way. That has been the case for 10 000 years of evolution...don't let a modern gynocentric society, which has only been around for decades, hold you back from being an independent, self-relient man who puts himself and his needs first. You don't owe shit to the world or anyone. It's your life, no need to be a nice guy

JaspersChest · 2018-06-23T03:53:07+00:00

You said you've been trying for years, in what ways have you tried?

TheRedPillMonkey · 2018-06-23T11:48:11+00:00

The problem is your confusing "nice guy" for being a little bitch pushover.

Do you own your actions? Take responsibility for all things? Work hard to identify what you should do to improve and do it? Take criticism as feedback and make adjustments? When something goes wrong, do you complain or adjust, adapt and overcome? Do you speak your mind and voice your opinion?

Or do you just complain when things go wrong? Get defensive with any criticism? Play more videogames than time spent in the gym? Do you hide your opinions for fear of offending someone or to please others? Do you go out of your way to please others?

Take responsibility for yourself. Live your fucking life. Clean your fucking room. Hit the fucking gym. Don't care what other people think of you. Don't get butthurt over their feedback and criticisms. Look in the mirror, and realize the man you are, identify the man you want to become, and get on mission with nobody getting in your way. And yes, it's hard. Nothing worth doing is easy.

You can still do that shit while volunteering at a homeless shelter or dog rescue, that would be a nice thing to do. But you're not nice, you're just told that because it's to polite to call you a little bitch.

BrutalMan420 · 2018-06-23T05:32:51+00:00

i find if you internalize an acceptance of the nature of women (lying self serving childish manipulative etc. Awalt) its pretty easy to stop being nice. problem is you have the pussy on a pedestal. youre probably thinking that “not all girls” or “some are nice” or some fantasy crap like that. yeah well good luck being a sucker. you wanna be a chump your whole life or do you want to be a real man?

NJA4242 · 2018-06-23T06:49:34+00:00

Tons of people here have. What exactly have you done to get your balls back? Let's work from there.

si1ma31 · 2018-06-23T07:50:57+00:00

There is no "fully" as you're constantly evolving. But as you get more experience, you'll start to define your boundaries better. Each event that makes you feel like too much of a nice guy is a data point that shapes your boundaries. Just have to be active enough socially for it to build up.

UnbreakableFrame · 2018-06-23T04:03:46+00:00

Yes. I've gradually been getting better and better about it. You are the sum of your habits. When a Christian wants to follow the words of Jesus, they don't read the Bible once. They read the Bible daily, go to church at least once a week, and possibly participate in small groups.

You need to find a book or resource that you can treat like a Bible. NMMNG is not a bad idea. You need to constantly have awareness of what both being a nice guy and not being a nice guy looks like. Always have these things at the forefront of your thoughts throughout the day.

You can do it.

_the_shape_ · 2018-06-23T08:14:34+00:00

Maybe you're trying to jump too many gears at once?

So, let's say "nice guy" is all the way on one end, and "not a nice guy" (i.e. "asshole") is on the other, why not shift it into neutral first? Why not try not responding at all for awhile? Try starting there, and then work your way up to being more assertive, more affirmative, with a good, solid foundation no longer built on a knee-jerk response mechanism tailored to meet the wishes and approval of others, but on stillness and calm in the presence of others.

Trp2166 · 2018-06-23T12:46:11+00:00

I absolutely have. I naturally have an alpha personality, but I was incredibly insecure which kinda overrode it. Once I began to overcome that I realized the type of person I was and got back to my old self quick.

purplefidgetmidget · 2018-06-23T15:40:53+00:00

I'll always be a guy that wants to tell women how much I like them and how great they are, and put their needs first. I don't think anyone can really change their nature if that is their way.

However I don't act upon it at all. I act strictly according to trp and keep an iron frame as much as I can. I understand that this is what will get women, and that this is what they really want.

LeftAndRed · 2018-06-23T18:56:50+00:00

You may be high in agreeableness as a personality trait. Look for ways to control that.

I am naturally low in conscientiousness and have to actively work to increase it.

We all have different traits. Be aware of which ones make you stronger or better.

Diabolo_Advocato · 2018-06-23T21:01:32+00:00

The key to your issue is that you care what others think. It’s not wrong to have a conscious need for other’s approval/respect

The question is who’s do you want? Your boss? Your best friend, the attractive cashier at the grocery store?

Figure out what they want from you and make the effort to obtain that approval/respect. You are “the nice guy” because you want ALL women to approve and respect you, and that ain’t gonna happen. You could be the ripest, juciest, most delicious peach on the tree, and some people just don’t like peaches. Focus your energy on individuals instead of groups.

Mr_Badass · 2018-06-24T14:44:11+00:00

Look up Richard Grannon on YouTube. Most nice guys are the victim of childhood abuse and have Complex Post Traumatic Disorder. The biggest thing you have to change is your locus of control from external to internal. This means that you decide that you're in control of your life instead of external events, people, disadvantages controlling you.

M23W0OH7FV2t · 2018-06-23T06:22:01+00:00

change what is the core of your nature and keep relapsing after a while

This is why some recommend reading and re-reading the sidebar repeatedly, I suppose. I took that a step further, I've taken copious notes on every link as mind maps and redo them every week as part of my Sunday morning wind-down, instead of going to mosque as I gave up religion when my brother committed suicide.

manwithoutwire · 2018-06-23T04:40:39+00:00

Right here. I treat women like subhumans. I'm still not getting laid but I feel better not being walked on.

Title	Has anyone ever successfully fully stopped being a 'nice guy'?
Author	GorillainLove
Upvotes	12
Comments	24
Date	June 23, 2018 3:46 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8t7bkg/has_anyone_ever_successfully_fully_stopped_being/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/has-anyone-ever-successfully-fully-stopped-being-a.100791 https://theredarchive.com/post/100791

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