How Do I Overcome Victimhood?

FeralRed · 2018-08-16T06:33:55+00:00

“We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.”

Find your passion. No, you won't be a millionaire or a movie/rock star. What drives you? What do you want to do with your life? Any goals at all? Want to fuck Mary from your coed volleyball league? You even in a coed volleyball league? What do you do in the time between work, sleep and feeling sorry for yourself? What do you enjoy? NO idea? Well, there's your goal. Go find something you like to do.

JamzeNeu · 2018-08-16T07:16:11+00:00

I been through this in my life(sort of). And I can relate to what you are going through.

When you fail multiple times, your brain naturally assumes the world is against you, the odds are stacked against your favour and adopts a victim mentality, and with time , the brain continuously affirms this bullshit that you're oppressed by others and you are powerless and eventually rewires your brain into a endless cycle of self loathing depression, which sometimes ends ugly, it's not easy to escape this , but it's not impossible either.

Listen to me, right now your self worth has gone down and thats painful, being robbed at knife point is more traumatic than people expect, and it will take time to heal. Talk to a therapist, read some stoic books it will help you cope.

Regarding other problems with your life, you are feeling unmotivated and discouraged, which is very common in this age , once I was here too, what helped me escape this is reading science and philosophy , and listening to successful people share their stories.

It will take you some time, to find your mission in life, IE finding out what you are good at and how you can use it for the greater good, maybe few months or a few years, be patient about it.

Focus on knowing yourself and work on acknowledging your weaknesses and strengths, work on your skills and improving your overall personality. For starters, listen to Jordan Peterson, his lectures helped me immensely and I cannot recommend him enough.

Another thing is start practicing gratitude,That is thank god or the universe or whatever it is, for the things you have in your life. Maybe it's a bottle of water to drink or the food on your table, or the compliment you got for a friend, be grateful for the things you have to distance your mind form the shitty things, alter your perception of the world,and people. Go out and talk with people, with your close friends and family. Keep your mind and hands busy, that's the best way to escape the shithole you are in.

Read some books, follow some entrepreneurs and self help gurus on twitter, this has helped me a lot personally.

Feel free to ask me anything else if you want.

Je_suis_throwy · 2018-08-16T09:33:48+00:00

Due to the robbing experience and your reaction your psyche tells you that you're defenseless and weak and to keep you out of such situations, it creates the depressive feeling. You need to get out of the dirt and get back on track with training. Start some martial arts that helps you defend yourself against such retards in the future. Google Systema and Krav Maga.

helaughsinhidden · 2018-08-16T15:07:06+00:00

I feel mediocre in a world where the rich, the intelligent, the robbers, the politicians, the babyboomers, etc.. all have it better than me

Go and volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. Maybe mentor a kid who's got a drug addicted mom and never met his/her dad. I don't think you understand how good you have it.

My wife and I did foster care last year. Beautiful little girl, 18 months old, spent most of her life up to that point in her high chair and in dirty diapers. Mom and dad have a hard time deciding if they like Meth or Heroin better, so they fought all the time in front of her. The grandma also lived in the house and was the primary care giver, but she is untreated paranoid schizophrenic and would argue with the refrigerator in demonic voices. No heat or electricity in MF Minnesota! We don't have her anymore, another family adopter her and her brother that the mom was pregnant with, but we loved her. When she left us after 9 months, she went from 0/10 to 8/10 as far as social skills, emotional health, and physical health goes. I will never feel self pity again over my problems. Your life ain't that bad.

Lift more, read the sidebar. A book I am reading that may REALLY be of interest to you is "12 Rules for Life, an Antidote to Chaos" by Jordan Peterson (also from Toronto). It's right up your alley, writen for basically young men in your situation, feeling the way you do.

Good luck brother

abudun79 · 2018-08-16T10:39:01+00:00

I'm going to ignore the robbery, since I am uncertain what that may have caused in you.

Your calibrated your expectations on a faked reality of what others pretend to have achieved, pretend to be, pretend to live like. They're doing stuff you won't and you do stuff they won't. But what you are missing is the control over your life, to do what you want and not having to do what you have to. Completely normal. And you think it's even worse, because you believe people in media live the way they present themselves and you only get to see the shiny glamour - always doing fun and leisure activities, no burden, no work, blah blah blah. But believe me, that is show and fake.

Aesthetic_God__ · 2018-08-16T11:53:06+00:00

Try finding a male therapist if this goes on.

RayChen209 · 2018-08-16T12:08:10+00:00

I think the first step would be to realise that victimhood doesn't help you. As humans we all like to take the path of least resistance (in this case feeling like a victim is easier than fighting again existing social resistance to achieve your dreams).

Fortunately you are still young and you still have time. If what you claim is true (that you use to be full of motivation), the only explanation for your current "life of being a sucker " is that you did not direct your motivation in the correct direction. It is not too late for you to realise that direction as important as drive, and to start focusing on working smart (not just hard). Keep working and remember that your life is not over at 27, you still have time to achieve your goals.

Sudo3301 · 2018-08-16T14:29:47+00:00

My advice would be not to compare yourself to others. That's one of the reasons why social media like Facebook can be complete cancer, it's just a platform for people to show off to others with their "success". Find what makes YOU happy. You are the main character of your own story, do the things that make you happy or make you fulfilled.

I have a buddy that owns a surf board shop in Florida. It's tiny and gets enough business to pay for the electricity but that's it, he won't ever be a millionaire or find his name in the annals of history, but he is happy as fuck.

Sorry about being robbed, that shit sucks, my advice on that would be to pick up a self defense class or something to get your confidence back in that department. Honestly consider it a victory that you didn't get injured or hurt. Losing your wallet is nothing in comparison to permanent physical damage from a knife wound.

beefthathasredmiddle · 2018-08-16T06:10:31+00:00

Make a list of problems you have. List them in the comment to me. Think of them, rent to high, low paying job, etc.

ilovevidya · 2018-08-16T11:08:59+00:00

Meditate. Realise you are still young and just one single day could flip your entire life around. But most of all stop seeing yourself as a victim and be the captain of your ship

redpillspeeddate · 2018-08-16T15:30:29+00:00

Get out of Toronto. I grew up just north of there and there is plenty of opportunity outside of there.

Toronto has some of the lowest wages but highest rents. For my job I would be making 60-70k in Toronto while in California I am doing almost 200k.

Look at getting into a trade or teaching yourself to code. There is a ton of money to still be made, and all of the resources you need are out there for free. You can make a good living just skinning wordpress sites and you don't need much knowledge for that.

Look in to the TN-1 visa's they are the easiest way into the USA if you qualify for a class. Get out of your rut by leaving it, I did it when I was 20, I am 37 now and it has worked out better than my wildest dreams.

Pick a goal, and start working backwards on how to get there.

bobjoe177 · 2018-08-16T15:40:23+00:00

You're setting yourself up for a much harder time than necessary by committing to living in a ridiculously overpriced city, especially if you're already struggling to get by on whatever crappy job you can get with your BA. Have you considered not living in the most expensive city in the country? How do you plan to get ahead there? I move around for work constantly and in turn enjoy my time off where ever I please. Take an actual thorough look at what it is about being in Toronto that's so important to you, you might find that the amenities offered by an urban centre are holding you back.

319Skew · 2018-08-16T15:43:59+00:00

For starters as someone that lived in Toronto and is a fellow Cannuck, sorry to hear about your ordeal, eh.

Now that I got that out of the way, you're not special. You're not unique. You're not exceptional in anyway shape or form. This story isn't even remotely original and countless others have experienced what you have to various degrees in the past, present and future. Furthermore, one day, you will die and with it all that you ever accomplished, however meager it is, will fade into obscurity. In short. You. Are. Nothing.

So what?

When you compare yourself to the horizon, you'll always find someone higher and better than you. Chances are that you'll never be the best at something but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't be the best person you can be for yourself. Keep working at self improvement and living a life based on your internal values and happiness instead of external. Everything is meaningless if you stand back and look at it but we exist in a beautiful duality where everything can be deeply meaningful if you let it. The trick is to make sure that you keep this in mind at all times.

Don't let what didn't kill you restrict you. Don't let the past limit you. Be better than you were yesterday. Use YOURSELF as a metric for YOURSELF. Your the author of your own destiny/life and it's YOUR responsibility to make sure that YOU do something with it.

So, if you feel weak, helpless, stuck, apathetic, and unmotivated, take ONE action that changes that and repeat it until it becomes standard then do that with another ONE action. Eventually, you'll pull yourself out of that rut.

walawalawa · 2018-08-16T16:18:39+00:00

I can relate. After 9 years in a job where I put all my efforts, I was constantly undermined to the point the boss took me in and effectively fired me. I was being gaslighted into thinking it was me. But he operates in secrecy and doesn't want a strong personality.

It hit me hard...I was speechless. Within 30 minutes I'd called 2 friends. One offered me a job immediately the other offered me advice on setting up my own business.

In 3 weeks I've set up my own business and am serving out my notice period.

I avoid the temptation of lashing out at my fuckwit colleagues who are undermining me by focusing on my business plan, meeting potential clients, schmoozing and networking.

So in your case, victimhood is really part of a defense mechanism of moving forward. By allowing yourself to feel shitting you gain a sort of comfort.

It's ok to be angry as long as that anger is channeled into something. Consider moving to another province or city, consider starting your own business, consider travel....consider something that focuses your energy away from feeling sorry for yourself.

I like feeling sorry for myself...it means I never have to move forward, I never have to improve, I can blame all of that inertia on some external factors and not accept responsibility.

But no. I won't do that. Neither should you.

BACONisKEWL · 2018-08-16T19:10:59+00:00

Damn, rough experience brother. Honestly you probably feel like a pathetic victim because you were legitimately victimized. Now your brain has gone into meek mode in an attempt to prevent further victimization. Learn how to defend yourself, you have to sincerely convince yourself you're not the same guy. Also, are you going to counselling? No shame in it, you need to sort that out.

RaovacAAA · 2018-08-16T13:25:03+00:00

The horse that got you here won't get you out. You need a long term goal and a solid plan to make it through the short & medium terms. Continue to work out & stay healthy but start reading about the stoic philosophy and start meditating. Cut back or even eliminate watching the news and participating in social media. Consider moving out of Toronto if the city is sucking the life out of you. You can replace the same lowing paying job in an area where the cost of living is much lower so that you can improve the quality of life as you work towards your long term goals. Eliminate the negative people around you, and replace them with others who are aligned with your values & goals. Life might not get any easier - but your ability to cope will.

BeeBopJoe · 2018-08-16T06:06:15+00:00

Bro you just sound depressed. I have no clue why you are depressed but speak to a professional.

Title	How Do I Overcome Victimhood?
Author	busshelterrevolution
Upvotes	40
Comments	28
Date	August 16, 2018 5:55 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/97pq4b/how_do_i_overcome_victimhood/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-overcome-victimhood.876 https://theredarchive.com/post/876

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