My last big issue: EXTREME negative-self talk. Any resource to deal with it?

SeamusAwl · 2018-01-08T19:40:18+00:00

Get some index cards. On each card write down what you like about you. Read them every morning and every night. Try and add to them once a week.

Sooner or later you will begin to see you actually like yourself.

redhawkes · 2018-01-08T19:39:57+00:00

It's the beta bitch inside you or if you like bp/beta conditioning. I guess it's the feeling of not being worthy or that you don't deserve things etc.

Your subconsciousness hasn't caught up with your new self image. Shit is annoying as fuck, but believe me, if you stop thinking about it, it disappears. Keep meditating.

Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz and The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Read, internalize and you're golden.

UHT_RED · 2018-01-08T21:42:13+00:00

Stop jerking off. You think I’m kidding

do_it_or_leave · 2018-01-08T22:50:42+00:00

You said you are meditating

I believe you should watch these thoughts come and go, instead of listening and trying to decipher their meaning.

They are just thoughts, your ego trying to get your attention. You must have read about "trying not to think of white elephants", and it is what you are doing. Search about it if you never heard about it.

Let these thoughts come and go, they're not you. You are the being watching these thoughts.

It is really great you are meditating, it is exactly how you are going to overcome this kind of problem.

But be sincere with yourself when you say "you would be golden without 'x'", as it is hardly the case, and there is always something between you and your idealized happiness.

Are you lifting? Is your diet helping you towards your goals?

What about life objectives? Are you pursuing something?

Scheme00 · 2018-01-08T21:38:11+00:00

"Self esteem" by Matthew McKay on Amazon. Talk about this exactly and diffusing your inner critic. Will change exactly what you are having problems with.

gromnomnom · 2018-01-08T22:05:09+00:00

CBT - Feeling good by Dr David Burns

TakeEverything · 2018-01-09T00:45:17+00:00

CBT is a good option for beating this. It basically just teaches you to react to the same stimuli in a different way. You can find free options for course-driven CBT online.

majestyalphaq · 2018-01-09T01:51:01+00:00

I can feel other people's emotions extremely well also, but i learnt to be aware of it, not to react to it. I've used this as an advantage to understand how ppl feel, but have the decision to react accordingly.

when you can feel other's emotions, this means you can easily pick up social cues which is a good thing.

life_is_dumb · 2018-01-09T03:21:10+00:00

I've always felt I feel other people's emotions really well too. But recently I've realized that's just confirmation bias and I get responses I expect to see, ones that get manifested because I'm creating my own self fulfilling prophecies. I'm timid, therefore of course I get dismissive responses from women. I am convinced I've been seen as attractive by far more women than I give myself credit. If only I'd taken initiative, if only I had built my frame and gotten rid of my ego.

It's difficult, but I'm fucking pissed at the opportunities I'm certain I've lost because of it and it fuels my workouts, my discipline, and drive to succeed in my career.

No more of that bullshit, it's time to look out for number one bro. It's not gonna change overnight but it will change if I keep at it.

UncleWarwick · 2018-01-09T05:06:31+00:00

So I’m a fan of Brent Smith’s take on this - I think the concept is rooted from Tony Robbins but anyway...

Whatever you think reality is a lie. How you interpret reality versus what is reality are completely different things.

So you’re lying to yourself to begin with. All this negative self-talk is a lie.

You’re telling yourself all this negative shit. And it’s a vicious feedback loop, isn’t it.

So why not start lying to yourself, but for good?

Tell yourself you’re the shit, happy, awesome, girls can’t stop touching you, they all want to fuck you, etc.

Literally. Write it down on a piece of paper. Stick it on your bathroom mirror. And read it every morning and night. Convince yourself that you’re everything you think you’re not.

I think it’s dumb as fuck, but I believe it works. Between this, meditation, and removing porn (amongst other things), I’m feeling like a new man.

ioncehadsexinapool · 2018-01-08T21:33:15+00:00

Honestly, if you can get some. Microdosing shrooms has done wonders for me in that department. Requires almost no effort and helps so much. Take 0.1-0.2 grams if you can. Grind them up first.

It’s hard to explain other than I feel like I’ve “woken up and smelled the roses” it helps me feel more connected to reality. And I understand now what people mean by loss of “sense of self”. It’s like I can’t be offended by people or have anxiety because I have less of an ego. Less ego = more fun. Seriously if you know anyone who can get some do it. Obviously do your own research first it’s your body your life your choice.

PepelePeaux · 2018-01-08T23:45:53+00:00

Beyond positive thinking. Great book

Soderbergh · 2018-01-09T01:59:12+00:00

First you don’t really know if this is extreme or not. It just seems that way to you right now.

There is a muscle you must exercise and that is confidence. A confident man does not think like this.

Stop trying to make the negative thoughts go away and focus on building confidence through action. Then the negative thoughts will themselves go away.

know_your_path · 2018-01-09T02:30:47+00:00

Negative visualization, and extracting core beliefs out of the self talk. Thought pattern = habit/emotion. Stems from a belief statement. Force think your way to the bottom of the core belief statement that's unrealistic and adjust it. Then focus on monitoring your thoughts. When you notice the pattern emerge, re-state the modified realistic belief. Soon your thought patterns will adjust with it. That's when you don't stop. You don't ever stop.

JerryMullin1978 · 2018-01-09T07:33:06+00:00

Anxiety is negative thinking run amok. We believe a negative thought and it creates an emotion. The emotion tricks our mind into thinking the negative thought is real. This results in a feedback loop. We get stuck with more negative thoughts and the cycle becomes worse.

CBT and meditation helped me a lot. I read Burns’ book and still went to therapy. I wanted someone to show me how to do it correctly. Also, if I needed to be on meds, I knew she would provide it as an option. I didn’t need them, but I did need to put the work in. The therapist was invaluable. She could point out my distorted thoughts to me even I had a hard time recognizing them. She would label it, and I would have instant relief.

Long story short, meditation helps distance me from my thoughts and CBT shows me my thoughts aren’t real. Hope it helps. And by the way, the negative thought you described in your post is called fortune telling or predicting the future.

maitre-pingouin · 2018-01-09T07:49:28+00:00

Mike Cernovich has wonderful tools for that in the first chapters of "Gorilla Mindset". Among those, when you have those thoughts, just get yourself in front of a mirror or record yourself with your phone's camera and let those voices get out. Seeing and hearing it makes a huge difference...

JerryMullin1978 · 2018-01-10T07:13:33+00:00

His book is great. If you really want to get the most out of it though, I highly recommend a therapist as well because it’s easier for them to see your cognitive distortions. It’s no different than someone reading Starting Strength by Rippetoe versus taking one of his weekend seminars.

There’s also a CBT Reddit forum with a ton of information.

Title	My last big issue: EXTREME negative-self talk. Any resource to deal with it?
Author	IStriveForRedemption
Upvotes	15
Comments	47
Date	January 8, 2018 7:24 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/7p0xuv/my_last_big_issue_extreme_negativeself_talk_any/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/my-last-big-issue-extreme-negative-self-talk-any.121617 https://theredarchive.com/post/121617

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