Thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend because she is to career-minded... Is my reasoning sound?

MeatCurtainRod · 2015-06-11T15:55:17+00:00

Let me break this down:

1) you want kids, she doesn't

2) she wants to build a career, you don't want her to work

There are a few key elements that are definite absolutes for when two people spend the rest of their lives together, such as core beliefs, and these two factors alone are deal breakers. With such a disparity in life goals, you will never be happy together.

Don't shoot the messenger.

deville05 · 2015-06-11T18:46:12+00:00

Dont be an asshole. Dont force your girlfriend into a life that she doesnt want. This is not about who is superior or who is the captain and what not. You both dont want to be on the same bloody ship. Find a another first mate who wants what you want. Dont let your emotions confuse such an easy decision.

thereddespair · 2015-06-11T16:47:55+00:00

if you are not happy with what you have and you dont see it changing in the future, its time to open up to changing your plans.

its not even TRP logic i think, just generic line of thinking i guess.

fnordsnord · 2015-06-11T18:57:05+00:00

Do you WANT children. If you want children and she does not, it's a deal-breaker.

If she "changes her mind" and isn't happy with the change, she will both blame and resent you.

I would never consider marrying a woman who was unwilling to take my name.

You cannot make a career woman into a traditional homemaker. You guys should break up and look for different partners, based on what little you have said here.

LukeMooney · 2015-06-11T15:28:15+00:00

Just sounds like you two have different wants and desires. If she doesn't want to have children, there's nothing wrong with that. Same applies to her focusing on her own career. If those are things that are going to be fundamentally incompatible with your vision for life, then yeah, break up. Somehow your post sounds a little bit self centered, not sure why, everything you're saying makes sense.

All the best

bananabreadmuffins · 2015-06-11T19:16:36+00:00

Expectations are varying on both sexes on what they want from LTR. Yes your logic is sound. You're both wasting time for what you really want out of life. No penalty in thinking this way either.

Rokig · 2015-06-11T20:31:53+00:00

You can make anyone change anything, all you can do is affect your own actions. I recently went through a similar situation, don't get caught up in delaying the inevitable, you'll break up one day because of different goals, it can be now or later.

NickCiufi · 2015-06-12T00:53:05+00:00

Dump her. That's a horrible deal. If she wants marriage on her terms, let her get it from somebody else.

squirrelcuisine · 2015-06-11T19:36:15+00:00

sounds like she will be fine on her own.

Doesnt sound like she will be a good partner.

Think about that.. 10 years from now when you are looking for a good divorce lawyer or an apartment for 300 a month because you cant afford it. Know that you were warned.

She isnt even lying to you either.

becoming_pertinax · 2015-06-11T20:54:47+00:00

I really like being married. Can't imagine life without it. But my wife is a traditional woman. She was a virgin when we married, is a SAHM, takes care of the house, follows me, etc.

I strongly advise you against marrying the girl you describe. Whether or not you break up with her is a different question. If you want to eventually get married, then move along and find a girl you'd be willing to marry.

penguin_says_slide · 2015-06-11T15:33:02+00:00

What's the practical side of this? How much does she earn? As much as you? More? Can you afford to forego that income?

Charlotte30 · 2015-06-11T17:26:15+00:00

Dump her

Kalepsis · 2015-06-11T21:49:33+00:00

What's her number? I'll take her. I don't ever want kids, and I want another woman with a good job. My girl and I are poly, so she'll fit right in.

crazydave1979 · 2015-06-12T21:47:01+00:00

Won't take husband's last name??

Liberal, stay away from liberals

itsnadya101 · 2015-06-13T06:06:14+00:00

seems like she's the "strong independent" ...wait for it....wait for it..."need no man" type.

nemma88 · 2015-06-13T11:22:25+00:00

If she's so career driven then she might end up making more than you, with no kids in the picture - means marriage is a raw deal for HER.

ThrowingMyslfOutther · 2015-06-11T18:46:16+00:00

I'm not sure I want to get married unless I'm getting everything I want out of marriage, which includes a wife to do the traditional household duties and raise my children while I'm working

Worst excuse EVER to get married.

In fact, there really is no sound reason to get married.

ghrelly · 2015-06-11T18:37:55+00:00

Am I being ridiculous?

Honestly, sort of maybe?

My girlfriend isn't very interested in having children, and she's very against being a stay-at-home mother. She doesn't want to take her husband's last name, nor share bank accounts. I feel like if we got married, she would get all the benefits without any of the risks.

This is the type of girl that is not even going to care about alimony, nor even get it legally since it would be very easy to prove that she can fully support herself. If you guys are ever going to get divorced, its highly likely going to be a clean separation.

I'm not sure I want to get married unless I'm getting everything I want out of marriage, which includes a wife to do the traditional household duties and raise my children while I'm working.

Ironically, for the most part, these are the type of girls that aspire to be stay at home moms are way more likely to divorce you. Because after they get their "dream" wedding for which they are not going to pay for, their idea of staying at home will include having kids for the attention, then during the day just hanging out with their friends and just bringing their kid along, and not really raising kid. And, should you not give them enough attention due to your work, this is where the possible cheating and marriage problems start, as they may be influenced by their friends to think that they deserve romance and affection.

Overall, (and this is my personal opinion), this is not a good attitude for having kids. If you want kids, you should actively want to raise them. A strong positive male figure will make the kid much more robust and better able to handle the bullshit in the world.

I myself am learning towards not having kids, but if I ever did, I would save up income for my own personal fun stuff, and would do the opposite of what you want. After the initial year or so when the kid if off the tit, I would gladly stay at home and take care of shit while my wife works and brings in the income, because I would be fully able to control how the kid is raised.

In the end though, you are entitled to get what you want out of life, so it really sounds like you want a different girl.

Title	Thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend because she is to career-minded... Is my reasoning sound?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	7
Comments	27
Date	June 11, 2015 3:17 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/39gcyh/thinking_about_breaking_up_with_my_girlfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/thinking-about-breaking-up-with-my-girlfriend.190181 https://theredarchive.com/post/190181

Comments