Work Orbiter taking LTR out for dinner this weekend and I'm triggered

fnordsnord · 2016-05-18T17:43:32+00:00

From what you have written here, this guy is not an "orbiter," he's gaming her. He may just be gaming her because you should always game ALL women, or he may have ulterior motives.

But if you take ANY overt action, either directly with him, or straightforward with her, you will come off weak, insecure, and needy. It is HER job to fend off other men. If she's not doing it, then she's too secure in your relationship and/or doesn't feel YOU are the best man she can get.

Your way forward is to dismiss this just like you have above (nicely handled, BTW), up your SMV and start running low order dread game.

If you are not doing it already, follow her lead and get yourself a "work wife." Find a hot woman that you can engage at work. Keep it professional. (Kino and sexy-talk are an invitation for a closed-door meeting with HR.) But find someone you can laugh with, joke with, and go to lunch with. Talk about her with your LTR and make it clear how much you like her.

This will require a light, delicate touch. Of all aspects of game, first-stage dread is the easiest to overdo.

Also - flirt with other women in front of her. Get the names of waitresses and use them. Smile. Engage EVERY pretty woman you see.

The goal is not to "make her jealous." That's the stuff of "Friends" plots. You do NOT want to imply that you are cheating or about to cheat. What you want to remind her of is that YOU are a man with OPTIONS and that SHE can be replaced.

TopTRP · 2016-05-18T19:27:11+00:00

Let's be real here.

Your LTR has told you (not asked, told) that she's going on a date with another man who she's attracted to.

Let that sink in.

If any girl I was in a committed relationship with told me that, I'd dump her.

Instead your response:

"Well there's ________ on 8th street which is really high quality hope you enjoy. I also recommend ____ on 19th."

This is an example of trying to implement what you've read on TRP but not fully understanding it.

Your response is something you'd say to a plate.

The one thing you got right is not displaying insecurity, but think about what else your response is saying.

You're telling her that her behavior is OK with you when it's really not. You're basically acquiescing to being a cuck.

Like I said, I'd dump her since letting things get to this point means the relationship is fried but if you're not ready for that, at least have a spine and stand up for yourself.

Her: blah blah going out with Darek because hamster hamster hehehe :)

You: Did you just say you're going on a date with your work crush?

Her: back peddling, hamstering

You: Ya that's not the kind of behavior I expect out of someone in a committed relationship

Her: hamstering

You: It's cool, you're an adult. Do what you want.

At this point you've gotten your point across that her behavior is unacceptable to you, but at the same time maintained frame and not displayed insecurity. You've also implied that you're going to dump her ass, without actually saying those words so you maintain plausible deniability.

One of two things happens.

1) She doesn't go. You then decide how to handle the relationship going forward (more dread).

2) She goes. You must next her at this point.

returnofthemackX · 2016-05-18T17:37:47+00:00

I'm not too fast on the nexting hype red pill has, but you should seriously reconsider her long term potential. She does not respect the relationship, because she actively seeks temptation. The coworker thing is a bad signal and the signal is getting stronger/worse now. She is clearly attracted to the guy, but now she is also acting on it and crossing the line, disrespecting you and the relationship. I think you handled it good, but things are going to change.

My advice is to mentally step out of the relationship and plan an exit strategy. Start getting other options. Always be prepared to take the L. (This is only 6 months anyway)

Stories_of_Red · 2016-05-18T17:42:29+00:00

He is not an orbiter if his SMV is higher than yours, he is Chad.

You need to be working on replacing this gal, as she is currently eyeing the next branch up, seeing if she can reach it.

When they go out, you make damn sure you are out with other people, and while out you are looking for a new gal. If she is going to date other guys in addition to you, you do too. And yes, this is a date with Chad. Smirk with amusement if she tries to call it something else, and make fun of the notion that only she gets to date others, while you wait for her at home. Never argue, complain, or confront on this, just downgrade her status and learn from the experience. No need to explain anything to her or anyone else.

[deleted] · 2016-05-18T20:06:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Whisper · 2016-05-18T18:08:09+00:00

Basically they play games all the time, tease each other. They have a bet going on now about some vote that is supposed to happen within her job and the bet is how their boss will vote, either for the measure or against it. That's all cool but she told me The "loser" of the bet has to take the "winner" to a very fancy 5 star restaurant after work this weekend.

Were you dropped on your head as a child or something?

Relationship is over.

The only reason you think it isn't is that a monkey never lets go of the old branch until his other hand is on the new one.

FalkorD · 2016-05-18T17:35:25+00:00

I'd next her immediately. Any LTR who would go out for a fancy 1-on-1 dinner with someone of the opposite sex is not long term material.

cholomite · 2016-05-18T19:37:58+00:00

The dinner is one thing, the fact that she talks about him all the time is what would piss me off. She's talking about him because she can't stop thinking about him and has to let it out somewhere. Girls don't talk about guys they have no interest in unless it's to call the cops on them.

RedditAdminsSuck_88 · 2016-05-18T19:28:22+00:00

Don't mate guard, ever.

But if she is always talking about him, then Derek is on her heart. Out of abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. This is a major red flag. Are you sure he is an orbiter? Or is he a Chad that is banging her on the side?

Personally I'd next her, because it's clear you are not the #1 man in her life.

nastynickdr · 2016-05-18T18:04:42+00:00

Orbiter or not, lower SMV or not, this is not acceptable behaviour for a LTR. Why the fuck is your GF gonna have dinner alone with some other guy? Why wouldnt she rather have dinner with you? If she goes, break up or downgrade to plate.

raisins3142 · 2016-05-18T22:45:35+00:00

She either is or is not attempting to see this from your point of you. Either case is not a good sign (she sees it from your point of view and doesn't care/is mind fucking you or she is too self absorbed). A woman I'd want would have me come along, but that could be weird especially given how they are flirty and his SMV is higher. You'll feel really bad if he upstages you and commands her attention and makes you feel lower.

This is basically a dinner date. It used to be that attached women knew not to have dinner with other men.

I got nothing except to share your frustration.

I've been in similar situations and just let it go and swallowed my pride and stewed.

As usual, the woman comes out on top by using various techniques and plausible deniability. If you object, then you seem insecure. If you don't object, then you feel like crap. Either way you have a girl that wants to do things like this and doesn't understand why this creates issues with men.

A common bit of advice here will likely be to withdraw attention and apply dread game by hitting the gym and letting her know that you talk to women/women like you and even setting up something similar where you have a little date. That seems like a lot of work to me however.

EDIT: It is obvious that suggesting dinner as a reward and then going through with it was for a reason. Otherwise, they would've done something like bring other in a nice gift or something. This is a thinly veiled excuse to go on a date. Heck, she might not even consciously realize it, and if you mentioned it she would deny it and act scandalized. This is why I like my dog so much.

wetassassin420 · 2016-05-18T17:39:24+00:00

He's gaming her and now she's going on a date with him. Put your foot down in some form, dread game, including possibly nexting her. Maybe even ask why you aren't invited if they're just friends.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2016-05-19T07:41:43+00:00

That's all cool but she told me The "loser" of the bet has to take the "winner" to a very fancy 5 star restaurant after work this weekend.

Do they have a follow-up bet where he won't actually fuck her, but he will just put his dick in her to see if it fits?

A couple of thoughts:

A. So why might they not be fucking already and this just her an "excuse" to see him on a weekend night? The only thing militating against is that you haven't been going out with her that long, but that's no guaranty.

B. Assuming you aren't going to bounce her over this, be sure that you are out and about the night of the date. Be less available than usual and treat it like a free night out.

If she asks you what you're doing on that night tell her you're going out. If she gets pissy about it, pressure flip, calmly, with "So you're all up in my grill about what I'm doing on Saturday night while you're out having dinner at a 5-star restaurant with a man who isn't me?" Then smile slyly and say, "That seems quite funny."

I'm assuming you don't live together, but if you do, come home later than she does. And really, go out, game other women and have fun. You may need your chops, sooner than you think.

Bitcoin-FTW · 2016-05-19T16:19:54+00:00

Bro, this is how sex "just happens" for girls. This guy is gaming her like a pro. Win or lose the bet, he gets her out at a nice restaurant to have drinks. Then it's "hey let's hit a bar after this" or "let me show you my dog or something else at my place". Then she fucks him. Best case after that, she confesses the next day. More likely though, is that she isn't sur ehe is committed to her yet, so she keeps one hand on you, the first monkey branch.

However, handling this is simple. Say "i don't think goong on a date with this guy is good behavior for a girlfriend." The trick here is communicating that you don't approve, but not forbidding her. You are basically giving her a chance to wise the fuck up. Then she either goes on the date or doesn't. If she does, you drop contact completely. 100% do not fucking talk to her.

FrgElder · 2016-05-19T07:34:09+00:00

If this were behavior from an old friend I might let it slide while approaching it very cautiously. When you LTR a girl she may have some old friends that she already has established boundaries and routines with. Some are orbiters and some may be the alpha type who rejected commitment from her (or there was sexual tension that was never acted upon). You can immediately tell the difference as she treats the two completely differently. She will slowly lose touch with both of these types of you are doing your job right in an LTR though, but dealing with the annoyance of it early on can do a number on your mental health. I've had these in both my last LTRs with very high quality women. They both claimed to be ignorant of the intentions of some of the guys, but that shit is a second language for women so never fall for that. Anyways I was able to become the focus of attention and eventually their routines with those friends came to a halt.

However new friends, IE friendships that were established after the relationship was established, are another story. You can more easily set boundaries for these, but you have to do it carefully. Let your girlfriend know that you are not okay with that behavior and that it is something you don't see in your long term mate. You need to make it clear that you are setting boundaries and fully intend to walk away if those boundaries are breached. If she makes a big deal about it, just ask her how she would feel if the roles were reversed and you were to go out alone on a nice dinner with a hot girl from work. If she values you, she will comply. If she cares about you, she will apologize. The key here is to not come off as needy or jealous, because doing so will just validate his worth in her eyes and push her more quickly into his arms.

As others have said here this is not an orbiter situation, this guy is gaming her. Your girlfriend has failed to set proper boundaries and has asked for your permission to go on a date with him so she won't feel at fault.

sharp7 · 2016-05-18T22:45:01+00:00

You are at the mercy of this chad. Maybe he's not interested in her enough to actually date her. This would lead to either him pump and dumping her, or they will actually stay as friends. I've been in chad situations like this before, but I only ever flirt enough to know I could get with them if I wanted to and then evacuate (sometimes in retarded fashion). But this is because I'm weird like that. Maybe he will also avoid escalation to avoid sexual drama at work. Basically if he is willing to commit or fuck you are fucked unless you raise your SMV drastically somehow.

Its alright though. There is always a chad above us. We just have to realize unless we literally rule the world we are at the mercy of those with higher SMV. Just realize the only thing that's under your control is your own actions. If celebrity chad comes along and wants your girl he will take her. The only thing you can do is improve your own SMV and let fate play itself out. Maybe this chad isn't even that great upon closer inspection. I always appear happy and fun at work even if at home I'm sometimes a mess. Maybe you feel like his SMV is higher than yours only because you only see his highlights that your gf tells you and you are comparing them to your average? Why do you think his SMV is higher anyway?

GainzdalfTheWhey · 2016-05-18T22:49:10+00:00

Here's me opinion on mate guarding. I'm no endorsed contributor or something but here it is. We as men, know there's practically no reason and possibility of being friends with an attractive women. We use them for their friends or date them, regardless if they have a bf or not. We try to get in their pants or her friends pants.

The thing is beta males overtly disregard this and tell women of course they can only be friends with attractive women, and women being like children, believe in those fairy tales. Sometimes they are indeed oblivious to men's intentions because they believe those fairy tales and fall for their traps, and sometimes they see through it and still walk right into it, because they know they can pull their "I though he just wanted to be friends" card if needed. Also sometimes they are horny for the man, but hamster out of guilt because they choose to believe (more hamstering) he doesn't have second Intentions.

You must act overtly if you feel she's being genuinely oblivious. Ive done this to oblivious girls and they came running back to me. Now onto girls that aren't oblivious, and still act on it, next. If you want her as a plate, tell her she's an adult and can do whatever she wants, but that's not an behavior you expect from a committee relationship. Basically telling her she will be demoted if she goes.

lanky32 · 2016-05-19T04:40:38+00:00

Dude, your girl is interested in Derek. If she was loyal to you she would not have had such a bet in the first place.

At this juncture, she has not cheated on you. But, she definitely sees Derek as an option. If the date goes well and Derek does not act like a buffoon or a hump, she may very well branch swing on to him.

ajustyle · 2016-05-18T21:15:54+00:00

I had an LTR do something similar. She was being friendly with a guy who obviously was gaming her. I held frame, not as an act either, i was jist literally not insecure about what value I bring to the relationship. The guy wanted to take her to a new vegetarian place, i eat meat, she doesnt, and the guy was trying to become vegetarian. So fuck it let the dope pay for my girl to try a place i dont wanna go to. After her inevitably doesnt score with her i will resume my role that night by screwing her braons out. Way to go on the assisst, is how i felt.

Title	Work Orbiter taking LTR out for dinner this weekend and I'm triggered
Author	EenterMaPuce
Upvotes	6
Comments	32
Date	May 18, 2016 5:14 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4jxr6u/work_orbiter_taking_ltr_out_for_dinner_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/work-orbiter-taking-ltr-out-for-dinner-this.105627 https://theredarchive.com/post/105627

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